But 15 Jamaicans didn't do it!
by David Marsden

Andrea Koppel on CNN's December 3 Moneyline programme
said about Saudi Crown Prince Abdullah's foreign policy
adviser, Adel Al Jubair, "He feels that it was really a
setup by Osama bin Laden to bring a divide between the
U.S. and the Saudi relationship. He said it could have
been Jamaicans. It could have been people from Germany,
from France. But why was it 15 out of 19 of these
hijackers were Saudis? He said it was a deliberate plot
by Osama bin Laden."

Dec. 5, 2002 -- BARUBA (asticles.com) -- Uncannily reminding many onlookers of Frasier Crane's brother, Niles, Saudi Crown Prince Abdullah's foreign policy adviser, Adel Al Jubair (and just who the devil is Crown Prince Abdullah anyway and what's his role in all this?) yesterday threw down his diamond and emerald encrusted gold lamé kestrel hunting gauntlet at the United States and told the press assembled in the diamond and emerald encrusted gold lamé press room at Saudi Arabia's Washington diamond and emerald encrusted gold lamé embassy that the 15 Saudis who launched the savage and unprovoked attack on the World Trade Center and Pentagon on September 11, 2001 were not in the original group hand-picked by Saudi Arabia's second best-known export, Osama bin Laden.

He said, "They were standing-in for a similar number of Jamaicans and Germans although I couldn't exactly tell you just how many Jamaicans and how many Germans there should have been."

Basing his information on confidential Saudi intelligence reports beaten out of a steel drum percussionist in a resident Montego Bay hedonistic hotel reggae group at an all-night unlimited ganja and rum party celebrating the end of another "Playboy does a Montego Bay back to school" shoot, Al Jubair said he and over 86 of Saudi Arabia's 657 Crown Princes are getting pretty upset with this constant American and Zionist inference that Saudi Arabia had anything to do with the September 11, 2001 attack.

"It is blatantly unfair to accuse us with complicity in this terrible deed -- especially after we've spent billions of hard-earned petro dollars on wild Washington parties and cash donations to elect your House and Senate representatives since the so-called 'Gas Crisis' in 1974 we imposed to show you just how dependent you are on the goodwill of our 657 Crown Princes."

When asked if he really meant 'House and Senate representatives' and not 'charitable Saudi causes', he paused, like Niles Crane does so well, and laconically answered, "Perhaps," explaining it is the custom of all Saudi Crown Princes to carry large amounts of cash and be ready at the drop of a veil to give it away to poor struggling fellow-Saudis taking expensive flying-lessons in Florida, and adding that attention should shift away from his Royal Household and towards the Royal Households in Jamaica and Germany.

"Saudi intelligence, beaten out of our secret sources under the threat of lopping-off a hand or foot or both, tells us Jamaica and Germany pose much greater threats to the US than we do, if not only for their unintelligible dub music and automobiles talking in code, so let's quickly get back to our friendly relations and wild Washington embassy parties where we can drink, snort and smoke to our hearts' content and show-off our women's ankles and wrists. "And on the subject of our marathon fund-raising telethons for the families of the 15 Saudis who so gallantly lost their lives on September 11, and if there is any money left over, for the Semtex our brave and selfless Palestinian brothers and sisters wrap around themselves when travelling on Zionist public transport, that's a lie too.

"Why don't you ask Jerry Lewis where his billions went?"

The Jamaican and German ambassadors to the United States were out of reach with each other by phone last night.

(c) 2002 The New Tork Yimes Company