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Smirk Fall Down Go Boom: What Really Happened in Pretzelgate?
By Michael Isacough and Dash Riprock
Exclusive photo by MoPaul
Jan. 14, 2001 -- (APJP/mopaul.com/Smirk News Service) -- White House Spokesliar Ari Fleischeater has told SNS that the pretzel that attempted to choke former Texas governor George W. Bunnypants "is being held and questioned by the Secret Service. At this time we are unable to confirm or rule out any connection between the tasty football snack and the Al Qaeda terror organization."
Additionally, SNS has learned that in response to Smirk's "spaz attack", after a brief, 5-minute "trial", the couch on which he was seated was put before a military tribunal, ordered taken outside, and summarily shot. At the Justice Department, Attorney Generalissimo John Ashcroft announced new measures that allow the FBI to seize any "suspicious" couch and hold it incommunicado without bail for an unlimited amount of time.
Fleischer additionally confirmed that National Security Advisor Condollllezzzzzaaaa Rice will brief the hapless, shiner-sporting Shrub tomorrow on proper procedures in chewing and swallowing.
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