Tucker Carlson

June 23, 2003 -- NEW YORK (apj.us) -- Metrosexually dapper television pundit Tucker Carlson is about to embark on a wild chase to find footwear made of paté de fois gras -- so as not to disappoint his hundreds of fans and foes to whom he has promised he would "eat his shoes" should Hillary Clinton's "Living History" sell a million copies.

According to Simon & Schuster, the book's publisher, Senator Clinton's tome has already sold upwards of 600,000 copies in only the first ten days since its release.

Boy-wonder Tucker told the Washington Post he will stand by his promise. "I feel a little sick to my stomach just thinking about it," he whined. According to the New York Post, Tucker also said he will "contest the results and demand recounts."

Yet he also promised to eat his tie.

Now he seems to be backing off, saying, "There's only so much humiliation one man can take."

Now, now, Tucker -- why so cranky? Maybe you DO need a little more fiber in your diet!

Hmmmmmm...

I say we hold the Georgewillian clone to both his promises.

Toward that end, please send your oldest and most heavily stained bow ties to:

American Politics Journal Publications
Suite 294
459 Columbus Avenue
New York, NY 10024

We'll see to it that he gets them!

JEFF KOOPERSMITH is a political consultant, opinion research authority, policy analyst, and self-described "renegade lobbyist."