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Contact Information for Pundit String-Pullers |
Sunday, January 27, 2002, 2:00 PM EST (APJP) -- This week, we caught the three most egregious excuses for political and public affairs programs -- FAUX News Sunday, Meet the Tim and The McLaugh-In Group. The stealth top issue of each program seemed to be summed up in five simple words:
Avoid Enrongate at all costs!
It's noteworthy that as Enrongate simply overwhelmed newspaper headlines this week, the Cheney-Card Misadministration got Vice President Dick Cheney and White House Chief of Staff Andy Card to do the spinning. it's also noteworthy that there was plenty of talk about the "war on terrorism", which these days seems restricted to imprisoning about ten dozen Al Qaeda and Taliban thugs at Guantanamo, and the upcoming State of the Enron...er, Union Address.
We heard NO talk about the following headlines:
...and that's just for starters!
Here's what we caught...
FAUX News Sunday
Big Time Dick emerges from his bunker!
A brief Time-Warner cable outage caused us to miss the first few minutes of Tony Snow's interview with Vice President Dick Cheney, so we joined the action about 4 minutes into the show.
Picture and sound kicked in as Cheney was busy characterizing Palestinian leader Yassir Arafat as an unreconstructed terrorist. FNS host Tony Snow cued Cheney to say that Arafat is "in cahoots with" Hezbollah (as if most of the world hasn't figured that out). Tony did say that the Cheney Administration has supported a Palestinian state, and Cheney said that the process of negotiating a Palestinian homeland requires a state of peace, and that is "the dream of [Palestinian] people and the administration" (then why no moves to get BOTH sides to take tensions down a notch, Dick? Arafat's a thug, but Ariel Sharon's no angel). Cheney added "Arafat has to take action" to end violence against Israelis... he knows what he has to do."
Then came the most telling exchange in which Cheney has ever taken part on TV: talk turned to Enron. Why won't Cheney release the names of his Energy Policy mafia? Cheney bragged about the "good report" that took several months to write (good for Williams, Southern, and other energy scammers) and bills that the House of Confederates passed (return on investment in pols). Cheney then carped about the GAO getting involved in the mess (a sure indication that he fears what a complete and "un-shredded" release of documents will yield), and griped that "we've already given them a lot" of material (oh, please -- it's not as if the GAO is Kenny Starr out to obtain hundreds of thousands of documents, emails and memos through subpoenas, and it's beginning to sound like a cover-up). Big Time Dick then pouted about Rep. Henry Waxman demanding records, claiming that if he did so he would never be able to have confidential discussions (complete nonsense -- Dick would have nothing to fear if he did not bear the taint of a bankrupt, crooked company himself), and said making the material public would be a "fundamentally bad idea" (oh, we see -- full disclosure and transparency of the process of secretly developing "energy policy" that shuts out consumers, environmental experts and safety and regulatory advocates is a bad thing). There was no follow-up question. Cheney then told the truth -- Democrats are trying to turn Enrongate into a political matter (and, let's face it, with a bought-and-paid-for Puppet Pretend-ident with Uncle Dicky, Uncle Rummy and Uncle Andy pulling the strings, what's so wrong with that?). Cheney again painted the issue as one of confidentiality (read: secrecy out of the light of public scrutiny and accountability) and added he would refuse to give the GAO any further material (read: he's dead meat).
Cheney then lamented the "erosion of power" of the (Imperial) Presidency and said that the Bush (read: his) administration would not allow any of its powers to be frittered away (powers that his own party tried to undermine with eight years of false "scandals" cooked up against Clinton -- and all they discovered is that he's a major-league chick magnet).
After the break, Brit Hume joined the asked if there were any circumstances under which Cheney would release material to the GAO. Cheney beat around the bush about getting advice on the matter, then AGAIN said he objected to the idea that he might not be able to have a conversation in confidence (stop wasting our time, Dick, we heard you the first time). There was no follow-up question. Hume asked about the political fallout, even using the term "attendant scandal" as he asked if Cheney is ready to deal with the heat. Cheney said the issue is not the advice of Enron but the collapse of Enron -- if there are crimes, then the crooks should be prosecuted (he may live to regret that assertion), and the Cheney-Card cadre will work to defend 401(k)s (in a way that benefits the big brokerage houses and banks, naturally). There was no follow-up question.
Is there anything in the energy plan that benefits Enron? Cheney avoided a direct answer, just saying that Enron offered suggestions, and that Enron was opposed to price controls as is he (read: screw all regulation, it's my duty to the energy cartel to see to it that they can soak power consumers), adding that he and the task force should be judged by the report (believe me, Dick, you are being judged -- as an accomplice in grand larceny, price-fixing, undermining antitrust efforts, and screwing over investors). There was no follow-up question. Tony quizzed Cheney about the current Army Secretary, Tom White, who had been involved in energy trading (read: up to his eyeballs in the Enrongate brown sauce). Cheney called him a man of integrity. There was (you guessed it) no follow-up question.
Brit then asked Cheney about Colin Powell's recommendation that prisoners at Camp X-Ray be labeled prisoners of war. A smile crossed Cheney's face as he thought to himself, "Thank God THAT bit of spin is behind me", stuck to his "unlawful combatants" guns for the happy campers at Guantanamo -- and pretty much admitted the label was being used to keep Geneva Convention rules from applying! Cheney said the people being held at "Gitmo" were out to kill Americans, may have information to help stop further terrorist attacks and prosecute terrorists, and are "being treated appropriately." Cheney characterized the issue as legal (as opposed to a human rights issue, which it has very much become in the European and Middle Eastern press).
Tony switched to the issue of the war on terrorism -- and reports that Mullah Omar and Osama have slipped into Pakistan (cheap plug: if you haven't taken our "Where's Osama" poll, go to http://www.americanpolitics.com/20020125Poll.html). Cheney thinks the wily bin Laden is still alive, even though he has not made any of his characteristic rambling videotaped pronouncements, and if he were dead there's be signs: more "noise in the system" (slang for intelligence garnered from communications intercepts).
Brit asked about campaign finance reform legislation, which looks poised to pass the House. Cheney said the Bogus POTUS has "set out his standards" by which he would pass or veto a bill -- including undercutting the ability of unions to spend money on political campaigns.
This is a big hint, bare-knuckles politics fans -- Smirk will probably veto this legislation and spin it as a false "paycheck" issue.
Tony asked a confusing question that tied together the State of the Enron...er, Union address, Shrubbie's "economic stimulus" scams and "obstructionist" Tom Daschle. Cheney said that Daschle blocked George W. Twig's phony stimulus package -- and is now trying to back off.
But nothing could be further from the truth. Daschle has maneuvered the supply-side geniuses into painting themselves into a corner. By the time November rolls around, it will be the economy, stupid -- and stupid's GOPers stand to lose the House.
Tony asked how Cheney's health is -- Cheney said it was good. Finally, a joke question: who has the better cave -- bin Laden? Cheney smiled and said he does.
Brit gave Cheney a last shot at bashing Iran (who have been tied to the intercepted arms shipment to Palestinian fighters)...er, make that, "encouraging Iran to change their behavior."
Following the half-time "break" (commercials for brokerage houses and The Simpsons), it was "Panel Time"! Mara Liasson, Bill Kristol and Juan Williams joined Tony and Brit.
And naturally, they AVOIDED Enrongate -- with the exception of passing mention toward the end of the pap.
Tony began by asking Mara about Yassir Arafat, and Mara gave a boring answer about what she thinks President Bunnypants will do next. Brit forecast siding entirely with Israel; "Arafat has just about had it as far as this administration goes." Kristol made light of Iran being a hero a few weeks ago, and now they've been tied to that bound-for-Palestinians arms shipment intercepted by Israel; "Iraq and Iran are 'candidates for regime change' " (this is the code phrase for "let's violently overthrow the bastards" currently favored by neo-Conservatives and the Texas Dauphin's Court). Juan said the big question is what exactly comes next; Israel is still the region's superpower, occupying territory and inflaming Palestinians; Rummy and Cheney think you can simply cut Arafat off, but Powell is pushing negotiation; how can Arafat NOT get the message? Brit said the weapons shipment was a "watershed [and] major development" in the Cheney team's view of Arafat. Mara said if we want to stay involved, we need someone who will fill Arafat's shoes (now that was an interesting concession -- Mara shares the view of many on the right that see Arafat's disempowerment as inevitable). Bill essentially supported ultra-right-wing Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon. Juan said most Palestinians support Arafat, and Bill tried to shoot it down; Mara said the issue is the support Hamas can garner. Brit said there'd be widespread support even among Palestinians for ending terrorism (and for once he's right). Juan said that means labeling Arafat a terrorist and taking him out -- which he feels is a stupid idea. Brit said "his demise would not be the end of the world." Juan drew a line between terrorism -- as in what happened on September 11th -- and terrorism as an element of an ongoing war.
Tony shifted the topic to Camp X-Ray, and dismissed British complaints about prisoner treatment as "high dudgeon." Bill called the debate over labeling prisoners as POWs as "esoteric", adding "this is not a matter of PR", and concluding that the main goal is interrogation. Mara said there's a convincing article that making the prisoners POWs has advantages for the US. Hume whined about photos that showed prisoners bound, gagged, blindered and kneeling, trying to argue this is NOT torture.
All of them ignored the opinion of some experts: the Taliban could be labeled as POWs, members of Al Qaeda as illegal combatants. In many ways, this would give the US a strong advantage in prosecuting the real thugs -- and allay the complaints of human rights critics whose complaints should surprise nobody given the chequered rights record of the US.
After the break, Tony brought up the fake "big story" that has been the number one continuing "news" story on FAUX News Channel and even, alas, CNN: Smirk's upcoming State'a'tha'Yuneyun Address this Tuesday. Both networks are acting as press agents for His Fraudulence, disproportionately hyping what is essentially an infomercial for the narrow and, outside of actions to thwart terrorists out to attack the US, largely unpopular agenda of Smirk's tutors.
Before the "debate" began, though, Tony showed an amateurishly-made but funny cartoon of His Fraudulence giving Tom Daschle the shaft -- literally, as in elevator. Brit said that Shrub has made the war on terror his "big issue...it's his mission" -- but he will have to talk about the economy. Mara pointed out that Bush Daddy had a great war and got fired for ignoring domestic issues; she also took a swipe at Smirk by pointing out that he did not in fact focus America on the war on terror because they already were. Tony brought up tax cuts; Bill smiled, saying issue one is the war, issue two would be homeland security, then the economy, and Doofus may say that the war may get more intense in the next year or two. Tony boosted Bush Baby's (fake) high approval rating (note how they never mention the answer to "Would you vote for him today?" question on these polls -- because Bush does NOT break 50%), then played Daschle saying "I don't want to see [Team Smirk] 'Enron' the United States." Juan said, "It will work," contrasting the Saturday radio addresses, in which Chimp Boy talked war and Daschle said it's time to confront domestic issues. Brit pushed the successful war -- while conceding that the Little Lord Enron-Roy has an uphill battle on economic and other issues.
Bill Kristol had the ONLY panel word on Enrongate, admitting that the entire administration will find it difficult to convincingly distance themselves from the mess.
Tony chose to make his final word a loquacious, conservative answer to the question, "Where will the war on terror go next?" As is typical of Tony's always-well-written and always-strongly-conveyed spin, he touched on duty, patience and virtue. Like him or hate him, Tony remains the most strategically communicative conservative on American television.
-- Dave "Doctor" Gonzo
Meet the Tim
Card Sharks
Andy Card was Tim Russert's first guest. The reason: it's time to steer attention away from Enrongate and "focus" on the economic "stimulus" that Smirk will push in the State of the Division Address.
In fact, Tim made economic issues the primary point of contention, quoting from a Washington Post article that explained why President Alan Greenspan is not bullish on tax cuts without a trigger. Card, of course, made believe Smirk has fiscal discipline, saying that money we don't have should not be spent -- but the nation needs to spend on homeland security and the war on terror (translation: screw the economy, we're gonna push a war just like Smirk's daddy did -- and we're gonna lose the White House in '04).
Card said that the best way to bring in revenue is with a strong economy -- and then lied, laying the blame for the "seeds of the recession" on Bill Clinton (right -- while your trained chimp and Big Time Dick were busy talking down the economy). Card would NOT give specifics on how to bolster the economy (typical of the cluelessness that pervades Team Smirk). Tim pointed to polling numbers revealed in today's New York Times showing that people are focused not on the so-called war but the recession. Card proclaimed "We will WIN the war" (what a laugh -- reminded up of the Johnson and Nixon teams screaming "We can WIN the war in Vietnam!" -- can anyone say "quagmire"?), then blathered about so-called "tax relief" (read: welfare for the wealthy and the Fortune 1000). Tim then returned to polling numbers showing the public predicting that Smirk will make 2002's priority one the war -- setting the stage for a repeat of Bush Daddy's firing. Tim kept whippin' out those poll numbers, stating that more than 80% of Americans thing that the US will be the targets of more attacks. This, naturally, gave Card a four-lane highway to drive that "evildoers are working to attack us again...Tom Ridge...be vigilant" truck down the Russert Turnpike. Card seems certain there will be another attempted attack.
Card suddenly changed tack as Tim mentioned Enron. Tim, notably, went easy on the scandal. You can bet that if this had been President Al Gore's chief of staff, Russert would have "whipped out" Enrongate as if it were the severed head of Big Al hidden in a dripping duffel bag and blamed that chief of staff for the crime. Instead, Tim went into his inimitable "pseudo-attack" mode, asking questions in fake hard-hitting style but failing to follow through or crafting the questions so Card had an escape route. Card said yes, Smirk wants to "address" the issue of 401(k) meltdowns, but during his State of the Regime address he will focus on the economy. Tim asked about phone calls from Ken Lay to Don Evans -- why wasn't Little George informed? Card admitted he was shielding Smirk from Enron, and tried to make it look as if he has sympathy for investors and employees who lost their shirt. Card also mentioned relatives of Smirk that lost money on Enron ( neglecting to mention that these people are millionaires who know how deduct their comparatively piddling losses as a tax deduction). Card looked and sounded uncomfortable discussing Enrongate. Tim wasn't even on the attack, but we enjoyed the spectacle of Card sweating bullets.
Tim said that Senators Trent Lott (R-Extra Starch) and Don Nickles (R-Senator in a Drum) will be forthcoming to the GAO on secret Cheney "energy policy" meetings. Card spun -- claiming that Smirk and Big Time should get "unvarnished counsel" that cannot get out to the public (oh, please -- it's one thing if it's a national security issue; it's another when Enron and Ken Lay HIMSELF have bought access to Smirk and the RNC and worked to corrupt the SEC).
Tim brought up the House discharge petition that will bring Shays-Meehan and the weaker-than-McDonald's-coffee Ney campaign finance bills to a vote. Card gave a mealy-mouthed "House and Senate taking action" answer. Card said Smirk wants to ban soft money from corporations and unions, and pointedly said he also supports wording that hobbles unions. Right-wingers call it "paycheck protection" -- a phony label for empowering corporate donors and intimidating and disempowering unions.
On the topic of Camp X-Ray, Card parroted the "unlawful combatants" spin of the Misadministration.
Thank God -- Tim asked the requisite pointless sports question, meaning the interview was over.
Tim's next guest was House Speaker-to-Be Dick Gephardt. First, Tim played a scorching speech by Gephardt in which he slammed the policies and values of Team Smirk in the area of economic issues. Gephardt said that Smirk has mishandled taxes and wants a bipartisan summit to come up with a way out of the recession and put America back on the road to long term growth, including energy independence and homeland security. Can it be done without repealing tax cuts? Gephardt would not say yes -- saying that it's time to talk. "Is delaying a tax cut a tax increase?" Gephardt essentially said no -- and that the wrong set of tax cuts are in place, yet Smirk is saying "over my dead body" will these ill-conceived tax cuts be changed. Tim pressed Gephardt -- can money be found for social security, education, and all the other programs Gephardt supports without repealing the tax cuts? Gephardt said America needs these programs to go forward, but still would not yield that "yes" that Tim so wanted to hear. Tim tried to turn Gephardt into a "tax-and-spender", pressing him on where the money should come from. Gephardt said it would come from a robust economy.
Tim said Daschle claims the tax cut made the economy worse. Gephardt essentially said Daschle is right -- long-term interest goes up while short-term rates go down; we're in a deficit now; only bipartisan action can work. Tim asked him again if the tax cuts hurt the economy, and Gephardt again said yes -- and cited factors including the attacks of Sept. 11, the war on terror and homeland defense, concluding that the only way to get out of the economic slump is to do what was done on the war on terror -- bipartisan action.
Tim then attempted to characterize Democrats as "divided" on tax cuts, playing off the views of Sens. Ted Kennedy against Zell "Stealth Republican" Miller. Gephardt said that Democrats are OPEN on issues -- but he also missed the chance to label the GOP as doctrinaire, lock-step, rigid, and out of touch with the American tradition of open debate and the American people.
Enron! Tim said that the Securities and Exchange Commission wanted auditing firms out of the audit-and-advise business; Gephardt said he hopes that the mess will yield campaign finance reform. Does Gephardt have the votes for Shays-Meehan? Not yet, but he does think he'll get them. "The forces against this will fight with all their might." Will Smirk sign Shays-Meehan? Gephardt hopes he will -- it took, he said, over a decade to get to this point, and only due to Enrongate.
Tim turned to Rove's having said publicly that the war on terror is good politically for Smirk (and even the pro-conservative cable news outlets have been jumping all over this gaffe -- but only because it so obviously tips the media's bias hand, not the administration's political strategy, and undercuts the TV biz's huge investment in what The Daily Show mockingly refers to as "Operation Enduring Coverage"). Gephardt slammed the politicization of a war; he is proud to support the war against forces that have killed thousands of Americans and both parties stand unified on this war (translation: Smirk had better not claim the issue as "his"). Tim said it appears the GOP has the advantage. Gephardt gave a too-defensive answer -- ignore the polls -- when he should have said that when you look at the position of Dems, they have pushed to empower and pay for defense and intelligence over the last decade when the GOP would not get behind both and in fact looked to divert the focus and the money to endless investigations of Bill Clinton.
Tim asked if Gephardt would rather be Speaker or Prez. Gephardt said his goal is to retake the House.
Then Tim welcomed two of the silliest "journalists" in the Beltway, Don Balz and Bob Woodward. Ol' Bob made his reputation in the Watergate affair -- but few people know that he had long-standing ties to none other than Alexander Haig prior to all the Nixon team's dirty doings of 1972 and '73. The two reporters were on to plug their eight-part piece on the first ten days of Smirk's "War Presidency" -- and judging from the first installment, it looks as if this is a series selectively reported to reshape history, based mostly on the first-hand spin...er, accounts of those involved. While Balz conceded that there was chaos in the first hours, the first piece looks as if it's written to downplay, not emphasize, confusion at the top of President Bunnypants' team of handlers.
The fact is, many people still share the view that Smirk fled the Capitol and spent far too much time out of town and his staff remained invisible as the World Trade Center collapsed Pentagon burned.
Tim also found in his guests a couple reporters who could help push the notion that "this is going to be a long war." After Tim brought up concern over nuclear weapons or a "dirty bomb", Balz quoted Rumsfeld's view that "you can never defend 100% against terrorism" (translation: it's war without end, combat fans!).
But you can bolster that defense by stopping support for authoritarian regimes and rogue states in our own hemisphere. Just don't look for Tim or his usual gang of suspects to seriously analyze or critique our foreign policy as an element in America having become a target for mass murder.
-- Dave "Doctor" Gonzo
McLaughable Group
I ask YOU: has John McLaughlin's cheese slipped off his cracker? CORRECT! He's flip city! Bye-bye!
You've got Tony Blankley, solidly conservative; Mad John, who's got advanced right-wing dementia; Clarence Page, who apparently "saw the light" and is straining so hard to appear "moderate" that there's nothing to distinguish him from conservatives, except that he refrains from inventing and/or repeating bald-faced lies; and poor Eleanor Clift, trying to do the heavy lifting for the left.
Let's see...who should we invite to balance out the panel?
Why, Pat "The Darkies are takin' over!" Buchanan! That balances things out nicely, don't you think?
Mad John likes to jump straight into the lunacy right out of the chute, so he opened with one of his ever more ridiculous setup pieces - in today's case, a clip of "Pin-up" Don Rumsfeld trying out his flip, macho-guy persona by saying that Guantanamo Bay is like a tropical resort, so the prisoners actually have it quite good, much better than they had it in their caves!
I've already heard this pile of crap tossed around by various right wingers. It's outrageous that our top leaders show themselves to be such shallow bullies and attempt to mock this situation. Besides being disgusting, it just serves to confirm the dim view of the U.S. and its reckless leaders that other countries around the world already hold.
This was followed by showing tropical scenery with "Guantanamera" playing in the background. Yessirree, there's nothing quite like keeping people in legal limbo and confined to tiger cages exposed to the elements to tickle people's funny bone, huh? We captured 'em, now we're really going to show 'em!
Show them what? How we can be just as nasty as they are?
If I recall, the two Christian girls that were busted by the "Evil Ones" for trying to convert the Afghans to Jesus were released looking pink and healthy -- as if they had just walked out the door of a teen spirit rally. They didn't report any mistreatment whatsoever and signed book and speaking contracts about two minutes later -- and this was while we were bombing the living hell out of their captors and raining death down on random Afghan men, women, and children.
Something is massively wrong here -- but the country appears to be suffering from collective psychosis.
Ah well, it's been that way for some time now.
Question one: is there a good reason to deny these captives prisoner of war status?
Pat led off in his inimitable style by saying the captives were all "Hannibal Lectors." Apparently, Pat feels they're liable to go berserk and start chewing away on any American they can get their hands on. Someone should tell Pat that prisoners surrounded by heavily armed troops in bullet-proof gear aren't going to inflict too much damage. Evidently, we have to treat people like animals or else they're going to hurt our brave marines. When did everyone go insane?
The chronically hoarse (from being shouted down by the other panel members) Eleanor Clift laid it out in a sane manner. She said that the purpose of being declared prisoners of war is for interrogation, and that they were only obligated to give their name, rank, and serial number (somehow, I don't think the Taliban got around to the rank and serial number stage). But she pointed out how Rumsfeld made a fool of the U.S. by being so flippant in his remarks and flaunting the Geneva Convention.
As many have noted, if any U.S. citizen were captured and held in this way, Rumsfeld and his colleagues would be the people crying the loudest! It would be...why, an outrage, they would say! But the Bully Brigade that Smirk has assembled actually gets off on flaunting their power. But it's making us all look very bad.
Then Mad John launched into Typically juvenile and elitist spew, saying that he thinks the administration is doing this so they can get these prisoners to tell us "where the Al Qeada cells are in the U.S. and around the world." He thinks this is very shrewd. Huh? If anything, we'll get a pile of disinformation and end up more confused than before -- as if any of these poor shmoes even KNOW what's going on. I doubt there's more than a handful of people that have a clue as to the activities and locations of these supposed terrorist cells. They were just enticed to fight by the offer of some food and the promise of rape and plunder. If anyone knows the extent of any terror organization world-wide, they sure ain't in Cuba.
But John thinks this is all a big game. Like playing war. He wants it to be like a novel. He's nuts. And so are all the right-wingers that want it to be that way too, including the Dim Chimp. McLaughlin is so ridiculous that he is truly laughable. I crack up often while watching him and listening to his ludicrous statements and bizarre style. I've come to realize that he's nothing but an old fool, blatantly putting out the Republican party line show after show, year after year, milking it for some GE dough and Beltway status.
As Elvis Costello sang, "I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused."
Tony Blankley, sporting what looks like a shoe brush for a hair-do, and looking for all the world like some overstuffed cigar in a brown pin stripe suit (or like Nicely-Nicely Johnson from Guys and Dolls), started out by quoting Charles "Sour" Krauthammer who said that treating unorganized states' prisoners as if they were members of the United Nations would be a "reward" and give them status they don't deserve.
Fat Tony is known for sporting a new suit almost every week. It's no mystery why. He appears to gain 20 pounds every 7 days, and you can only let out a suit so far. "Hey, I'm a tailor, not a magician!"
Tony thinks that we can't ever let these people free again, because he's convinced they'll go back to their bad habits of trying to slaughter innocent Americans. Let's just set them all up with host families in rural America. Or better yet, have them be "adopted" by some of the elite conservative blow-hards. That should show them the error of their ways. If they were set up with any of these conservative pundits, it's true, they might end up slaughtering them -- but it wouldn't have anything to do with Islamic jihad, and no jury would convict.
Displaying typical childish behavior, Mad John then took a slap at the critics of "Camp X-Ray", as the detention center is known, by pointing out that Richard Reed, the guy with the smoldering shoes, was a British national and that supposedly two more accomplices are in Britain. To John, it's the blame game. And evidently, the fact that there was an incompetent wanna-be terrorist in Britain takes away the right of any Brit to criticize our rogue behavior.
Page doesn't understand why we pay any attention to the outrage in Britain against our policies. He thinks the U.S. is backing up ever so slightly to try to save Tony Blair's hide.
Exit question: Should the "detainees" be given P.O.W. status?
Pat "Hide the white women!" Buchanan: Treat them as P.O.W.s but don't give them that status (Huh? I'm scratching my head on that one. If he wants them to be treated as P.O.W.s, why not just call them that and get it over with? Is it me? Or do these people make little or no sense?).
Eleanor: They should be brought before an appropriate tribunal and if they're found to not warrant P.O.W. status, then they should be treated like spies. But, Eleanor added, "If we're going to be fighting this war on terrorism for the rest of our natural lives, this government is going to have to get some legal machinery in place to handle this." Hear, hear, Eleanor!
Fat Tony: He doesn't think they should be treated as P.O.W.s. Why, you ask? Well, Tony's reasoning is, and I quote, "They shouldn't be treated as prisoners of war because they're not prisoners of war." Well, then! That was simpler than I thought! Thanks, Tony. Showing his tender side, he then added that we should treat them with "a MINIMUM of humanity that we should give to any human." Well, that's a surprise! The right seems in a froth to de-humanize these prisoners and make them out to be nothing but evil animals. I'm surprised Tony allowed that they were actually human! We're making progress.
Mad John goes where no one but absolutely nutcase right wingers dare to tread by asking if they should all be shot "peremptorily" like we did to some captured Nazi saboteurs. Hell, yeah, John, kill 'em all! God Bless America!! That might even give an old geezer like you a "power chubby"!!! Just ask the fraud in the White House. Nothing makes you feel more alive than ordering someone's death. It's downright addicting!
Then we were subjected to the inevitable and painful clip of the ignorant fraud white-knuckling his way through another "speech". This time the handlers had him trying the clever tactic, a favorite of the right, of saying that anyone that opposes me is being "partisan" and guilty of the sin of putting their party ahead of what's best for the nation (message: what's best for the nation equals the Republican agenda).
This ensures that no matter WHAT the Democrats say, they'll seem like villains just for being what they are, (or at least used to be) which is the OPPOSITION PARTY.
So there's Thick as a Brick trying to remember his 3- or 4-word phrases that they'd coached him on, and struggling manfully with them. "There are SOME things that'r more 'mportant than political party. THE NATIONAL SECURITY is more important ---- [insert big mental blank and pregnant pause here] -- than political party." Whew! That was close! The guy is told to repeat a phrase over and over an only change one word. He gets the first one out, and establishes the pattern. Then he's so busy remembering what the first "more important" thing is, that he gets that out, but then CAN'T REMEMBER the tag line! And he'd JUST SAID IT seconds before!
Anyone remember Clinton improvising a speech in front of the Democratic National Convention after someone loaded the wrong speech in the teleprompter?? A Chimp "speech" is more hair-raising than watching a high-wire act -- only in the case of His Simian Eminence, they've rigged the wire 4 inches off the ground, it's 6 inches wide, with handrails, and the genetically damaged twit STILL can't make it.
Of course, when he DOES fall, metaphorically, the press ignores it. They'd report his every step across the wire and leave out the part where he got distracted (wondering how all those clowns fit in that tiny car) and fell. If they did mention it, the blunder would be dismissed by pointing out how great it was that he was even TRYING to walk the wire. If you're Bush, you get points for even trying to speak. And I'm not talking about making sense -- I mean he gets a big attaboy just for actually forming words, even if they're often butchered and mangled beyond recognition. Whatta guy!
This set up John's attempt to bolster the right's portrayal of Tom Daschle as a horrible obstructionist. He warmed up with this: "As to President Bush's dream of bipartisanship, dream on sir!" (Gag!) Then John really let out a howler. He said that the many committees in Congress investigating Enron are only "a distracting SIDE SHOW, as compared to the vital initiatives and public policies that the nation is CRYING FOR!!!"
Think of the eight straight years of the great Clinton Trouser Trout Fishing Expedition. Then read that statement again. I feel safe in assuming that no one need dig through back transcripts of Mad John's show to see if he made a similar dramatic plea for the country to address "vital initiatives and public policies" and stop the distracting sideshows that absolutely consumed the entire press and the country, costing untold tens of millions of dollars, paralyzed this government, and undermined the presidency.
It's this sort of thing that makes me want to toss my TV (or myself) out the window. But if I did that, I'd want to ship it to D.C., get a room on the 15th floor of the Hay Adams Hotel, and make sure McLaughlin was walking past when I dropped it. Nerve doesn't even begin to describe what it takes to make statements like that. And the truly sickening thing is, he doesn't even realize how criminally hypocritical he is. I can't even laugh about that.
He then continued his spew by saying the fast track trade authority measure was side-tracked by Daschle, "notwithstanding the measure's MASSIVE economic and jobs benefit!" Can you believe this tripe?
Then of course, the best thing out of a Democrat's mouth in years -- Daschle saying that Bush is doing to the country what Enron did to their employees and investors -- is held up as absolutely treasonous and horrid.
Here's the REAL "issue one": WHY can't we live in a world where there'd be a comparable show that unashamedly pushed the Democratic political line? Someone out there has to just start their own cable channel. Geez, if they can make money with a channel just about motor sports, cooking or pets, they sure the hell can make money by attracting the millions of people that are SICK to death of the right-wing-dominated television medium. Let CNN, MSNBC, and FAUX race each other into the sewer. Someone needs to create a REAL news channel in the U.S.
John then flashed the vote totals that the Smirking Chimp's tax giveaway got in the House and Senate. It passed by a wide margin, and, he shouted, IT WAS SIGNED BY THE PRESIDENT! Then they showed Daschle, as if to say, THIS is the face of evil! THIS is the man who is screwing everything up and going against what everyone wants.
Better crank up the propaganda machine, we can't have those juicy tax givebacks yanked away from us! Let's make them PAY for even daring to suggest such a thing!! Bwaaaahahahahahaha!
After all, IT WAS SIGNED BY THE PRESIDENT!!!
50 bills, passed by the House, John said, are still "frozen in the Daschle manipulated Senate."
Wonder what McLaughable's opinion of Daschle REALLY is?
Eleanor told it like it is, saying that Smirk will get his fast track trade authority, but he won't get Uncle Dick's beloved "Drill Alaska back to the stone age" measure. She also said that Dim Son won't get the greed-based scheme he calls his economic stimulus package, thanks to his pals at Enron.
As to the looming tax grab, she said that Dems wouldn't commit hara-kiri by trying to stop it, especially when Smirk has the votes and said he would veto it even if it passed. She suggests that the Dems let this ill-conceived and blatantly greedy economy killer "hang like a millstone" around the Callow Twerp's neck. Yo! I'm down wit' dat. Seems like sound logic to me. If the right didn't control 90% of the media, the public would see right through this transparent looting of the Treasury. They rail about any social spending as being a "transfer of wealth". Well, this is about the most blatant redistribution of wealth in history. Only it's going to those that are already well off. Is that America? If it is, it shouldn't be.
The only way to balance the Smirk disaster is if a Dem gets in the White House and just BLATANTLY steers everything 180 degrees and starts dumping BILLIONS of dollars into public housing, public health, public education, workplace safety, EPA enforcement, environmental regulations, and anti-trust actions -- and that's just for starters. It just couldn't BE too liberal, and it still wouldn't undo the damage that this administration has done in just over a year.
But how can that happen once Bush has doled out half the money in the entire country to about 5% of the population? How can that happen when the people that own every media outlet are among those 5%? Well, that's another issue... I know, I know, I'm straying badly today.
Tony's theory is that the Enron scandal is actually very fortunate for the Bushoids. He says it will distract media attention away from their embarrassing position on the budget and their blatantly stupid economic proposals.
John then held up a meaningless poll (like 99% of them) and suggested that the public doesn't tie Enron to the Bush administration. Will Enron turn into a partisan blame game?
Eleanor said Enron was the gift that keeps on giving, as it will lead to campaign finance reform and the end to deregulation.
To this, John felt it was necessary to mention how much Chuck Schumer and Joe Lieberman got from Enron -- as if there was anything even approaching parity in the millions that Enron doled out to politicians.
Next the zany McLaughlin pulled a poll out of his hat that said that the majority of people in the country are now Republican. This he reported with obvious glee. I suggest that the people that have moved to the Republicans are the type that would move back to the Democrats the moment they started hearing anything other than Democrat bashing on their AM radios.
Then McLaughlin took an obligatory poke at black politics. They showed Pickles Bush speaking to a black organization about Dr. Martin Luther King. Thank God they had the sense to let her do it -- and not her incompetent husband.
John pushed the line hard that blacks have it just swell, there's no need for them to squawk. Just look at Colin Powell and Condi Rice. Then to balance that rosy scenario, he threw in another negative stat about out-of-wedlock births among blacks.
He mentioned how the mogul Bloomberg had gotten a fair percentage of the black vote, and been endorsed by a handful of black business leaders. But he cast Rev. Al Sharpton as some evil character that is still complaining and saying things are NOT just peachy for blacks. John and the conservative white guy bloc just don't like this at all. Why don't they (the blacks) just be quiet? John just can't figure this out.
Pitchfork Pat thinks that blacks that have made it represent the "good" blacks, but the rest are a huge problem and just a bunch of whiners.
Another classic good/evil black/white overly simplistic right wing analysis. They are characterized by ignorantly characterizing a problem as caused by "them", whoever they may be. And people lap it up like it was honey. How simple to just resent and demean an entire group or race and blame them for your own failures? It's got a very broad appeal, and the right has played it to perfection.
Then, handed a chance to make a case for campaign finance reform, John glossed over it as if it didn't even exist. He showed a poll showing that over 70% of people believe that politicians change their views according to who gives them money. "What does that tell you, Pat?" asked Mad John. "The Truth!" Buchanan replied. "The truth?" McLaughlin asked incredulously. "Exactly." said Pat.
See, he is refreshing sometimes!
This cast an air of nervousness around the panel, and a quick cutaway shot showed Fat Tony looking sheepishly at the floor like Buchanan had just passed gas. John looked around nervously and then quickly moved to the last topic. That was it. One comment, not the usual go 'round with the entire panel.
Predictions: Buchanan thinks that by the middle of the decade, Japan will be forced to default on it's enormous debt, causing a global economic crisis. Clift says that Smirk will back away from his corporate minimum tax, that would have returned almost a hundred million dollars to Enron, when they didn't pay ANY tax in 4 of the last 5 years. Fat Tony says Gary Condit is "not out of the legal woods yet." Clarence Page thinks India's new nuclear missile tests are meant to impress China, not Pakistan. And lunatic John says that Enron's 881 offshore shell corporations will cause Congress to pass measures to regulate them.
Well, that's a long-winded shot at Mad John's house of pain for today. Thank goodness it's only on once a week.
Believe it or not, you can actually go to the McLaughlin Group web site and rate the panelists. This is good therapy. I highly recommend it. Block cookies and you can vote as often as you want. (Though that might mess up the scientific accuracy of the poll. HA!)
Just go to http://www.mclaughlin.com/about/rategroup.asp
--- Dash Riprock
Dave "Doctor" Gonzo is an award-winning producer and political gadfly. He has hooked up his computer and cable to his stereo and now watches cable news with his proprietary computer-added "laugh track" in his highly fortified high-rise compound on Manhattan's Upper East Side.
Dash Riprock Dash Riprock is a free-lance smart aleck that longs for someone that appreciates him for his mind, not just his body. You can reach him toll-free at dashriprockapj@hotmail.com
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