Steve's Parsing Words News of the Day
*An extreme far-centrist foundation!
16 Words
Can So Few Words Be All That Important?
by Steve Young

July 17, 2003 -- LOS ANGELES (apj.us)

"The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa." (16 words)
-- George W. Bush

Come on. What is the big deal? 16 words. What could be said in so few words that could be that remarkable? It's not like we're going to impeach someone for one lousy sentence.

"I did not have sex with that woman, Monica Lewinsky." (10)
-- Bill Clinton

After all, what are a few words when gauging the essence of a man...

"I am not a crook." (5)
-- Richard M. Nixon

...or the truth in all that he speaks.

"I triple guarantee you, there are no American soldiers in Baghdad!" (11)
-- - Baghdad Bob

It's not like the rest of the planet will think any less of us...

"Lies gets halfway around the world before truth has a chance to get its pants on." (16)
-- Winston Churchill

...or that the President will make any other "mistakes" when dealing with the failing economy and tax cuts or telling us who they truly benefit.

"Who lies for you will lie against you." (8)
-- Bosnian Proverb

Look, even if our CIA had a problem with it, it's not a lie since the British say they think it's the truth.

"A half truth is a whole lie." (7 words)
-- Yiddish Proverb

So there's really nothing to revise...

"A man who has committed a mistake and doesn't correct it, is committing another mistake." (15)
-- Confucius

...because it's not like this little bit of questionable information changed any minds.

"The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way." (16)
-- Samuel Butler

And what about the aluminum tubes? They could be used to really bad things.

"Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please." (15)
-- Mark Twain

So what if he didn't say that they could just as well be used for perfectly okay things.

"The information was correct, but the interpretations were not." (9)
-- Baghdad Bob (after Iraq was overthrown)

And we certainly go to war based on just 16 words. What about the 25,000 liters of anthrax, the 38,000 liters of botulinum toxin, the 500 tons of sarin, mustard and VX nerve agent, the 29,984 munitions capable of delivering chemical agents? All of which were "ready on 45 minutes' notice.".

"D'oh!"
-- Homer Simpson

So the President isn’t the most articulate leader we’ve had.

"Tricks and treachery are the practice of fools, that don't have brains enough to be honest." (16)
-- Ben Franklin

That's why he depends on people like George Tenet...

"The buck stops here." (4)
-- Harry Truman

...and has no problem with accepting final responsibility.

"How come I always get blamed for everything I do?" (10)
-- Dennis The Menace

You have to remember, the entire administration says the President was telling the truth...

"Who are you going to believe, me or your lyin' eyes?" (11)
-- Groucho Marx

...and over 50% of Americans still believe he didn't mean to mislead us.

"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen." (13)
-- Homer Simpson

Like I said, he's our president...

"The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected." (12)
-- Will Rodgers

...and this is really no big deal.

"O, what a tangled web we weave,
When first we practice to deceive!" (13)
--Sir Walter Scott

It's not like he was those anti-American Dixie Chicks or someone in Hollywood speaking their mind.

"It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong." (11)
-- Voltaire

Anyway, it was only 16 words. Really, what harm did it do?

"If any question why we died,
Tell them, because our fathers lied." (12)
-- Rudyard Kipling

Steve Young is an award-winning television writer, director/writer of "My Dinner With Ovitz"", and author of "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful" (Tallfellow Press -- check out the web site at http://www.greatfailure.com). He writes a regular column for Jewish World Review".