Sunday, December 16, 2001, 2:00 PM EST  -- Given the massive attention given the "smoking gun" video released by the US government showing a smug Osama bin Laden gloating with his Jihad "buds" and the breaking news of the apparent defeat of Al Qaeda at Tora Bora, you would think that Osama would be the sole topic this pundit weekend.

Not so.  Osama's Greatest Bloopers, Bleeps, and Blunders was topic one -- but there was plenty of pap concerning the fight over tax breaks for millionaires, the impending departure of Dick Armey as House Majority Leader, trouble in Arafat-land, and where the "war on terrorism" goes next (with surprisingly little being said about Somalia and Yemen, but plenty on Iraq and -- about time -- Saudi Arabia).

Here's the post-mortem on the Sabbath gasbags this week.

FAUX News Sunday
War Is Over!! Not!!!!

Kudos to Tony Snow for his friendly and upbeat demeanor at the top of FAUX News Sunday toward FAUX War correspondent Geraldo Rivera in Afghanistan -- a stark contrast with that of his uptight, snippy colleague Brit Hume.  Tony gets on well with Geraldo.

Geraldo passed on the news that the Eastern Alliance has taken Tora Bora -- and declared that the "ground war is over" in Afghanistan.  He turned to an Alliance leader who said that his troops are elated by the victory -- but disappointed they did not find bin Laden.

Victory? Fuhgeddaboudit -- Geraldo's celebrating prematurely -- the ground war will continue, but in the form of small attacks on the Alliance and perhaps even US troops by small remnant bands of Jihad-crazed, out-for-blood Taliban and Al Qaeda. 

Powell, of course, took the opportunity to discuss the breaking news and brand the Osama caught on tape as a coward who commits murder and goes after the innocent -- an understatement if there ever was one.

When Tony asked about putting Osama on trial, Powell would not conjecture on the venue (world court, US court, or secret tribunal) -- " there are lots of ways to deal with a bin Laden...but I would not prejudge what to do with bin Laden."

Tony asked Powell if he was disappointed that they did not get bin Laden, and Powell said yes, but be patient, "We WILL get him."

Hmmm...looks like Powell's optimistic the US will take him alive.

We wish Tony had asked Powell about reports that the Osama "blooper reel" may have been a CIA set-up.  This would have given Powell a chance to undermine Osama's image as a charismatic evil genius -- and ample opportunity to equate him with organized criminals with big mouths who get caught in FBI stings.

Tony then speculated on a possible next venue for the war on terrorism, saying that there are reports of talks between US forces and the Philippines; Powell just parroted the report, then added "Any nation that has an Al Qaeda cell should see it as a threat to their sovereignty, their security...just rip it out and get rid of it."

That was the second time that Powell had used the "tear it out/rip it out" mantra; it would not be the last time we'd hear it this gasbag Sunday.  But it was also a signal in particular to Yemen, Indonesia and other states with an element of extremism in their Islamic population.

Powell also said that there is a sense that the rage over US actions to get bin Laden and Al Qaeda has dissipated even in some Islamic quarters now that "the extent of Osama's criminality" is known.

Really?  Good luck finding any mention of this in the "liberal" press, who seem to obsess on how Osama's still a hero to many in the Arab world.

Powell was not specific about whether we might go after Osama in Pakistan if he's there; Tony used the topic as a platform to once again push the spin that Saddam Hussein and Iraq have weapons of mass destruction, and the predictable demand by Powell that Saddam allow inspectors in.

But there was an interesting twist -- Tony asked if Saddam was a danger to the US, and Powell very specifically labeled him a danger to the Middle East region, adding that it remains the policy of the US to see the Iraqi regime changed.

If allies don't go along with us, would we still go after Iraq?  Powell said that the US "does not rule out acting unilaterally."

Then -- it was Arafat bashing time!  Not that he doesn't deserve it.  Tony slammed Yassir first, and Powell recounted the sequence of events in trying to tamp down Israeli-Palestinian fighting and getting a Palestinian state started.  There was progress until Hamas started car-bombing, and "they attacked innocent Israelis [and] Yassir Arafat's authority... Arafat has to respond to this challenge."

Interesting choice of words -- it looks like a critique of Arafat on the surface, but this is a signal to the Palestinian Prez: if you go after Hamas and Islamic Jihad, you will have American support.

Tony and Powell did a little back-and-forth on how realistic it is to demand Arafat shut down terrorist organizations in a matter of days -- and it looks as if Powell is signaling that it is realistic.  Powell called terrorist organizations destructive to the formation of a Palestinian state -- and Arafat is the legitimate leader.  When Tony asked about the ultimatum to Arafat to "act or else," Powell had to admit the "or else" is that innocent people will get killed and "[Arafat] will slowly lose authority in the region."  Envoy Anthony Zinni, insisted Powell, is "back for consultations."

Powell then admitted that "Team Smirk" cannot get a hearing for one of the administration's more egregious nominees -- and Tony suggested a recess nomination.  What a laff-riot -- this is exactly the very process about which Tony and cronies would whine about whenever President Clinton would do it!

Talk turned to idiot Smirk trashing the ABM Treaty.  Powell LIED and said there'd be no arms race, citing ONLY Russia.

Hey, Colin: plenty more nations than Russia have nukes -- and even more are trying to get 'em.  Count on China to see this stupid move as a green light to stock up on city busters.

Next up: Joe Lieberman.

Tony: "Senator Lieberman! IRAQ!"  Okay, Tony wasn't frothing at the mouth -- but if you were looking away, you'd think he'd been bitten by a rabid raccoon.  Yowza!  It was more than a hint that the FAUX News Channel is clamoring for all war, all the time!

Lieberman called Saddam (not Osama!) the world's most dangerous terrorist, and it's time for him to go.  In response to a comment from Mara Liasson, Lieberman said he wants to put the pieces in place for a military strike -- and reiterated that he is "convinced" Saddam is developing weapons of mass destruction.

Brit "Fume" asked Joe about the war in Afghanistan.  "It ain't over until the big guy, bin Laden, is captured...we have to pursue and capture him."  Juan Williams asked what would happen if we capture Osama, and Lieberman thinks Osama will probably commit suicide or die in battle -- but if we get him, we should put him on trial.  What happened on Sept. 11, said Joe, was an act of war -- and Joe segued into an assertive pitch for military tribunals, which he said are established to try acts of war, and in which he feels Moussaoui should be tried.  Brit said that Leahy has called the establishment of tribunals a mistake; this gave Joe the chance to back martinet Georgie's call for tribunals, saying that "this big fish may get away" if he has "too many rights" in a normal court trial.

Oh, come on, Joe -- put Rudy Giuliani himself in charge of the prosecution, and even the defendants themselves would vote "Guilty!"

Joe forecast a possible break in diplomatic relations with Arafat, while admitting his leadership is being undercut, and admitted that the US has to pressure Syria on the matter also.

Hume interjected, "Before Iraq?"

Translation: "You mean we can't demonize Saddam first?  You mean we have to work at digging up facts about Syria?  Racicot hasn't even BRIEFED us on Syria!  Joe, you're makin' us WORK here! NO FAIR!"

The extent to which the FAUX blabbermouths are so eager for a war against Saddam is almost uncanny.  They must think that their News Channel ratings need to be shored up now that Afghanistan is pretty much a wrap.

At the end of the segment, there was some back-and-forth on the fake "economic stimulus" bill (read: tax breaks for millionaires).  Joe is not so eager for massive breaks, and is asserting that there IS a deficit.  Lieberman would like to see a ten-day sales tax moratorium (good luck convincing cash-strapped states, Joe)!

In order to avoid the digestive complications associated with watching Brit Hume sneer during the FAUX panel segment, we switched over to...

ABC This Weak

We arrived in time for the ABC Round Table of fools -- and were immediately reminded of how shallow Cokie Roberts is as she gave the non-reasons that some in the Arab world don't buy the authenticity of Osama's party tapes, claiming that it is damning for "rational persons", and compared Osama laughing about killing people to "frat boys."

We love it -- Osama in the same category the George Bushes (both DKEs and Skull and Bones members).  Animal House Jihad!  Nice move, Cokie -- the Bushes will really appreciate the comparison!

George Stephanopoulos made two points: the tape makes Osama look like a not-so-devout hypocrite and braggart to many Muslims, and (here's one that few have picked up on) there was no talk about anthrax, which lends credence to the notion that the bioweaponized letters were the work of domestic terrorists.  George Will remains mostly a non-entity, so we skipped his blather; Cokie said that Saturday Night Live even did a take-off on the tape that underlined Osama's sheer stupidity in being videotaped in the first place.  Steph said the tape gives a defense point to Moussaoui, but not a great one; Cokie said intelligence has a LOT to answer for with regards to September 11th (what insight).

Gosh, that was  even a chance to "blame Clinton", and she didn't -- could it be because Smirk's boys were putting pressure on the CIA not to ask too many questions about Osama's contacts?

Talk turned to the Middle East; Steph said it seems the White House is giving up on the Middle East and, even if they send back Zinni, the peace process is "done."  Sam started freaking out over the fact there's no moderate to succeed Arafat, and Cokie said that Smirk needs a cease-fire if he wants the present war not to look like a war on Islam.  George Will ranted a little (really -- who cares, George -- you're almost as big a moral hypocrite as John Fund).

Sam talked about ABMs and missile defense shields.  Steph said Smirk could've gotten away with more tests, and has handed Putin a chance to call the Bogus POTUS's bluff.  Will blabbered.  Cokie got the last word, saying the Navy has scuttled testing on a system that doesn't work; Sam cited a "successful" test, but Steph pointed out a failure in this week's booster test.

We skipped the George Will commentary.  When will ABC finally stop giving this Amerikan Talibaner a forum?

What is worth noting: the pace of the round table and the number of topics has broadened in the last half-year.  They're copping FAUX News Sunday's act well, and would outdo the competition by keeping moderate Steph (who is showing far more sense than he did a year ago), deep-sixing Will in favor a less petulant, smarmy "conservative", and adding a real liberal to balance them.

-- Morrie Friendly

Defeat the Press
Triple feature: Powell, Gephardt and Dick (Armey, not Cheney)

Tim Russert 's first guest was the ubiquitous (at least this Sunday) Colin Powell, who responded to Tim's comment about a wire report that Al Qaeda had "fallen" at Tora Bora by saying that terrorist operations had been stopped in Afghanistan -- but the war against Al Qaeda will continue.  Tim ran a short video clip of Osama laughing -- giving Powell a chance to light into Osama's lack of character and religious hypocrisy.  Tim: "What was your physical emotional reaction?"  Powell said he was incensed at his attitude and false claim of "faith."

Powell then propped up Ass-KKKroft's call for military tribunals; unlike Joe Lieberman on FAUX, Powell looked at it as more of a streamlining, procedural issue.  Tim quoted an article on captured terrorist suspect Moussaoui, and asked who would be put before these tribunals?  It depends, said Powell, on the circumstance and the case.  Tim then "showed" Powell American Taliban member John Walker (as if he's never seen him) -- and Powell said he does not know enough about Walker; it's clear the kid was "misguided" but "will have to pay the consequences."  Powell said his conduct "would move in the direction" of trial as a traitor.  Tim said he appears to be cooperating, and Powell said it would be wise for him to do so.

At this point, other networks would turn to rattling sabers against Saddam.  Instead, Tim mentioned that most of the Sept. 11th hijackers were from Saudi Arabia -- and a Saudi mullah is a featured "party animal" in the Osama tape.  Powell said he has not had any direct discussions with the Saudis on the identity of the sheik.  Tim then went over a litany of sheiks mentioned by bin Laden in the tape -- and the possibility that they may be helping finance Osama.  Powell, ever the diplomat, said that they are in contact with the Saudis, who are "cooperative."  But have they done everything we've asked?  They have "reacted positively" to every request we have made.

In other words, they won't act on their own unless we put our foot down.

Tim then turned to the Middle East, and Sharon having called Arafat "irrelevant."  Powell said that the US has been pressuring Arafat to go after Hamas, and "created circumstances" for Israel and Palestine to talk, even sending Gen. Zinni as an envoy, when the attacks on Israel stepped up; Israel has passed on a list of terrorists to Arafat, but not many have been arrested; Sharon has a responsibility to protect Israel; Zinni is home for a while but we are not disengaged.

Hoo-boy -- not an encouraging situation based on that recounting of events.

Tim even pointed out that Zinni had said he'd stay in the Middle East "as long as it takes" to get peace, and now he's been recalled.  All Powell could say is that there is a need for both sides to send a message that they wish to work for peace.

In other words, we are disengaged. 

Tim then turned to India-Pakistan friction and the attack by a Pakistan terror cell on India's Parliament -- will we support India?  Powell said that Pakistani strongman Musharraf condemned the attacks immediately (hmmm...sounds kinda like Arafat, so it's OK when one does it but not enough when the other does), and the US is encouraging both sides to share information with each other.  Powell added that there are tensions that could get ratcheted up to actions that could go out of control (gee, remind you of another hot spot?).

Finally, Tim turned in a roundabout way to Saddam, mentioning the Food-for-Oil program, which Powell spun favorably.  Tim: "Is it a good policy?"  Powell said a better policy would be Saddam allowing inspectors in and a dropping of sanctions. Tim said Saddam keeps saying no to inspectors; Powell said the sanctions therefore remain in place (translation: we make no moves, we wait for the rest of the world to move first in the interest of destabilizing so-called sovereignty).

Tim then quoted Cheney from comments he made ten years ago, calling for taking out Saddam while the coalition was in place.  Powell conceded that Saddam was not taken out, but claimed he is weakened and we restored the legitimate government of Kuwait.  Tim: "But we could have taken him out."  Powell said that was NOT the goal of Desert Storm.  Tim then quoted a joint letter to His Fraudulence calling for the funding of the Iraqi Opposition; Powell said that the feasibility of such a move is still being investigated, and while he understands the sentiment, the US is looking for opportunities.

Tim then quoted a letter by Sen. Joe Biden (D-DE) that is critical of pulling out of the ABM Treaty, in that we are still doing testing that is not in violation. Powell tried to undercut Biden's honest argument while trying to play down both the friction the move caused with Russia (Powell said Putin was "accepting", but that's misleading) and arguing that ABM is obsolete (while avoiding evidence that it has set off a new arms race in Asia).

Tim tied the ABM flap to the official US stance on germ warfare and the sense that we have gone unilateralist (in fact, Tim had indirectly been building the case for disengagement for most of the segment, with this being a final "zinger").  Powell was on the defensive -- and did his best to "prove" that we are cooperative with other nations while saying that the US must consider its interest first.

What an admission.  Essentially, he had proved Tim's point: the impact on foreign relations of our unilateral moves is being yanked from the equation at the White House.  Talk about slitting your own throat as a diplomat...

Tim then brought up Tom Friedman's op-ed piece critical of former governor Bush's failure to ask young people to enlist in national service -- uniformed or volunteer corps.  Powell said, in typical cliché phrases,  "The president is committed" to the idea "and will move ahead..."

Following the break, Tim himself moved ahead to the House leadership, Reps. Dick Gephardt and Dick Armey.  Tim asked Armey if not getting Osama means failure; Armey mumbled a response; Gephardt wished has-been and quitter Armey well, pointing out that they don't agree on much, before saying he believes the Al Qaeda bosses and Osama will be brought to justice, and it is time to convince Islamic youth that violence does not work.  Tim asked the congressional leaders about Walker -- do they consider him a traitor?  Dick Armey said he needs to be tried, and favors a military tribunal -- but wonders what drove him to join the Taliban.  Gephardt said Walker "went off the track... like some young people", and "he'll be taken care of in the proper venue."  He also beat Dick Armey to the punch in praising young Americans serving in the defense of our country (look for this to be a message pushed by Democrats early and often leading up to the 2002 elections).

"Saddam!"  Gephardt said it's time to get a global coalition together to put the screws to the wily Iraqi leader, and Armey said it's time to pressure him into acting civilized (you mean, like your Texas buddy Shrub?  They're both oilmen and they both love a fight, so that must make Saddam "civilatized" by Cowboy George's standards).  As we continue to lead, said Armey, Saddam will be more isolated -- but will be compelled to cooperate?  Tim asked if we MUST make it a military mission; Armey said if he were Saddam, he'd not want to trifle with the American people

Gephardt said Arafat should have dealt with Hamas ages ago -- he hopes he will take action and "be part of a constructive outcome."

Should we rethink our relations with the Saudis? Gephardt said that it's time for the Saudis to reconsider their own policies -- and it's time for a national energy policy that weans us from OPEC and jump-starts renewable and alternative energy sources, including tax incentives for high-mileage cars.  Armey was forced to admit that just drilling in Alaska is no answer -- so he wants to drill in Alaska and every other place possible, plus expand "nukeyuhler" energy.  Gephardt said that nuke waste is an issue; it's time for fuel cells.

Tax cuts!  Will there be a compromise?  Will the GOP yield on unemployment?  Armey "explained" that the Dems have the wrong priorities, and claimed their plan would create jobs (where's the laugh track when you need it?  tax cuts to the rich do NOT create jobs -- where's Gene Sperling when a pundit show needs him?).  Will there be a deal?  Armey said, "The odds are, uhh, good."  Gephardt said, "House Republicans have been out of step with everyone else (including Senate Republicans)" and that their idea -- a giveback of $25 BILLION to big industry for doing NOTHING -- has no credibility (translation: "The odds are, no uhhs or ahs, lousy").  Armey whined, claiming that there was "inaccuracy" (right, Armey -- from out of YOUR mouth), then suddenly said that poll numbers mean something (only when they can be shaped to "prove" Americans want a tax cut).  He kept claiming that his bill would put people back to work -- drilling for oil in Alaska!

The laughter in the media room could not be contained!  Doesn't Armey know that the Enron agenda is deader than...well, Enron?

Following the break -- DeLay of game!  Tim cited Curt Weldon and Pete Stark, both of whom called Majority Leader-to-be Tom DeLay (R-TX) a boost -- to Democrats!  Armey said Tim was unfair (ha, ha, ha -- when he's attacking Democrats, he's fair).  When asked if Gephardt gets along with Armey, he answered that he will work with the new majority leader (translation: he does NOT get along with DeLay, and bring him on!).  Will Gephardt run?  In keeping with Sunday pundit tradition, Gephardt gave a non-answer that shouted "Absolutely maybe."

 -- Donna Wynner

Capitol Gang
Our luck holds as Kate O'Beirne is again absent, and Borin' Orrin "I like it here!" Hatch takes her place. Plus, Hillary gets interviewed by someone not out to score points with the right. 

Capitol Gang kicked off addressing the fishy tape that allegedly "proves" that Osama bin Laden was the "sole" planner of the Sept. 11 attacks. 

Getting things off to a stomach churning start, we were treated to our illegitimate leader sitting there sounding even more vicious and shallow than usual. He flatly intoned "I don't care" when asked whether he would prefer bin Laden captured dead or alive. This menace is displaying as much brute hatred and viciousness as any of his so-called "evil ones." Justice? Fuhgeddaboudit. Let's just wipe them out. Solid proof that bin Laden is the sole planner of the attack? We'll tell you he's responsible and you better just trust us. And when we FINALLY are forced to release this tape, you better see the same thing we TELL you to see. 

The Gang was gung-ho on this bandwagon. Even Margaret Carlson came out and tried to cram as much "macho by military proxy" rhetoric into her comments as she could. She said that anyone that didn't believe the tape was "proof" that bin Laden was the sole person responsible for the attacks probably "believes Elvis is alive", and called it "repugnant". She even went so far as to say she hoped he was captured alive so we could "put some bamboo sticks under his fingers and torment him day by day for the rest of his life."

Sounds like Maggie decided there's no glory in resisting the patriotic/militaristic/brutal revenge line. Either that, or it's a case of too much long-term exposure to Kate O'Beirne.

This writer saw nothing in the tape that would even have a chance of standing up in court as far as proof of guilt. The only way I could see any proof of his guilt, or even of his prior knowledge of the attack, required the viewer to make some prior assumptions. But there's an enormous push to say this is the "proof" that so far has been completely absent. I somehow don't think this is going to be swallowed by many outside the U.S. and it's allies. 

Novakula continues on his rational streak this week (plus, he is again sporting his jaunty red vest, a highlight of my holiday season). It's to the point where I could almost have lunch with him without worrying about vomiting, or passing out from a laughing fit (but I'd still have to guard my food from getting covered in his spittle). He made the intelligent observation that the U.S. always tries to personalize their enemies, whether it be Hitler, Mussolini, or Saddam Hussein. Novak even suggested that maybe if we had personalized Ho Chi Minh, we might have won Vietnam. 

But he correctly points to the folly and danger of trying to make this a war against bin Laden alone. As is plainly evident, even if we do capture him, "dead or alive", it really will not represent any sort of real victory at all. 

Orrin Hatch (R-RIAA/ASCAP/BMI), who is just a stones throw away from being certifiably nuts (just like his fellow religious ideologue John Ashcroft), said he thought the tape was "devastating" to bin Laden, and then calmly recited the most outrageous pile of self-serving, distorted dung I've heard in a long time. He really outdid himself. Get a load of this:

"But I knew it was Osama bin Laden almost from day one. I mean, I've been watching this character and studying him on the Intelligence Committees for many, many years. I was, I think, the first one to warn the Clinton Administration that -- My gosh! -- you'd better get on top of Osama bin Laden or he's going to kill Americans. Well, they didn't; and, of course, this has happened."

My gosh, Orrin, you're a lying, self-serving little prick that can't stop himself from trying to elevate himself by lying about someone that's been out of politics for over a year! This is the kind of leadership we really need! What about the terrorism threat Orrin? "I was the first one to try to save our entire country single handedly, but the horrible Clinton Administration wouldn't listen to me, and now thousands have lost their lives and the country is plunged into war." 

How can ANYONE have the sheer cajones to say that crap with a straight face??? And I'm equally shocked that no one on the panel was unable to suppress an audible groan! I had to re-play the tape to make sure I heard what I thought I did. This guy is a world-class loon, as was on prominent display during his laughable run for president. His abortive campaign was painful to watch, and he came off as someone chugging triple espressos and clinging desperately to his sanity. 

Thankfully, this nerdy fool will never be taken seriously while he continues to make statements like that (and trust me, he will continue). 

After I recovered from that abomination, I heard Hunt say he thought the tape was "chilling proof".

Novak mentioned that many in the Arab world think the tape was a fake and doctored using Hollywood techniques. The panel dismissed such talk.

I myself think the visual image is real, but the translation is suspect, as are the omission of several parts of the dialog, due to "inaudibility." Many have said he was shown laughing about the attack and the loss of life, but there was one such gap at that moment, so we don't have any idea why they were smiling or laughing. I've heard one independent translator say that they were smiling after bin Laden had been congratulated on his marriage (must be his twelfth or so). One thing is certain, if you live in the U.S., you will never know the truth. Everyone in the corporate press instantly accepted the exact spin the White House put on it.

The tape may show that bin Laden is no friend of the West, and that he indeed isn't too broken up about the attack or the loss of innocent lives. That alone is reason to despise him. But it falls far short of being the definitive proof the misadministration says it is, or the "smoking gun" that proves he definitely planned, coordinated, and/or financed the attack. In my opinion, nothing on the tape even proved he had prior knowledge of the attack, as so many people assert. 

But as Novak pointed out, it's all really a moot point. Whether or not he's guilty as charged, it makes no difference. Taking him out or capturing him does very little or nothing as far as eliminating the threat of terrorism in the future. In light of that indisputable fact, the whole tape episode is shown to be nothing but a distracting propaganda stunt. 

Shields then made the observations that even if we would have apprehended the terrorists before they carried off the attack, they wouldn't have known anything about the mission anyway, as they weren't informed of what their mission was until they were already boarding the planes. 

Orrin, who many times appears to be under the influence of some sort of psychotropic drugs (no doubt supplied by lobbyists from PhRMA), said that this shows how sophisticated these evil-doers are. He then took a stab at defending "Jesus John" Ashcroft, which sounded silly and self-serving, as usual. He's also all tweaked out because Ashcroft has been getting savaged as much from the right as the left.

Evidently, it never occurs to Orrin that the broad criticism might be because Ashcroft is a freaking nut-case who is vastly over-reaching in his attempt to reshape our country and Constitution in his distorted, anti-democratic, neo-theocratic, authoritarian image. 

Then we were treated to a break. At least now we're getting some Christmas commercials, rather than the endless corporate PAC propaganda that we usually suffer through. The usual morass of crass commercialism is much easier to ignore.

The next segment dealt with the dangerous tack that President Mud Puddle is taking in scrapping the ABM treaty. Dim Son was shown standing in a swarm of tiny flies mouthing his goofy pronouncement off of a 3x5 card (I imagined Karl Rove rushing in and slapping him across the face -- hard -- with a fly-swatter in an attempt to prevent those bugs from marring the photo op; this is one secret technique for getting through this stuff).

We were also treated to a clip of Daschle saying it would have been nice to have heard about this major announcement beforehand rather than reading about it in the press.

Then in a strange spasm of his old hypocritical self, Vampire Bob started whining about how if you're against the scrapping of the ABM treaty, you're accused of being partisan. He then said what people on the Hill mean by bipartisanship is "BUY-partisanship", as in "buy my partisanship."

He then complained that Dems never liked any weapons systems at all, going back to the hydrogen bomb (which I think is something to be proud of.) 

Then Hunt pointed out that it was a "liberal Democrat" that dropped the first atomic bomb. Novak spat back, "He wasn't a liberal", which elicited guffaws from Shields and Hunt, who said that they were glad that Bob had changed his mind about Truman!

Hunt then listed the points against the truly asinine and needless spaced based missile defense system that Mud Puddle is pushing. It's destabilizing, and will likely lead to a renewed arms race, causing Asian powers including China, Pakistan, and India (and maybe even Rupert Murdoch) to increase their missile and nuclear defenses -- which will of course enrich defense corporations immensely, but will further suck billions from the treasuries of many countries, thus leaving their populations worse off and eliminating progress on other more productive fronts.

It's full of bugs, and several tests have failed miserably. 

And most notably, it won't do a damn thing to prevent suitcase bombs, nukes on a barge in a port, biological weapons, chemical assaults, or a vast array of other means of attack. 

Hatch then again showed his gift for being a simpleton, saying that the fact remains that we have no way of defending ourselves against missile attack.

Well, that's true, Orrin -- if you are stupid enough to ignore the fact that we have about 500 times the retaliatory strength of any other country on earth, and to attack the U.S. with a weapon of mass destruction is pretty much the same as dropping hundreds of payloads ranging from daisy cutters to neutron bombs on the roofs of you, your henchmen, and their henchmen.

Ignoring this deterrent that has proved effective ever since the advent of nuclear weapons, Orrin said we need a way to defend ourselves against missiles since many countries are developing them.

Well, yeah -- because Simian POTUS is scrapping all the treaties that served to prevent this, you moron.

Then his voice rose an octave and he started going on about how "...we ought to be protective of ourselves" (huh?) and saying that "We can do an awful lot of good in this world by being safe" (what??!!), then proclaiming, "We've learned from terrorism, there are many forms, but one of them is the threat of intercontinental ballistic destruction."

Wow! Terrorists constructing and accurately launching intercontinental ballistic missiles.

That Orrin is a pretty bright feller for someone very proud of having once lived in a chicken coop, as he reminded us repeatedly during his stupid presidential campaign, but again, he completely ignores the fact that this "Star Wars" gimmick would do NOTHING to prevent terrorist attacks whatsoever.

Why can't Orrin just get the hell out like drunken Dick Armey (R-coeds, baby!) and loopy Phil "Enron" Gramm (R-idiot grin)?

Speaking of drinking, Big Dick Armey's long overdue good-bye was the lead subject of the next segment. They showed a clip of his maudlin and laughable resignation speech on the floor of the House. He said reverently, "You see, my friends, it is true what we say about this wonderful House chamber: here the people govern", bringing on gales of laughter from me, since the bastard invariably took the corporate or anti-government position against the interests of "the people" at every turn (not to mention that the son of a bitch worked for the highest bidder, and couldn't have been farther from representing "real" people).

Then the panel turned to the prospect of the true "evil one", Tom "Bugged-out" DeLay (R-Baygon), who is a shoo-in to garner the position of House Majority leader. This is no news, as DeLay has been calling the shots all along anyway. Ray LaHood, (R-IL) is interested in the post as well. Martin Frost, Democratic Caucus Chairman, was quoted as saying that having DeLay in there is a good thing for Democrats, as he's the most repugnant jerk since Gingrich (to paraphrase).

Since Gingrich? The Bug Man could teach Newt a few things about repugnance!

Hunt said that DeLay is one of the most "ethically challenged" members of Congress, and that he might not stand up to scrutiny (that's IF any Democrat grows a pair and actually attempts to investigate; sadly, the chances of that appear nil).

Carlson said that Armey was more likable than DeLay. Boy, consider that! That's like saying throat cancer is not as bad as lung cancer. But maybe it might be a good thing for the American people to get a better picture of the face of the Republican party -- the despicable, dishonest, mean, fanatical, and reptilian Tom DeLay. 

Hatch yammered about how effective DeLay has been, and sounded like an idiot when the only laudable thing he could come up with about Armey and Gramm was their sense of humor (Shields then said that he wished someone would compile the best of Phil Gramm's humor -- I think it would be a very thin book).
Then they brought up how Gramm had said Clinton's economic plan would be a "job killer" and how dead wrong he was on that, to which Hatch tried to say that it had been. (the guy is flat out whacked.) 

Then Novak cracked us up by mentioning about how, when Armey first got to the House, he lived in the "men's room." HAHAHAHA! Of course, he meant how he slept in his office in an effort to economize, supposedly, but probably because he was too drunk to look for an apartment. 

Novak ranted some more, and Shields made a good observation: Novak spends 90% of his time on the show telling us all what liberals think. HAHA. What would we do without you Bob? We'd have no idea how we think! No wonder right-wingers are so insane. They depend on people like Novak and Limbaugh to tell them how "liberals" think! And that's been true for years now. 

I think it's worth noting that at least liberals DO think, as opposed to Cro-Magnon right-wing troglodytes that need to have someone TELL them how to think (and on AM radio no less, since reading is kinda tough! Leave that to those pointy headed liberal "intileckshulls").

Then Senator Hillary Clinton was on, interviewed by Al Hunt.

As usual, she came off as confident and composed, which is even more impressive considering the almost inhuman levels of vicious attack she's had to endure. 

Did she think the 20 billion dollars the government has pledged is going to be sufficient to re-build New York? 

No, she didn't think that would cut it, but was confident she'd get what was needed. 

What about her and Rudy? Have they really patched up their animosity?

Of course, any animosity that was there was due to the right wing attacks and slurs during the campaign, not due to any untrue slurs against Rudy.

Sen. Clinton said she really admired him, and praised his performance post Sept. 11, saying he's absolutely dedicated to doing anything he can to help. This of course, is something that seems to be impossible for any Republican to do, namely, be charitable in an honest way to their opponents.

Then Hunt said, "As you know, there is never any shortage of Hillary bashers." To which Hillary replied, feigning shock, "Oh, no!! Oh Al!", and laughed brightly. Hahaha!

Then Hunt brought up the cretin Shill... er, Bill O'Reilly and his inane attacks on her for supposedly not going to enough services for victims of the attack. 

Sen. Clinton said, "Well, you know, he assails me for something nearly every day, and I feel sorry for him." Yeah, pity the fool! Haha! 

She explained that she went to funerals of two people she knew, and said she didn't feel it was proper to intrude on the grief of people just because you're a politician. 

When asked about her husband, she listed all the truly good works he'd done since leaving office, and Hunt asked her what kind of political advisor he was. "The best!", she said with a beaming smile. 

Then they went back to the panel to discuss it. Hunt admitted that he'd thought it was a mistake for her to run for the Senate back then, but that he now felt she's handled it beautifully, keeping a low profile, doing her homework, and even working with people across the aisle that had voted to impeach her husband. 

Novak, true to his prince of darkness moniker, said he remembered "her lying, her arrogance, her contempt for the system, her contempt for Congress, and a lot of people in the country will remember that for a long time to come."

And you and others, Bob, will do all they can to make sure that they do. You bastards. Of course, WE will remember your lying, your arrogance, your contempt for the system, your contempt for women -- and a lot of people in the country will remember THAT for a long time to come.

Okay, we'll admit Bob ALMOST made it through a show without reverting to his typical brand of B.S.

Carlson waxed poetic about how fortunate it was that Giuliani didn't run for Senator and remained as mayor, because he wouldn't have been in the position he is in when we needed him. 

Shields then commented that he's convinced that Novak would blame declining Christmas sales, the resignation of George O'Leary as Notre Dame's football coach, and the bankruptcy of Enron on the Clintons. 

Novak replied, "I'll look into it!" HA!!!

The next segment was an interview with George Mitchell about the Middle East. Mitchell is a wise man when it comes to diplomacy and dealing with seemingly impossible conflicts, and he had many interesting observations and thoughts on the matter.

But in the interest of space, let's move on... to the Outrages of the Week (rim shot)!

[NOTE: my comments enclosed in brackets.]

SHIELDS: "Do you recall the right wing radio and press corps that condemned Bill Clinton over Whitewater, a failed Arkansas land deal of quite small potatoes? Suddenly, all those press tigers have lost their tongues and their outrage, after Enron, the Houston energy giant, with intimate ties to Mud Puddle's political career and his inner circle, turns into history's biggest bankruptcy, costing 21,000 people their jobs, and many of them their pensions. Enron's top gun [Bush butt-boy Kenneth Lay] was an intimate of the president and the vice-president, with total access to this White House. Surely Enron is a LOT bigger story than Whitewater."

[Absolutely! This is HUGE! A golden opportunity! This is Pulitzer Prize material here! Any takers? Anyone? Anyone? .... Anyone? ...... (sound of crickets chirping)]

NOVAK: "It was an outrage when President Clinton invoked executive privilege to keep Congress from investigation his abuses. It's no less an outrage now, with resident Mud Puddle using the same constitutionally dubious device. The resident cites the need for 'candor' inside his administration, but that's not what's really at stake. He's blocking Dan Burton's [R-Insane Clown] probe of the FBI many years ago protecting mob informants as they committed crimes. This is the old 'protect the FBI' ploy, and resident Dim Bulb should take another look at it."

[Bob scores points for consistency here, if little else.]

CARLSON: "After nine years of marriage, Crown Princess Misako finally gave birth to a baby girl, but not to an heir. In Japan, girls cannot ascend to the throne. The Princess, a former diplomat educated at Harvard and Oxford could change all that. There's a brilliant ad for a new women's TV network featuring a nursery full of baby girls throwing off their pink booties and hats and roaring. Princess Misako dragged the Imperial family into the 21rst century. Toss those pink booties, your daughter should be in line to be the next leader of Japan. Hear her roar. 

[No reason a female shouldn't be Japan's figurehead, but I don't think the ad should be the impetus.]

HUNT: "John Ashcroft, parading as a moderate to win Senate confirmation, promised in January to meet with Planned Parenthood over the epidemic of violence against abortion and birth control clinics. These incidents include anthrax threats and bombings. Unlike the FBI which is aggressively going after these criminals, Attorney General Ashcroft has reneged on this commitment."

[Another true outrage from this reckless fruitcake, Ashcroft. And proof that we were all right in assuming that the creep was lying through his super-Christian teeth and saying whatever it took to slip through the confirmation process. Evidently, bald-faced lies and deceit are part of Jesus John's brand of Christian morality.]

And that's your weekly dose of the galling, the goofy, and the grating from the Gang.

-- Dash Riprock

Donna Wynner is an attorney.  She lives in scenic Fort Lee, New Jersey, just a stone's throw from CNBC.

Morrie Friendly is a retired political strategist.  He lives in Georgetown.

Dash Riprock is a free-lance smart aleck based in Moline, IL. He's had his stomach lined with three inches of space age non-corrosive material an effort to continue watching pundit shows so you don't have to. Feel free to verbally beat him about the head and shoulders, or grossly inflate his ego, your call, at  dashriprockapj@hotmail.com!

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