American Politics Journal -- Pundit Pap

Flush twice... it's a long way to Sally Quinn's place...

Pundit Pap
for December 22, 2002
GOP conceals racism, FAUX News attacks woman Senators
by the Pundit Pap Team

Dec. 22, 2002, 3:00PM -- NEW YORK (APJP) -- The holiday season looms large -- members of Congress have for the most part headed for home. Usually, the Sunday political talk shows spend the last couple of weeks of the year marking time with holiday features, frivolous guests and silly topics.

But this year is just a hair different.

Karl Rove and his pals managed to dislodge Sen. Trent Lott (Confederate-MS) from the majority-leadership-to-be position and maneuver the far more compliant Sen. Bill Frist (Kitten Killer-TN) into the leadership position in what is nothing less that an effort to ram through the Junior Bush's so-called "domestic agenda" (supply-side economics, packing the courts with judicial extremists, deploying a destabilizing "missile defense" boondoggle, selling out health and prescription issues to the big pharmaceutical and insurance companies, and undermining the Bill of Rights).

So Lott's departure and Frist's anointment were a topic of discussion, as was Secretary of State Powell's proclamation that Saddam Hussein is in material breach of UN resolutions.

We skipped NBC's overrated Sunday spew, Meet the Press, because the producers and Tim "Catholic League" Russert decided to do a puff show featuring such topical guests as Rudy "Deficit? Not MY problem anymore!" Giuliani, Washington Archbishop Theodore McCarrick, and renowned tobacco addict Laura Bush.

But we decided to check in on the latest spew from fact fantasyland -- Roger Ailes' FAUX News operation, for a little holiday jeer.

FAUX Spin Sunday
Don't panic, fellow conservatives -- all is well! and Junior will get his war on!

Yes, it's been a while since we've checked in with the egregious FAUX News Sunday. To our great disappointment, Tony Snow -- a hard-righter, yes, but far and away the most entertaining wise-ass doing political TV in the US -- was away, which meant that sneering troll Brit Hume would preside, ready to stuff pundit coal in as many stockings as he could.

We knew Brit would be packing at least a little anthracite for Lott -- but we'd also been tipped off by our FOX Watchers that the so-called "news organization" would be attacking Patty Murray for comments she had made about Osama bin Laden using charitable acts to prop up him image and propagate his message -- comments that were being wildly distorted and taken out of context in blast faxes and on hard-right-leaning Internet message boards all weekend.

The Hume-a-dor's first guest was Sen. Mitch McConnell (Big Money is Free Speech-KY). Hume said McConnell was one of the last people to speak to Lott before he announced he was quitting as incoming majority leader, and after some hemming and drawling, McConnell admitted he told Lott that it was time to step aside; he claimed he had no idea as to when Lott made the decision and "[didn't] want to get into" when Lott made the decision (translation: "Fer chrissakes, Brit, why are you making a big thing out of this mess? Ask me about something important -- like stabbing that weasel John McCain in the back for trying to stop out gravy train!"). McConnell must have said that "everyone was calling everyone" half a dozen times (so, Mitch, when did you get your calls from Rove?), and Hume avoided any mention of the reason that Lott was forced to step down, instead pressing McConnell for the irrelevant details of Lott's departure.

Mara Liasson asked -- without bringing up race issues -- if Lott was treated fairly. McConnell yammered on about America's racial history being a "mistake," finishing by calling Lott being a "smart man" (what a hypocrite -- Lott sure as hell wasn't smart enough to know not to wing it about his beloved segregationist candidate in '48 when the cameras were rolling). Mara pressed McConnell on the issue of the GOP now having to prove it is not racist -- then suggested that dumping Lott is some sort of proof!

Are you insane or just stupid, Mara? Lott hardly resigned -- he's still in the Senate, along with such illustrious colleagues as Confederate apologist Jeff Sessions and gay-hating Don "Senator in a Drum" Nickles. And let's not forget Southern Partisan General John Ashcroft -- living proof that Junior doesn't give a good goddamn for the Constitution.

McConnell had to admit that the GOP has a problem with "nonwhite citizens" (talk about an understatement). So how will it affect the GOP's policy toward affirmative action -- and judges? McConnell said there would be no endorsement of quotas (well, so much for the GOP taking a solid stand in favor of real affirmative action), and the GOP will push school choice ( a huge sham and scam, if there ever was one, in that there is no real school choice in the inner cities).

Hume, again steering the conversation away from race, said that McConnell was a prime candidate for Majority Leader. McConnell avoided the issue in the customary disingenuous fashion, saying that as whip, it would be "presumptuous" to run for a higher position, then praised a team that would push George Bunnypants' agenda.

At last, Hume turned to the notion that Lott may the tip of the iceberg in terms of the GOP's little Dixie problem -- using a sound bite from FAUX News's favorite poster child for so-called liberalism gone amok, Sen. Hillary Clinton. McConnell whined that Dems want to keep this alive (well cry me a river, Mitch) -- and the GOP will oppose quotas and has a good record of outreach. Dems, he said, shouldn't try to keep this issue "alive." Hume brought up the Dixie-flag-as-racism-proxy issue in Georgia, but McConnell claimed that Chambliss beat Cleland on the issue of homeland security (right -- by LYING about Clelend's position).

It was clear what Hume was up to. Hillary claimed that two GOP Senate winners ran on the Dixie Flag issue. She was clearly referring to Saxby Chambliss and Lindsey Graham. Hume's latest spin is "she can't prove it."

Take a hint, Hume -- along with your fascist wife and your boss Ailes. Don't push the Democrats on this one. Chambliss, Graham, Sessions, and your so-called news operation will all find themselves wrapped in the flag. Unfortunately, it will be the Stars and Bars.

Mara then gave McConnell a six-lane-wide road to drive "the White House had nothing to do with Lott's departure" down. What a laugh -- everybody who follows politics to any extent knows Rove had a big hand in the de facto ouster of Lott.

Finally, McConnell noted that it's unusual for someone not to resign altogether in this situation -- and Lott is "doing us all a favor" even though he's not in line for a committee chair because he lacks the seniority (translation: were he to leave, the governor of Mississippi would appoint a Democrat, then Chafee or some other Northeast Republican would jump ship!).

Following the break: Colin Powell declares material breach! Hume welcomed Sens. Dick Lugar (Sane Republican-IN) and Joe Biden (Democrat-DE). Lugar agrees with Powell -- there are huge omissions in the report; Biden also agrees, and he feels that now even those disagreeable French may agree. Is war inevitable? (With the French, we thought?) Not necessarily, said Lugar, but it's getting a helluva lot closer, even though the French and Russians are still reluctant. Biden's guess: Powell's declaration is the signal that this is Saddam's last chance to comply with UN resolutions, and he believes Saddam will bungle it. Is there a diplomatic way out? Lugar said that the report doesn't help, and once the US releases its intelligence to the UN, that will ratchet up pressure on Saddam to comply, and Saddam may have to opt for an abrupt departure from Baghdad and Iraq altogether. Lugar said that there will be news of preparation for war all the way up to Jan. 27, and Blix will continue inspecting; he too wouldn't be surprised if Saddam goes into exile.

Hume then did exactly as we had expected, turning to the latest target of Democrat-haters, Sen. Patty Murray (Honest to a fault-WA), who correctly pointed out that Osama has in essence bought support from ignorant and extremist people in impoverished, Muslim-dominated areas by building schools and infrastructure -- and Americans haven't done jack squat.

Well, Hume, even you would have to admit that she's right on that point -- had you examined her full statement in the context it was offered..

Disappointingly, Biden called it a "bad choice of words," wrongly saying that she said we should be like Osama. Lugar grumbled something, and Hume further attacked Murray for not taking back having dared to mention that Osama is using charity to buy support. Lugar grumbled something else.

Hume then asked of Biden forgives Murray for portraying Osama as a charitable benefactor -- and Biden grew a spine, saying that it is factual that Osama used charity bucks to buy jihad, and many in the world do in fact see him as a charitable guy! Biden described the beautiful mosques in northern Iraq -- built by hard-line, anti-Western Saudi Wahabis! Biden concluded by saying America and western democracies have failed to get our message across.

But Biden should have gone further. Under Eisenhower, Kennedy, Johnson and Nixon, our so-called "intelligence" infrastructure failed to take the rise of politically-tainted radical Islam seriously. After the Iranian hostage situation, President Reagan's administration perpetuated this not-so-benign neglect, focusing almost all of America's intelligence resources on a Cold War that we should have known we were winning. Rather than reaching out in a big way to moderate Arab nations and progressive Muslim leaders, Reagan's advisors -- and then Bush Daddy's -- schmoozed and then abandoned the mujahedeen. And the GOP honestly wonders why Al Qaeda hates America so much? And Hume dares take Sen. Murray to task for daring to suggest that Osama is winning the propaganda war? Biden should've been all over Hume.

To our surprise, Hume turned the focus to a real problem nation: North Korea. Lugar said that Smirk has invited the South Korean president-elect to meet him, and North Korea is dismantling the ability for international inspection of their nuclear program. Biden called North Korea a bigger danger than Saddam -- and we have to talk to them now.

Hume then talked about the Venezuela "crisis." Lugar called for an accelerated election day in Venezuela -- but even Hume had to admit that this violates the Venezuelan constitution. Lugar said that Junior and Powell "need help." And Biden said he agrees with Lugar! Hume tried to defend Otto Reich as OAS ambassador -- but both Biden and Lugar said Reich does not have the votes.

Hume, of course, avoided the back story -- Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez is left-leaning, and corporate interests -- particularly the oil business -- loathe Chavez, who has been forcing these businesses to pull their weight (i.e. pay taxes and treat employees fairly). So the oil companies, military figures and right-wing interests that control labor unions and the media (no doubt with help from some factions in our own nation's intelligence and diplomatic arenas) have orchestrated a campaign of protest and economic disruption to create a "crisis."

Following the break, it was right-wing panel time! Hume's first topic: Lott out and race is an actual issue! Mort Kondracke only stated the obvious when he said Rove was behind it and probably behind leaks to the New York Times. Bush wants more than ten percent of the black vote next time -- and getting rid of Lott is, he believes, a move in that direction. (Really, Mort? You don't think Dems are going to use this issue to get blacks to vote in '04? Not even Rove's calculations will lay the GOP's nascent racism to rest.) Mara said that wooing blacks had become secondary to building support among other minorities, and Smirk's photo-ops with black school kids were a message of "inclusion". Fred "The Sleazel" Barnes said the GOP had come out on top on the issue of race (huh? has he actually asked real voters? as usual, Barnes is out of the loop) -- but admitted, perhaps for the first time, that Smirk-o-nomics is a failure. Bill Kristol said that Dems should've been careful about what they wished for -- and then attacked Hillary Clinton for making the confederate flag an issue, claiming that neither Chambliss nor Lindsey Graham mentioned the flag.

Hey, Bill -- are you so sure? Take the advice we gave Hume: be careful what you claim.

Kristol also blasted Hillary for bringing up the suppression of black votes in Maryland -- she must be "held accountable."

For what, Bill? For daring to say that the GOP engages in every imaginable tactic to scare or bamboozle minority citizens into not voting? Now, we know how easy it is to play to the rust-and-bible-belt FOX crowd by claiming that Hillary's a liar, but there IS evidence that GOP idiots were using flyers to scare blacks away from the polls.

Kristol also lied about the GOP being the party that wants to "help" inner city kids with "school choice" -- then obsessed again on Hillary's statement about two Southern Senators "elected on the Confederate flag."

The fact that Kristol went back to this nonsense is a sign of desperation on the part of Kristol and his Neocon Clinton-hater pals. Watch out, Bill -- when Hillary stands and delivers, and asks you why you seem to be an apologist for the flag of treason, sedition and slavery, you'll have to account for your position.

Kondracke said that the GOP has a huge uphill battle with minority voters; Mara punctured the "school choice" mantra by pointing out that it is expensive to implement -- and will fail to "break the back" of teachers' unions. Barnes said blacks support school choice (well, they do -- until they learn that there IS in fact no real choice in that private and charter school openings are often nonexistent -- and once they hear horror stories about charter schools that are ill-equipped or close with no notice).

There was a little back and forth by the panel about Iraq, and the consensus was that proof of a cover-up by Saddam will surface -- until Hume started whining that Blix may declare that Saddam's somehow in compliance. Kristol brought up the most important issue -- Europe must be convinced that Saddam is in breach, and there is likely to be a couple weeks' diplomacy, with the result being an ultimatum to Saddam: leave or be invaded. Barnes mentioned that it will be impossible to find Saddam's WMDs because UN inspectors will warn Saddam's people (oh, please) -- but also theorized about Saddam going into exile, mentioning that Idi Amin is still exiled in Saudi Arabia.

Wow -- Saddam and Idi as neighbors? When you think about it, sounds like a great premise for a forthcoming FOX prime-time wacky situation comedy.

Finally, Hume grumbled about all those whistleblowers honored by TIME, claiming that it's designation of a person of the year is meaningless now (funny, but Hume didn't feel that way when Commander Bunnypants George was named man of the Year). Kristol, while he agreed that the whistleblowers did a good thing, noted that Time avoided naming Bush. Barnes parroted the sentiment -- but Mara said that they also avoided naming Osama bin Laden.

How could you, Mara? You threw a bucket of water on the "screw those liberals at TIME" wankfest. Brit looked none too happy -- so we decided to tune out the last couple of minutes, leaving us with the image of sour, surly Brit's holiday displeasure dancing in our heads.

-- JJ BALZER

JJ Balzer is a former producer of television programming and commercials. He lives in New York City.