Flush twice... it's a long way to Sally Quinn's place!

Pundit Pap for April 6, 2003
Dispatches From the Media Room

April 6, 2003 -- NEW York (apj.us) -- Politics?

WHAT Politics?

We're at WAR, dammit! So naturally, the national debate over which GOP position is prevailing... er, ahem, the crucial issues of the day was replaced by more news, rumor and speculation about Smirk's War, including some fresh footage from embedded correspondents (many media players are referring to the nonstop stream of footage from the fronts as "war porn")..

The generally gleeful tone of the media, however, was dampened by the news that David Bloom, one of NBC/MSNBC's embedded correspondents covering military action, died of a non-hostility-related pulmonary embolism early this morning. Katie Couric, Matt Lauer and Soledad O'Brien broke the news on this morning's Sunday Today -- but the biggest media market on the planet, New York City, did not get to see the story because the local affiliate insisted on broadcasting their generally inane and useless local yawnfest Today in New York. Shame on them.

No matter how you may feel about Bloom's less-than-fair coverage of that whole Lewinsky thing or the fact that these "embeds" seem to be delivering more propaganda than news, he was delivering some of the most thorough and detailed coverage of military operations in Iraq -- rivaled only by Walt Rogers and Martin Savidge over on CNN. The saddest part of Bloom's death is that he was only 39 years old and leaves a wife and three very young daughters. One can only imagine the horror his family must be going through. Our hearts go out to them today.

This Weak
War is hell -- if you're a political junkie.

Players:
George Stephanopoulos, moderator, rumored to be soon for the ABC News "chopping block"
Gen. Peter Pace, Vice-chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff

Okay, okay, okay. We're "at war." Is that any excuse to cut off political junkies' weekly dose of red-meat staged debate by turning the Washington-based political chat shows into news programs? And will someone PLEASE tell the chuckleheads who run the Washington bureaus that that's why we have CNN, MSNBC, FAUX Jazeera and other cable news channels?

There is no reason -- repeat, NO reason -- that any of the Sunday talk shows should spend more than five minutes interviewing a member of the military. When you see a lot of people with four or five stars on their shoulders showing up on the Sunday morning chat circuit, an awful lot of people get the impression that our armed forces are in bed politically with Junior's "administration."

George Stephanopoulos wasted the full opening segment of This Weak getting the Pentagon's version of the weekend's progress in Smirk's War from Gen. Pace -- who is, we have to admit, a very effective communicator, and, one has to conclude, a favorite of Don Rumsfeld.

Most of the talk centered on what Pace depicted as the impending seizure of Baghdad -- he made it clear that we control all of the surrounding highways. Pace also glossed over an alleged friendly fire incident that happened overnight, and engaged in a little hopeful talk about trying to get Iraqi forces to surrender.

There was also an effort to undermine the argument that Baghdad may be a rerun of Stalingrad during World War II (oddly, this view is also being pursued by the Moonie-owned UPI), and a pitch from Pace for military occupation being the road to instant democracy (yeah, right -- ask the French how they feel about THAT idea).

Note that, as seems to be the case with American corporate media, there was no mention of the ongoing mess in a number of southern Iraqi cities which -- well, we'll be charitable and say that they are not quite under control of the "coalition of the mostly US forces," and attempts to get "humanitarian aid" to Iraqis have not been executed with much aplomb.

There then followed a highly predictable "debate" between Sens. Joe Biden (D-DE) and John Warner (R-Liz Taylor). Biden said he wants UN forces in Iraq -- and blasted the Chimp Administration for both saddling the US with paying for Iraqi rebuilding and just plain looking too much like an occupier (as opposed to the "liberator" spin. Warner invoked patriotism (a typical resort of jingoistic buffoons and empty-headed doctrinaire conservatives) before declaring the UN a failure (in the guise of a "no recriminations against the UN" spin point).

Right, John-Bob -- your Smirking Hero is coached through a diplomatic fustercluck that was designed to bully the world and sabotage diplomacy while the UN was having actual success with their inspections regime. If anyone should be worried about recriminations, it should be Junior.

Warner even brought up "spoils of victory" (i.e. oil!) in an effort to play down that very notion while playing up quick establishment of a transitional (read: compliant, oil-business-friendly) government.

There then followed some non-debate about Tony Blair having called for UN supervision. Warner was certainly working from a list of talking points and buzz-phrases, for example, saying that anti-Saddam Iraqis who stayed in the country has "stuck to their principles." (Does that include those sweet, principled, highly moral Islamist extremists who hate the US even more than Saddam, Johnny-boy -- but will go along with us because it's expeditious at this moment?)

Steph, bless his black little heart, did bring up the issue of what happens to revenues from the Iraq oil fields. Biden seemed to say that the US should keep their hands off the profits (but, well, not completely). Warner seemed to agree, couching his comments in the "courage" of "coalition troops."

Of course, those lucrative contracts to "rebuild" the oil fields were not mentioned -- nor were the wheelbarrows of money which "petroleum services" companies (read: Halliburton) would reap.

As we changed channels, we took note of how little there was in the way of probing questioning concerning the problems Smirk's Feud with Saddam has encountered. Do you get the feeling that American media are complicit in showcasing only the "victories" and sweeping under the rug the overwhelming number of messy scenarios that the foreign press is covering -- slow going in some areas, friendly fire incidents, diplomatic wrangling with our "allies, saber-rattling aimed at Syria, and -- most horribly -- reports of massive civilian casualties?

-- Dave "Doctor" Gonzo

FAUX Jazeera War Sunday
Happy, happy, joy, joy!1 It's WAR time!

Players:
Tony Snow, host
Paul Wolfowitz, ultra-hawk Undersecretary of War

Tony Snow was in an unusually chipper mood this Sunday. Was it the exclusive footage of American armor on a joyride through Baghdad? Was it because the US apparently offed "Chemical Ali?" Was it because his marquee guest was proto-fascist chickenhawk Deputy War Secretary for War, War and More War Paul Wolfowitz?

Maybe it was all of the above. Tony seemed almost too gleeful for words.

Ah, but that's what the smell of burning oil, freshly detonated cordite and phone cams does when you work for FAUX Jazeera State News, the "official" cable news channel of Chimpy McSmirkster and his Band of Illegitimate Thugs.

Tony welcomed Wolfowitz by asking an "obvious" question: Has Saddam's regime fallen? Wolfowitz gave a qualified no -- saying that "we" control the Baghdad airport before slipping into the usual "brutal regime" pap, and adding that Saddam still controls a big chunk of Baghdad.

Tony was contrasting the Unofficial Official Shrub Spin Point that "Saddam is irrelevant" in contrast to the fear Saddam engenders among the Iraqi populace. Wolfowitz said that his "mechanism of terror will collapse" -- but Tony continued to argue that the world has to see him "taken out." Should his toadies be apprehended? Wolfowitz said yes -- and hypothesized that they're headed to Syria (ah-HA! so THAT is the next target for the Department of War -- and they're not even an Official Member of the Axis of Evil!). This gave Wolfowitz a prime opportunity to threaten that country (a "Cooperate or else" warning). And Tony gave Wolfowitz a chance to push his Syria and Iraq "domino theory."

Hoo-boy, politics fans. This is NOT looking good. Make no mistake -- Smirk's confederates are out for a regional war and instability in the Persian Gulf. Wolfowitz is a threat to international security. If there were sane and rational men and women in the executive branch, not only would Wolfowitz be an outsider, but one who would be ostracized for his extremism. But we're dealing with religiously insane and truly evil people. When you combine Wolfie's pap with James Woolsey's "World War 4" speech, this spells big trouble. And, of course, Democrats are dead silent -- except for John Kerry, who is not backing off his call for a "regime change" next election day.

Naturally, there was the usual snide commentary about Saddam's latest TV appearances -- with footage of the rat bastard.

Tony tried to get Wolfowitz to admit that the Smirk Junta will have a hand-picked "provisional government" in Iraq in a matter of days; Wolfowitz, naturally, did the "struggle for freedom" and "hand the government back to the Iraqi people" talking point song-and dance. Tony pressed him: will "you" have an "interim authority" by the end of the week?

Now that betrays a lot -- it's not the Iraqi people's authority, but "yours" (i.e. the Defense Policy Board). Slick move, Tony.

Tony and Wolfowitz then spent a minute bashing, quite rightfully, the Ba'ath Party (Saddam's equivalent of the Nazis), but Wolfowitz, in a supreme demonstration of Smirk historical revisionism, talked about 12 years of horror in Iraq -- which just served to remind us that just over 12 years ago Saddam -- like Noriega, like Somoza -- was "our" buddy, another pal of Bush Daddy and his gang of reactionaries.

Tony then mentioned German Chancellor Helmut Schröder calling for the UN to take THE primary role in running a postwar Iraq. Wolfowitz, whose face turned sour at the very mention of Schröder's name, said that the UN "would play a role" in the rebuilding of Iraq -- in other words, the "Coalition of the Bribed" is in charge and the UN's role will be ancillary at best.

This is yet another diplomatic blunder on the part of Wolfowitz and his Smirk Cadre buddies -- one which will saddle the US with not only the bill for rebuilding Iraq but also embittered relations with our "allies" for years to come.

Tony then brought up John Kerrey's great "regime change" slap at Smirk. Wolfowitz would not rise to the bait -- "We don't do politics in the Defense Department." (Where's the laugh track when you need it?) But Wolfowitz couldn't hide his contempt for Kerrey, a man who dares to label Smirk for what he is: a petty would-be martinet who would never have been allowed access to the highest office in the land if this country had free, fair and untampered-with elections.

We'd had enough, and besides, I had a brunch date with the missus.

-- Dave "Doctor" Gonzo

Meet the Obsessed
Double trouble: Wolfie AND Pace in your face!

Tim Russert opened MTP with news of the death of Bloom.

Tim then welcomed Pace and Wolfowitz. Wolfowitz avoided any mention of dangers when Tim pressed him, and made no specific comments or predictions on chemical weapons. Pace gave a "news update" on the destruction of Iraq's Republican Guard (over on CNN they were saying the two main divisions were wiped out with the remaining four on the run) but said that there are still small militias of regulars on the ground. Wolfowitz boasted that the US can drive anywhere in Baghdad. (Really? Then why weren't they high-fiving Saddam yesterday?) Tim brought up the news that outsiders have come to Saddam's aid, but Pace called their numbers insignificant. Wolfowitz would not say it's over for Saddam, but reiterated his FAUX News Sunday spin: he is on his way out, and it's over for "one of the worst dictatorships of the century." Tim tweaked Wolfowitz over the inability of the coalition to take out Iraqi TV, and asked if the coalition has set up radio and TV; Wolfowitz said yes.

Tim asked Pace about the military mission to protect Iraq's infrastructure, which gave Pace a chance to boast about the overall "precision" of the bombing campaign (now, the US media has done little in the way of reporting on civilian casualties, although it would not surprise us if many are in fact human shields -- Saddam has proven he's not beneath doing that) and to emphasize that water purification and utility plants were not targeted. Why has the coalition not targeted the defense ministry? Wolfowitz said that there are a large number of civilians there (i.e. human shields).

Then Tim did something remarkable -- asked Wolfowitz about the quality of intelligence in Iraq, then -- after Wolfowitz said it's getting better every day -- used a couple of examples of major-league snafus to demolish Wolfowitz's attempt to make it sound as if we're doing brilliantly.

Tim next confronted Wolfowitz over how to handle Saddam -- and the possibility that he will survive and set up his own government. Wolfowitz seemed dismissive of the notion. Tim asked when the regime will be declared over, and Wolfowitz said, "When the fear is over."

Oh, right -- Wolfie can see into the Iraqi people's souls and tell when the fear is over. Come on. Who the hell does he think he's talking to? Has he forgotten that there are a few non-ditto-tangs watching Meet the Press, rolling their eyes at an answer that made him sound as if he was channeling Peggy Noonan?

Pace said that he believes that the Iraqi military knows how badly they are being beaten -- and they should do the honorable thing, stop supporting Saddam, and surrender.

Of course, Pace forgets that most of the holdouts know they're screwed for having been the willing -- and eager -- accomplices of Saddam and have all the honor and integrity of, say, your average conservative Republican.

Tim then asked if Wolfowitz feels that the Iraqis are treating us the way the French did when we liberated the nation during World War II. Wolfowitz said that there are still death squads operating -- and there are Iraqis helping to shut down these crews in other words, he gave a sort of non-answer). Tim said that the soldiers are not encountering a "cakewalk." Wolfowitz hilariously tried to "distance" himself from "that word" -- which is a riot, considering that he was one of the War Weasels pushing the notion of an easy, breezy victory. Obviously, Pace wouldn't be pleading with the last of the Republican Guard to give up had this been a "cakewalk."

And there was talk of General Franks' "plan" -- once again, an attempt to pin the slow progress on the guy who was pleading with Rummy to give him the resources he needed. Tim dared to suggest that Franks had wanted more troops -- and said there were in fact far more during Desert Storm.

Why was Gen. Joe Dowdy relieved if duty? Pace refused to answer, saying it would be "inappropriate" (sounds to us like this question is mighty radioactive).

Tim then asked Wolfowitz about Rummy's hint that other governments are giving "hope and comfort" to Saddam -- and confronted Wolfowitz by saying that the nations were France and Germany! Wolfowitz did NOT look happy -- and retorted that Schroeder is "coming around."

Tim then cited a Knight-Ridder article claiming that two Russian generals advised Saddam on his strategy -- isn't this an international provocation? Pace and Wolfowitz laughed it off.

Following the break -- and a brief interruption in our cable signal -- we rejoined MTP as Tim was skewering Wolfowitz over his ties to the next Iraqi regime, some of whom Tim said are " cooling their heels" in Kuwait. Wolfowitz seemed unfazed -- until Tim pointed out that an Iraqi "democracy" could be controlled by Islamist-leaning Shiites or could do what Turkey recently did and vote against "helping" the US sometime in the future. Wolfowitz, of course, maintained his dismissiveness, saying that Iraq would inspire other Arab nations as a "good example."

Right, Wolf-breath: a "good example" that Islamists can use to recruit anti-American regulars as their less-than-balanced press reports on civilian casualties.

Pace and Wolfowitz both took a lot of time to press the Rove talking point that we "don't come as occupiers but liberators."

Hold it -- didn't you "come" to "disarm" Saddam because he had vast, VAST stores of chemical and biological weapons? Where are they? Huh?

Tim changed tack -- talking about the "chaos" in Afghanistan and the possibility that Iraq would become a terrorist haven. Pace said the south is "well secure." Yeah, right -- so is Afghanistan, supposedly.

And Tim continued to fire away - isn't Wolfowitz concerned that the present quagmire will generate more hatred of America and serve to strengthen Islamist thugs? Wolfowitz made a silly comment about Afghan women removing their burqas and the great progress we have made in Afghanistan.

Tim then turned to ultra-hawk James Woolsey's World War IV comment -- essentially putting Iran, Syria and Islamists in his sites. All Wolfowitz could say is that our message to Muslims is that we support democracy. "Is Woolsey being considered for a position in Iraq?" Wolfowitz lied, saying that Iraqi positions are for Iraqis themselves (yeah, right).

Tim then turned to North Korea -- and their claim that they will keep their nukes to prevent invasion by the US. Wolfowitz said that North Korea can continue down the road to economic disaster or live up to their obligations (i.e. diplomacy, not invasion, for Kim, who has THREATENED the US). In the case of North Korea, possession of WMDs by a country that has helped terrorists is a "danger" (that's about as bellicose as Wolfowitz got toward Kim), but the approach to North Korea is tailored to the specifics of the issue (again, no use of the word "crisis").

Tim then dared to slap down Rummy -- using a Washington Post commentary by Norm Schwarzkopf! Pace said that he's spent a lot of time with Rummy, and he's had the "benefit of input" from field commanders and the Joint Chiefs -- and he has an obligation to give Rummy his best advice (is he listening?).

Will Americans be safer after Saddam is out? Wolfowitz: absolutely -- but not 100%.

Tim ended MTP with a tribute to David Bloom.

-- JJ Balzer

Dave "Doctor" Gonzo is a recording, video and television producer. He lives in a reinforced high-rise apartment compound somewhere in Manhattan.

JJ Balzer is a former television news producer. He lives in New York City.