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Contact Information for Pundit String-Pullers |
Sunday, December 23, 2001, updated 5:30 PM (APJP) -- Most of the Pundit Pap team was away with family celebrating the holidays, leaving the task of tracking the holiday musings of the Sabbath Gasbags to a handful of our vigilant political junkies.
The big story we were hoping to see dissected was the fact that independent translations of the Osama party tape indicate that officials of our "good ally", the Saudi government, were in on the September 11th attacks -- and are still aiding Al Qaeda and Osama.
This is not just embarrassing to George the Fraud and his team of handlers; it raises questions about the integrity and trustworthiness of one so-called "ally" against terrorism. People who do not get big city newspapers may not be aware that the House of Saud has bought advertising to "sell" their close ties and "friendship" with the United States.
Yeah. With friends like these...
As we went to press with our "early edition" of Pundit Pap, CNN broke the news that Time announced that Rudy Giuliani was Man of the Year.
Good, we say -- even we have to agree that Rudy had a strong impact on the American psyche -- certainly more than Smirking George or Donald Rumsfeld, and arguably more than even Osama. Jim Kelly from Time said they even considered naming firefighters, policemen and EMS workers "People of the Year", but reviewing Rudy's public appearances on tape was the linchpin -- the response to the attacks of September 11th outweighed the attacks themselves, just as Churchill beat Hitler in 1950 as the Man of the Half-Century; "Osama has lost."
Here's what we saw.
FAUX News Sunday
Before Tony Snow turned to the most pressing political topic of the week according to Roger Ailes -- no stimulus package for his rich pals (boo-hoo) -- a FAUX correspondent updated the situation in Afghanistan (including the news that the US may have been bamboozled into bombing tribal leaders on the way to Kabul for Karzai's inauguration).
Then Tony welcomed House Squeaker Dennis "DeLay Puppet" Hastert, who wrung his hands over the failure of Congress to pass a "stimulus package". Tony and Denny dutifully used the term "stimulus package" at least a half-dozen times before running a clip of Daschle saying the GOP version was NOT stimulative -- but cutting his follow-up explanation of why the GOP plan is all hat, no cattle. Hastert said something about health care and Democrat centrists, then LIED as he said that he had tried to bring all parties together.
Right -- Dems are just SOOOOOO eager to work with DeLay's shoe-shine boy.
Tony pushed the official GOP line: Tom Daschle is an obstructionist; Denny pitched Arctic drilling, the stimulus package, and fake health care. Tony cued Denny to explain why the Senate is "obstructing" House initiatives.
Oh, please. talk about "fair and balanced" one-sidedness! Daschle is shooting down corrupt, sleazy legislation that enriches Smirk's already cash-flush pals while screwing middle-class taxpayers, small businesses, and folks who don't make enough to pay taxes.
Tony then asked about next year's spending. Hastert said it's in American interest to help Afghanistan, in part to stem traffic in opium. Tony said Tom Ridge needs more money; Denny said "we know they need more money" but "let's see what they really need." What will be cut? Hastert gave an evasive non-answer, claiming that they need to "stimulate the economy."
Translation: good-bye Clinton Surplus, yet another affirmation of The Onion's prescient proclamation that "Our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is over".
Tony then asked if Congress would open the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge; Hastert called it a "golf-course size piece of land". That is an outright LIE. Was Hastert "vindicated" on his shutdown of the House after the anthrax attacks? Hastert said he could take the attacks on his decision.
Yep -- take it to the bank that he'll be labeled a wuss forever.
Tony then attacked 20-year-old ne'er-do-well "American Taliban" John Walker Lindh, asking if he was a traitor; naturally, Muslim-basher Denny said yes. Again, make no mistake: this is demonization, pure and simple. Lindh made stupid choices, and is arguably a criminal, but these constant calls for his hanging serve only to fan the flames of uncritrcal group-think and hatred.
Condit? Denny said he might be back. What about a commission to look into the FBI and intelligence allegedly having dropped leads leading up to Sept. 11th? Hastert said law enforcement is doing great, dismissing these needed hearings as a "witch hunt."
Well, put on your pointy black hat, Denny -- you and DeLay short-changed counterintelligence and law enforcement for years, choosing to support endless investigations into Clinton's trousers!! Your party will pay.
Finally, Tony and Denny declared Rudy Giuliani Man of the Year (hmmm... did someone at Time-Warner give them a heads-up?).
Next up: a "FAUX-friendly" Conservative Democrat, Sen. John Breaux (D-LA), who hinted that a "stimulus package" may come up in the next session.
God, Rupert must be DESPERATE for a "stimulus" payoff -- even though it's a marginal issue this week!
Breaux said that Senate rules got in the way of passing a package. Barnes said there is a majority in the Senate for a stimulus, then blamed "big labor" for obstructing a stimulus; Breaux said that they were fighting for better health coverage. Barnes pinned "obstruction" on Daschle.
Then followed a telling exchange with Mara Liasson, who said it explicitly -- and also acknowledged that the GOP is saying this "over and over and over". Breaux called it a typical blame game. Mara even pointed out that Frank Luntz sent out a memo telling GOPers to label Daschle as an obstructionist.
Look for her to get called on the carpet by Kim Hume and Ailes.
Mort Kondracke asked Breaux about other issues: prescription drug benefits, Medicare, Social Security reform.
Tony asked Breaux if Daschle has made any assurances to him that a stimulus bill will be moved on eatry on; Breaux said no. Tony then blamed James Carville for putting out memos critical of Smirk outside of his handling of the war, and calling the GOP the party of the rich; Breaux, to our surprise, deflected and did not try to distance himself from the notion. Tony tried to push Breaux into characterizing himself as an independent; Breaux would not play. Barnes tried to malign "trial lawyers" for "killing" insurance for terror victims; Breaux fired back by saying the GOP kowtows to their rich constituents! Barnes looked taken off-guard.
Tony then turned to ANWR, knowing full well that Breaux supports it.
What next in the war? Breaux said that it will be a long-term commitment. Is the president trampling civil liberties? Breaux, a buddy of As-KKKroft, said no, mentioning only the issue of military tribunals.
And that's why FAUX loves to invite Breaux over, say, John Edwards -- he's a stealth Republican on too many issues.
Msgr. Tom Hartman and Rabbi Mark Gelman -- the "God Squad" -- were the next guests, and they discussed spiritual renewal in the wake of the September 11th attacks with Tony. It gave Tony yet another opportunity to "witness" -- and for viewers to witness FAUX News's pro-religion bias. But the irony is that Hartman and Gelman are a lot more popular on, say, the liberal-leaning and socially conscious Unitarian circuit than the circle jerk of Robertson-Falwell-Dobson Christian Taliban media hogs (which only goes to prove that FAUX does allow liberals on their "fair and balanced" propaganda mill -- if they're religious enough)! It also gave Gelman and Hartman a chance to challenge religious intolerance on ALL sides. Gelman nevertheless was saddened that only isolated voices in the Islam world have condemned -- this is the time of THEIR "Crusade", and time for their intellectuals to rise to the challenge.
So what political stories did Tony push? Study uncovers Christmas fruitcakes that can withstand machine gun fire! The Army will not let servicemen do parachute jumps as Santa! Free burials in Wisconsin for drunk drivers! And Osama's mom says he's still a kind and sweet guy! we were "disappointed" -- not much liberal-bashing this week.
Then: panel time, featuring their REAL war correspondent, Steve Harrigan, with the usual band of loudmouths.
Tony cued Harrigan to talk about the tough uphill job that Karzai, a brilliant, experienced and daring guy, has before him; Mort said he's seen by many as a CIA puppet, and Harrigan said he can move between the Eastern and Western worlds adeptly.
And that's actually a plus -- he and many Afghan leaders know in a Machiavellian way that they can profit from strong Western ties and support.
Mara asked about the potential porousness of Afghanistan; Harrigan said the Northern Alliance did a surprisingly good job when they took Kabul.
Fred asked about a partition of Afghanistan; Harrigan said it would invite chaos.
Where's Osama? Harrigan said he had to have an exit plan, and Pakistan is the likely answer; Osama would be traveling with a large escort.
Tony asked about keeping a new nation together; Harrigan pointed out that there is not sense among most Afghans of a national identity, and Tony and Harrigan concurred about the constantly shifting alliances.
Where's Mullah Omar? Harrigan said probably in Kandahar, and he still has many supporters
What's the big story? Air power won it -- and the alliance was able to take back Afghanistan because of it.
Then Tony turned to (you guessed it) the stimulus package! Fred said that it's popular outside the Beltway and Daschle took a lot of slings and arrows. Mara said that points that help the little guy (unemployment, health care benefits) will continue to be attached by Democrats
Tony then bashed Bill Clinton for getting his friends to get the message out about eight years of peace and prosperity. Mara said Dems don't have a major figure -- an outright lie. Tony quoted Hillary defending Bil's legacy, and Kondracke, in an uncharacteristic cheap shot, said that the series in the Washington Post that falsified the story of Bill's war on Osama, prompted bthis "damage control."
A small reminder for our editors: under Clinton, we came far closer to offing Osama than we did under Smirk, who had the advantage of using massive air power.
But then, what else do you expect from a TV network whose news operation has a stake in continuing to bash Bill Clinton? Much of their unprofitable news unit's ad revenue seems to hinge on attacking the Big Dog. We predict the cable FAUX News Channel will continue to lose money and ratings in the coming years -- but FAUX News Sunday will continue to gain in ratings. It's partisan, but entertaining and thought-provoking -- and other shows are picking up their pace to match the style and comprehensiveness of FNS.
-- Donna Wynner
McLaugh-In
Issue One: Feds Ed!
John McLaugh-In celebrated the passage of the Ed Bill in the Senate, trying to claim it not only as a victory for Smirk and largely written by the White House -- while IGNORING the fact that the original scam was gutted by Democrat pressure, and that it looks to do nothing more than impose testing.
Has Smirk delivered reform? Larry Kudlow said lightly, and bristled as he called it "more Ted Kennedy than George Bush" (cut to a shot of Larry O'Donnell grinning like an idiot). Kudlow lied as he said that black kids are short-changed by the bill. Eleanor Clift said that education was the one issue that gave him a claim to compassion, and what did he do? Impose bigger federal government on local education in the form of questionable tests that teachers admit they will have to teach to! Tony Blankley gave an interesting insight into why Smirk thinks it's a successful compromise: he is able to talk testing while the privatization plans were dropped. Larry O'Donnell said both sides hate the bill (hmmm -- sounds like the definition of compromise). John tried pushing the concessions as concessions to the union, and said it "kills psychobabble... grades count!"
What kind of a feather does the bill get?
Kudlow: Peacock -- all color, no substance.
Eleanor: Peacock.
Tony: Hawk -- and Tony owns four peacocks!
O'Donnell: That's more than NBC!
John: Eagle feather, because Smirk beat the NEA!
Issue two: a Texas woman testifies before Congress on how she was financially battered by Enron. John talked about the "hubris" of Enron -- and the ties of Wendy Gramm to Enron, who joined their board weeks after helping deregulate energy trading. John all but indicted Enron for fraud, dirty bookkeeping, and insiders saying that the deals were " 'like crack'...and like crackheads, they got bolder." Thousands of employees got screwed, and thousands of stockholders lost a lot of money. Kudlow blamed the Enron fall on bad management of a company that morphed from an energy company to commodities brokers that suffered from deflation -- as he defended deregulation (quite poorly at that). O'Donnell said that Arthur Anderson acted not like auditors but defense attorneys "because they want to keep the big clients...[they] CANNOT BE TRUSTED, do NOT believe them when they say your company is OK." Eleanor said the Smirk team is dodging a bullet; "I bet Karl Rove is not taking Ken Lay's phone calls." Kudlow: "There is NOT. ONE. WHIT. of collusion here."
Yeah, right -- so why was Dick "Dick" Cheney meeting with Lay when the Sept. 11 attacks happened?
Eleanor said it's time to beef up regulations. John said the SEC "has to be very careful with balance sheets" and mentioned that Forbes called them a great company. Tony whined about the possibility of "Soviet-style regulation" because of "one crooked official."
John, however, seemed sympathetic to investors who got scammed as he played tape of an employee/investor who lost over a million bucks -- but should he be reimbursed? Kudlow said too bad -- it's a free market and you can invest anywhere. John said he did not intend to be unsympathetic. Will insiders go to jail?
Kudlow: Possibly
Eleanor: Probably
Tony: Yes
O'Donnell: I hope so
Is Phil Gramm leaving the Senate because of the Enron meltdown?
Kudlow: No!
Eleanor: We don't know what she knew and when she knew it, but Gramm had oversight power
Tony: He was talking about this a long time ago
O'Donnell: Naaah.
John: No.
Issue three: Rum Punch! America LOVES Rumsfled (oh, please -- gag me with a missile test). John then proceeded with what almost looked like a campaign commercial for Rummy. Eleanor said he's a success for the reason he was a failure as a politician -- straight talk. O'Donnell said he "reeks of competence". John said he "reeks of success". Tony said that he's doing a couple things, including showing his personality. How long will the fascination will last?
Kudlow: As long as he's in office.
Eleanor: As long as we succeed in Afghanistan -- if we fail in Iraq, he's toast.
Tony, O'Donnell: A long time.
John: Only as long as the war continues.
Issue four: Why is the economy as important an issue as terrorism? Tony had the best insight: Smirk has to keep the war on terror going as an issue.
Translation: it's the economy, stupid, and make sure people don't notice how bad it is!
Must Smirk address the economy in the State of the Union Address? The consensus: yes.
The other poll results show that Americans want the war to continue. Eleanor said it's not true in the rest of the world; the coalition will collapse if it expands; Kudlow said there is no coalition.
Then John turned to the questionable "overwhelming" support of Smirk-o-nomics, giving Kudlow a chance to bask Daschle as following Al Gore's lead.
Question for Kudlow: who won the popular vote in 2000?
Predictions!
Kudlow: Recovery holds, and the Fed does not lower interest rates.
Eleanor: White House and Democrats try to outdo each other on beefing up unemployment
Tony: Smirk unveils a postsecondary education initiative
O'Donnell: Educational testing mandates in the new Ed Bill will not be implemented on time
John: McDonalds will open in Kabul by August 2002
On that last one, a couple members of the Group laughed out loud.
-- Dave "Doctor" Gonzo
Meet the Geek
Archbishop Russert conducts high mass and tries mightily to deify a guy that dropped the ball on 9-11, and one who didn't.
This week's Meet the Geek was ostensibly a politics-free zone, but it may have well been written, produced, and directed as a joint venture of the White House, Republican National Committee, and Vatican. And unfortunately, that didn't make it much less nauseating.
Now, I'd like to adopt an uplifting and somewhat positive tone on this, Christmas Eve Eve -- so I apologize in advance for not being able to do so (kinda).
The show consisted of continued maudlin, warmed-over remembrances of September 11th, and Russert serving up custom-made softballs designed to highlight just what a (literal) Godsend George W. Bush is to this nation.
Overblown piety and patriotism (thinly disguised as reverence for the accidental President) was served up almost non-stop, and in typical Russert excess.
The guests for this orgy of glory were none other than Laura Bush -- who, as usual, acquitted herself well -- and Rudy Giuliani -- who, also true to form, did a good job with the exception of a huge lapse into full blown dementia.
And, in keeping with Russert's well-established "Let's assume everyone in America is Catholic (or should be!)" theme, the Archbishop of Washington D.C., Cardinal Theodore McCarrick, also appeared -- evidently representing God in the discussion.
Timmy leaned in to Laura Bush first. In his first scripted question, he asked her what she was doing when word reached her of the attack. She explained that she was on the way to meet with Senator Teddy Kennedy when the news broke, and was with him and others when the full story unfolded. She mentioned her sense of irony about how the previous traumatic moment in her life was when she heard that Kennedy's brother had been assassinated in the great state of Texas, and now she was with him when this happened.
Yep, Laura -- and now the conservatives forces that wished JFK dead are firmly in charge of the country.
Then, in a deft show of fancy weaselwork, Timmy fast forwarded the narrative and went from the moment the attacks happened to Smirk miraculously being in the White House. The way Tim told it, it sounded as if Chimpy had rushed directly back to the White House the moment he heard the news! Like old style Soviet re-writing and whitewashing of history, now Smirk's disgraceful running hither and yon for days after the attack is suddenly erased completely from the account.
Showing the elaborate preparations involved, Timmy then led her into a "humanizing" anecdote about how she and Smirk had been ordered to sleep in the bunker under the White House, but brave Smirk said they would sleep upstairs. Then they were awakened by a Secret Service Agent with news that there was an emergency and they had to come downstairs to the command center. Laura related how she didn't have her contacts in and Gallant George had to lead her down the steps in her fuzzy slippers to find out that there was a plane aloft that they could not identify, but which was soon after determined to be a false alarm.
What a warm and touching story.
Then Rudy told his story, complete with an accompanying visual of a person flinging themselves into space from the WTC. This is indeed a gripping and powerful story...but just how many times do we need to hear it?
Next, Tim showed off his piety by asking deep philosophical questions of the Cardinal.
One-hundred and three days after the attacks, Timmy is still acting like we're all horribly traumatized and in need of spiritual healing. Evidently, Tim can't make sense out of this "evil," and thinks American needs a Catholic perspective on it.
Thanks, Tim. We all appreciate it.
Timmy highlighted a psalm the First Lady had included in her Christmas card in an attempt to allow her to pontificate. She wisely said that the Bible verse was what she felt was appropriate and instead praised what the Cardinal had just said.
I wish some of Laura's class would rub off on her crude husband.
Then in his trademark straining for maximum hand-wringing emotional value, Timmy dredged up some note sent to the First Lady and skipped completely over the contents in order to read the last line saying that the kid was praying for the resident and First Lady.
OK. I don't know why this was important to include, but I guess Timmy doesn't know the meaning of overdoing something. Perhaps this shows that little kids are very cute. I'll buy that. Tim didn't mention if the child was Muslim or not. He didn't have to.
Then Timmy turned his fawning adoration to Rudy, and gushed about what a tough guy Rudy was, and how great he was, and so on ad nauseam. Rudy handled it beautifully, with his direct and mostly honest way, managing to deflect this embarrassing performance by Russert.
Then Russert tried to bring some levity. In what has become so predicable and lame it's almost painful, Russert tried to make a funny about Red Sox fans loving New Yorkers. What would Meet the Geek be without these warm and humanizing male bonding sports jabs? Well... a bunch of overblown crap without the sports talk, I guess.
Then came the stupidest question imaginable. This happens at least once during every Meet the Geek.
Timmy thought it would be great journalism and serve to enlighten his audience if he asked each guest what they would say to Osama bin Laden if they could meet him in person. Hey, that Geraldo has nothing on ol' Timmy!
I was embarrassed for him and the panel as they all struggled to come up with some sort of sane answer to this insane question. Rudy did best by saying that he didn't think he could honestly answer with the Cardinal present.
Timmy, in a hushed and reverent tone, related this story. He said that firemen, in their mad dash into the WTC to save victims, with every second critical, stopped, according to Tim, knelt down, and asked for absolution. This awed Russert. His eyes glowing with religious excitement like a Catholic Mullah, he excitedly stated that those firemen KNEW what they were going into.
Yeah Timmy, we kind of figured that. They face potentially fatal situations as part of their jobs. We get it. We've heard it daily for over a hundred days now. But hat's off to you for finding a way to combine religious virtue with bravery -- as if they're mutually exclusive. And though there were no doubt many Catholic firemen, I don't know that there is one faith associated with bravery and service. But that's the impression you'd get listening to Tim.
Things went on in this over the top vein, and as we've all heard and read it before, it doesn't bear elaborating.
Then Timmy, in soft and reverential voice, related how Dim Bulb had said during the campaign that if he won, he won, and if he didn't, no big deal, he'd just go back to Crawford and have a nice life. From this Russert tortured out the question of whether Dim Bulb thought that "in an extraordinary way, this [i.e. to, well, "lead" during this crisis, if you want to call it that] was why he was elected?"
I tensed involuntarily while waiting for Laura Bush's answer. You could almost see Russert trying to WILL Laura into agreeing that this crook was divinely ordained to be President during this enormous crisis.
My heart stood still, but Laura, God bless her librarian heart, spared us. She sensibly (how did she end up with that goof?) replied that, no, she didn't feel that George thought that, nor did she, because that would be like saying that God picks the president.
And that's true -- we all know that's the job of the press, Tony Scalia, and Katherine Harris.
Come to think of it, why the hell can't SHE be in charge?? She's at least got an ounce of sense.
Then Russert tried fitting a halo over Rudy's head in the same way. You get the impression that, if Timmy had his way, there would be stained glass windows of Bush and Giuliani in every Catholic church in the country and on every NBC News set. Might I suggest perhaps Bush picking his nose and reading a comic book upside down, with a person getting melted in an electric chair behind him? Or Rudy in bed with a woman while his wife stood in the doorway with a baseball bat (Yankees) in her hand?
The fat dork was so giddy with the greatness of Rudy, I was afraid he'd slip up and actually ask him for "cool lessons" on air.
Rudy smoothly sidestepped the nauseating suck up job. But then, just when I'd let my guard down, Giuliani dropped a bomb. He said that he disagreed with the First Lady. He thought that there was divine influence involved in George Bush being president. He said that he'd thought that just the other day as he was walking down the street (after someone slipped him some blotter acid??!!).
After that, his words became a blur as my brain was unable to process anything more for a few moments. It's wonderful how your mind has a built in defense mechanism like that to prevent harmful overloads.
Rudy, obviously, has now progressed deeply into full-blown post traumatic stress disorder. Perhaps he can't help these delusional episodes. Let's all wish him a speedy recovery.
The rest of the show was more of the "what does it all mean" theme and shameless grabbing at emotional hooks by Russert, complete with a "miracle of life" moment when he showed a group portrait of several widows of September 11th and the babies that had been born since then.
What I'm afraid of is that those kids will be collecting Social Security (IF the Republicans haven't succeeded in wiping it out by then) before Russert and the press discover that there's something other than September 11th and the war going on in the world.
Everyone has their own threshold for this stuff, but mine was reached long ago. Just what value is it to continue to rub our noses in this tragedy? I find myself saying "We know! We KNOW!"
If I could say anything to Russert and the networks, I'd say, "Hey! We get it! What's with telling us to move on, while you insist on endlessly replaying the past? MOVE ON YOURSELVES!" They have obviously vastly overestimated how traumatized and affected the country has been by 9-11. People will never forget, but they are living their lives and don't need it shoved in their faces like a long running soap opera any longer. They act as if we are all still staggering down the streets of the country in a dazed shock.
I think the White House and the extension of their PR operation that is the major press should have a new motto.
"The Terrorist attacks, good to the last drop."
Donna Wynner is an attorney. She lives in scenic Fort Lee, New Jersey.
Dave "Doctor" Gonzo is an award-winning media guru, record producer, and political gadfly. Although he normally enjoys sanctuary in a highly fortified high-rise compound on Manhattan's Upper East Side, he is taking a rare vacation and terrorizing fellow skiers on the Colorado slopes this week.
Dash Riprock is a free lance smart-aleck based in Moline, IL. He wishes for all of his readers (naughty or nice) a child's joy and excitement in this holiday season, whether you're 9 or 92. And that's not Hollywood talk either.
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