American Politics Journal -- GOP Chickenhaks!

The GOP Chickenhawks Ride Again!
Scared-Bunny Republicans Run from Corporal Cueball's Crossfire Truth Brigade
by Tamara Baker

April 8, 2002 -- SAINT PAUL, MINNESOTA (APJP) -- We all know that Republicans sure love to dish it out, but they sure hate to take it like the tough-guys and gals they claim to be.

They're not content with having a stacked Supreme Court and 4th Circuit ready and willing to Calista Bisek them at every opportunity.

They're not content with having control of most of the major broadcast and print media in America.

No. They have to show everyone their true, dictatorial, whiny selves by viciously stomping at anything that doesn't uphold their own shiny propaganda.

Otherwise, they whine like Dudley Dursley, Harry Potter's odious spoiled-brat cousin

Trent Lott and Tom DeLay make stupidly Cro-Magnon tag-team attacks on Tom Daschle, calling him every name in the book. Daschle's crime? He made some rather mild criticisms of Usurper Boy's prosecution of what used to be the Hunt for Osama (remember him? the guy who Bush in September promised to chase down and punish?) and has now, as part of Karl Rove's Operation Enduring Poll Numbers, been morphed into Let's Nuke Saddam For Grins.

Of course, it's been going on well before Hot Tub Tom and the Ole Miss Cheerleader got to be such big wheels. Rush Limbaugh is famed for being the first conservative yakker to not only rigorously pre-screen his callers (which all right-wing talk shows do nowadays), but for having his show on a VERY long tape delay (at least two minutes, nowadays, according to radio insiders) -- long enough for him to get rid of any caller who sneaks past the screeners and dares to hit Rush upside the head with some truth.

So, of course, whenever some truth-tellers manage to get past the GOP's censors, the Republicans howl and whine like "Ickle Duddeykins" Dursley when he finds out he only got thirty-seven of the thirty-eight presents his parents promised him on his birthday.

Tough guys: Crossfire's James Carville, Paul
Begala, Tucker Carlson and Bob Novak.
It seems that the poor widdle Dudley Dursleys in the GOP are stamping their feet and whining to GOP-friendly US News & World Report () about how those mean underfed Harry Potter Democrats are picking on them. Get a load:

US News & World Report
DAILY WHISPER
New CNN 'Crossfire' has GOP turning the channel
Maybe it was Paul Begala's opening comments on the first
day of CNN's revamped Crossfire that it was time to "kick
a little right-wing ass" that angered Republicans. Or when
cohost James Carville kept interrupting GOP Chairman Marc
Racicot.

This is rich: Every single agent of the conservative cause, from O'Reilly to Russert, interrupts Democrats at will while letting Republicans speak at length -- and often so long that they deliberately use up the time alloted for the Democrats' rebuttals. But when Corporal Cueball dares use the same tactic and hits Marc Racicot upside the head with a truthstick, suddenly the Fourth Estate says "Horrors! How uncivilized!"

The article continues:

Whatever, Republican leaders are blackballing the show.
"The word is out: Don't go on; you'll get screwed," says
a top Senate aide.

Translation: Carville and Begala know their stuff, are smarter than we are, and they won't let us verbally bludgeon them. Bwaaaaaaahhhhhhh!

Adds a House colleague: "It isn't a total boycott, but
the show's last on our list to do." That's a blow for CNN,
which has struggled to snare GOP guests as it battles with
conservative-friendly Fox News.

A blow? Only if you want to battle for the same Freepertrash audience as FOX, as opposed to attracting people who know what's happening.

The complaints: Combative liberals Begala and Carville,
both Democratic Party operatives, are too good at what
they do, and conservative journalists Robert Novak and
Tucker Carlson, who might see a nuance now and then,
can't keep up.

Translation: Novak and Carlson have gotten so weak and Dudley-flabby from not having to fact-check their spew that they can't fight off a well-aimed blow by a guy who won't be cowed by their shouting.

Awwwww.

Poooooor out-thought, "Ickle Duddeykins", spoon-fed, sheltered-Scaife-workshop baaabbeeeees.

But, of course, just as Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia always run to take Dudley's side on everything, CNN will probably cave in to the not-so-subtle message the RNC is giving it via its weekly print house organ: dump Carville and Begala, or else.

I say "probably", because, dear reader, there's a good chance that, if we respond in true Corporal Cueball "Rapid Response" fashion, Walter Isaacson won't have the chance to bend the knee yet again to the RNC.

You know what to do.

Fire Away!
by Dave "Doctor" Gonzo

Marc Racicot: paper tiger or ur-wimp?
April 8, 2002 -- NEW YORK (APJP) -- The Doc always assumed that Marc Racicot, Idiot-Boy Bush's hand-picked chief bottle-washer over at the GOP, was a paper tiger.

For years, he was Mr. Cloned GOP Governor, making TV appearances with the full expectation of complete compliance from the "liberal" press, looking comfortable as he would be tossed a slew of softball questions by the likes of Tim Russert and Tony Snow whenever he'd appear on the Sunday morning talk circuit and coming back with somewhat stiff, boilerplate, seemingly scripted responses.

But put him in the newly-revamped Crossfireon CNN and give him the very same treatment ultra-right media thugs such as Sean Hannity, Brit Hume and Bill O'Reilly regularly dish out to progressives, Democrats, liberals and -- yes -- even moderates, and whuddyaget?

C'mon...need The Doc tell you?

A whiny crybaby!

Well, Marc Racicot, try this on while Smirk changes your diapers: if you can't take the Crossfire like a real man, maybe you weren't fit for the the political battlefield in the first place. But then, you do battle by the rules of the late Lee Atwater: after you're made to look the fool, get even.

In the wake of his embarrassing performance last week on CNN, Racicot decided to "immobilize" senior Republican in an effort to make Crossfire their last TV priority.

Racicot seems oblivious to the fact that CNN invested a lot of money, time, and thought in retooling Crossfire -- and a lot of cash hyping the greatly improved version. It's become the best shout-fest on American television, and viewers know it. The Doc also loves it.

Even more people will be watchin', Marky Boy, now that US News has revealed your latest "keep the media safe for Republicans" tactic. In fact, it would not surprise me if the US News story becomes the top topic on Crossfire this very night.

So if you think your little "boycott" is going to bring Crossfire to its knees -- well, forget it, pal.

In fact, it's a prime opportunity for James Carville and Paul Begala to turn the tables on you and your (mostly closet Confederate) confederates.

For example, they could steal a page from The Late Show with David Letterman.

You remember that recurring "segment" on the Late Show in which Dave would whip out his "Oprah log" and meticulously update it with the progress -- or lack of same -- in securing a guest shot on the Queen of Daytime Feel-Good Chat's show?

Well, imagine the fun to be had if the Begala-Carville tag team establish:

The Crossfire GOP Chickenhawk Coop Scoreboard!

Here's how it would work:

Each day, every day, the very able bookers at Crossfire would call the press contacts for the top Republicans in Congress, giving a tentative list of issues for the next few days and an invitation to appear.

Naturally, more than a few will "respectfully decline."

That night, Carville and Begala would update the Chicken Coop Scoreboard while reading the most hilariously dishonest or brazenly partisan excuses provided by such luminaries as House Speaker Denny Hastert, Majority Whip Tom DeLay, RNC Co-Chair Ann Wagner, and Senate MINORITY Leader (doesn't that sound sweet) Trent Lott -- while flashing avian caricatures of each pol with the number of days they've chickened out of your invitations (note to Paul and James: our main men MoPaul, Shawn Witt and the Wizard of Whimsy have a proven track record of showing our readers how these "public servants" really look).

But why stop with the GOP? Do the same for the Democrats' press gatekeepers, knowing full well that they're going to capitalize on Racicot's retreat and fight each other for face time to take on "Novakula" and Tucker Carlson -- and ask why their GOP counterparts are missing in action!

And count on this: now that Racicot has been exposed, Crossfire fans will be peppering the GOP misleadership with a flurry of faxes and calls urging them to go head-to-head with the hottest team on cable news.

Fire away! 'Nuff said!

Convenient fax and mailing address information -- ask these pols when they'll next appear on "Crossfire"!

Marc Racicot, RNC Chairman
Ann Wagner, RNC Co-Chair
Jack Oliver, RNC Deputy Chairman
Republican National Committee
310 First Street, SE
Washington, DC 20003
Fax: (202) 863-8820

Senator Trent Lott
487 Russell Senate Office Building
Washington, D.C. 20510
Fax: (202) 224-2262

Senator Pete Domenici
328 Hart Senate Office Building
Washington, DC 20510-3101
Fax: (202) 228-0900

Senator Phil Gramm
370 Russell Senate Office Building
Washington, DC 20510
Fax: (202) 228-2856

Senator Charles Grassley
135 Hart Senate Office Building
Washington, DC 20510
Fax: (202) 224-6020

Senator Orrin Hatch
104 Hart Office Building
Washington, D.C. 20510
Fax: (202) 224-6331

Senator Mitch McConnell
361-A Russell Senate Office Building
Washington, D.C. 20510
Fax: (202) 224-2499

Senator Rick Santorum
120 Russell Senate Office Building
Washington, D.C. 20510
Fax: (202) 228-0604

Senator Richard Shelby
110 Hart Senate Office Building
Washington, DC 20510
Fax: (202) 224-3416

House Speaker Dennis Hastert
2369 Rayburn House Office Building
Washington, D.C. 20515
Fax: (202) 225-0697

Rep. Dick Armey
House Majority Leader
301 Cannon House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515-4326
Fax: (202) 226-8103

Rep. Tom DeLay
House Majority Whip
2370 Rayburn House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
Fax: (202) 225-5241

Rep. Christopher Cox
Chairman, House Republican Policy Committee
2402 Rayburn House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
Fax: (202) 225-917

Rep. J.C. Watts
Chairman, House Republican Conference
1007 Longworth House Office Building
Washington, D.C. 20515
Fax: (202) 225-3512

CNN Contact Information (with a tip of the hat to Mary MacElveen):

CNN
1 CNN Center
POB 105366
Atlanta, GA 30348
Telephone: (404) 827-1500
Fax: (404) 827-1593
Fax: (404) 827-1784

tom.johnson@turner.com
rick.davis@turner.com
gerald.levin@twi.com
community@cnn.com

Eason Jordan, President of newsgathering and international networks for the CNN News Group
E-mail: eason.jordan@turner.com

Walter Isaacson, Chairman & Chief Executive Officer of the CNN News Group
E-mail: Walter.Isaacson@turner.com