American Politics Journal

Found on the 'Net
edited by Dave "Doctor" Gonzo

Dec. 24, 2001 -- ASPEN, CO (APJP) -- We get e-mail -- more e-mail then most e-zines of twice our size get, sometimes over 1000 messages a day.

And inevitably, we get a few side-splitters. As usual, we have to warn you these are not for the humor-impaired and can be of a mature nature (i.e., if you're incensed by what you read, grow up).

Here's one forwarded by the indefatigable Bryan Zepp Jamieson:

> 15 holiday things to do at Wal-Mart while your spouse/shopping
> partner/significant other is taking his/her sweet time:
>
> 1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in peoples carts when
> they aren't looking.
>
> 2. Set all the alarm clocks in house wares to go off at 5 minute
> intervals.
>
> 3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the rest rooms.
>
> 4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code
> 3 in house wares,'...and see what happens.
>
> 5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
>
> 6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
>
> 7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers
> you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding
> department.
>
> 8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why
> can't you people just leave me alone?
>
> 9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while
> you pick your nose.
>
> 10. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he
> knows where the anti-depressants are.
>
> 11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme
> from 'Mission Impossible'.
>
> 12. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different
> size funnels.
>
> 13. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say 'PICK
> ME! PICK ME!!!!!!'
>
> 14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal
> position and scream 'NO! NO! It's those voices again'.
>
> ...and last but certainly not least,
>
> 15. Go into a fitting room and yell real loudly ... 'Hey! We're out of
> toilet paper in here!'.
>
> Happy Holidays All!

Seen something funny on the 'Net? Gotten any outrageous e-mail lately? Forward it to Dave "Doctor" Gonzo at drgonzo@nyc.rr.com