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Cro-Magnon Mail!
Letters from readers in their early tool-using stage! PLUS! Reader reaction!

FROM: Robert Chase (bchase@wdso.net)
TO: Jeff Koopersmith
RE: Humiliation and Defeat
DATE: March 11, 2003

I've got an idea. Why don't you take your pacifist crap somewhere else. [sic] Better yet go live somewhere else like…. [sic] Cameroon. You love to pontificate your views but in the mean time [sic] have no other solutions. Also it might serve your man hood [sic] to go join the Pink Coalition or whatever they're called.

Good luck in your Pacifist [sic] life you moron, and I hope you don't have kids who will have to suffer as a result of the decision you make today.

Jeff Koopersmith replies:.

What an intelligent, well-thought-out note.

But you have some facts wrong, although inasmuch as you're from Oceanside, one the many white trash centers of Southern California, I'm not surprised.

Republicans and warmongers without brains prey on minds like yours. They count on you to follow them mindlessly.

And where did you come up with Cameroon? Is that where you're from? That's a first. Your genius is showing again, Bob.

I imagine that you -- with your wisdom as a garbage truck dispatcher -- could offer me some alternatives to a peaceful settlement in Iraq.

I would be willing to read them, and even publish them.

By the way, I'm in favor of leveling Iraq and the surrounding Arab dictatorships. We could use nuclear weapons! Then we can simply take our oil and not risk a single young American's life at the same time.

Aren't you in favor of the very same thing, Bob?

And, Bob, I do have a son who may be sent to fight YOUR war for YOU. What do you think about that?

I understand from Krista Kendall that you don't even have the "apparatus" to create a child, and that you have never served your country.

I did -- while YOU were in college learning to be a huckster.

I also trained in Oceanside, so I know your neighborhood and know the kind of guy you are -- specifically, a pitiful loser.

Let me add one more thing: you didn't even READ the piece you attached and attacked. It had NOTHING to do with pacifism -- and everything to do with an attempt to wake up morons like yourself in the hope you might come to the conclusion that your hero, George W., is just as big an idiot as you seem to be.

Now, you wouldn't want YOU running the country, would you?

Best regards to you and yours,
Jeff Koopersmith

FROM: Robert Chase (bchase@wdso.net)
TO: Jeff Koopersmith
RE: Humiliation and Defeat
DATE: March 13, 2003

Gosh that’s great. Free publicity. What a man! You know the Crow Mag [sic] guy is a remarkable likeliness [sic] of me. How did you know? Hey duffess [sic], if you’re ever out this way why not stop by and I’ll give you a tour of Camp Pendleton.

Jeff Koopersmith replies:.

We all sat laughing at your spelling, It's D-O-O-F-U-S, doofus.

FROM: Jim W.
TO: Jeff Koopersmith
RE: Cro-Mag Mail
DATE: March 13, 2003

I thought I would take a small pause from rolling on the floor and laughing out loud at Robert Chase's excellent impersonation of an average houseplant to write you this note of thanks. What was even funnier was the way in which you carved up his e-mail!

But it may have been a wasted effort because I seriously doubt that a guy like that will ever understand what you were trying to tell him.

I get this vision in my head of Dubya staring into space during his latest "press conference." Heck, it may even be Dubya that wrote you the email.

By the way, I also spent some quality time about 24 years ago tramping around the lovely confines of Camp Pendleton and Twentynine Palms. I knew exactly what you meant when you described the local inhabitants, and could even picture some of them in my mind. For some reason, the original black and white version of "Night of the Living Dead" seems oddly appropriate.

I also want you to know that I am in complete agreement with you that this "war" is totally unnecessary, as is the current illegal occupant of the White House. I have absolutely no illusions as to why Dubya is pushing so hard for this war.

I enjoy your writings, Jeff . Keep up the good work! And we'll keep your son in our prayers for a safe return.