Buy Your Very Own Governor on eBay!
Recall's On -- Count Me In
by Steve Young

My fellow Americans, I'm Steve I. Young and I'm running for the office of Governor of California.

I'm asking for your support, your vote and most importantly, your contribution on eBay.

While some may look on this as purely a mercenary effort aimed at soliciting bids for some self-serving scam, someone with far more imagination, someone like YOU, won't look at today's "coal" but at the dazzling "diamond" (and metaphor) in the our state's future that I'm will be working for. I'm also attempting to put that diamond in a solid gold Sacramento setting...maybe with some nice matching earrings and these gorgeous shoes you have just got to see. But I digress.

My friends, we have a terrific opportunity to make a great change in this country, in this state, in my housing. And as a fellow American I want to share these great changes with YOU as YOU share your savings with me.

First things first. We're having this midterm election in California due to a bunch of really ticked-off people who want to kick out the present governor, Gray Davis, because Enron and their buddies screwed the state out of beaucoup dollars and the Governor didn't see the scam coming. Pretty unfair if you ask me, but that's his problem. Doesn't matter what the reason is. This is America. What matters is, how much YOU want to be part of this important change? Even more important, how much you're willing to give me to get it done?

I want to represent YOU in the worst way, and I will (thankyouverymuch).

Unfortunately, that's gonna cost a pretty penny.

That's why I'm going on eBay to tell YOU that if YOU are the one who comes up with the most money over the $3,500 that I need pay to get on the ballot, YOU my friend, may just have the governor of the largest state, or next to the largest, or something like that, in YOUR hip pocket.

You want to hear something really cool? With all things being equal there's actually a very good chance I could win. Number one, the governor can't run if he's recalled and so far all the other Democrats have refused to put their names on the ballot. Number two, although I am a registered Democrat who also said that I wouldn't run, I'm going to and I'll get all the Democratic votes. Number three, there's going be so many Republicans and Librarians (or whatever you call ‘em) running that they'll be splitting all the adversarial votes. Since there's way more Democrats than any other religion out here on the Left Coast -- BINGO, Governor Young at your service... and in your pocket.

But I wouldn't want you to make this kind of investment without first letting you know a little bit about me.

I have never run for public office before. I rarely do anything that provides enough income to keep me from diving 100% into the Governor's job, and I've have (technically) never been convicted of a felony. Really, other than the $3,500, what else do you need?

And what about my platform? What will I do when elected? Well, there are many things that I want to do for this state and the best thing is I have yet to figure out what they are. Why? Because I first want to hear the voice of the people (though I can hear some voices better than others...the ones with the richer tones), especially YOURS.

Yes, I want YOU to help me make these pivotal decisions.

And you can, for $3,500 or more.

All right, here's one thing I'll do...

Since I am also an award-winning television comedy writer and film director (www.mydinnerwithovitz.com), I believe that my experience can put California in a new and positive direction. Here's one way: the Governor is a joke, right? The State is a joke. The recall itself is a joke. We're even thinking of putting up a non-English-speaking weightlifter to run for governor. Who better than a comedy writer to sort out all these jokes and put together a solid comedy review that we can put in the Vegas showrooms by December? We can salvage California's depleted budget just from the admissions alone while entertaining hundreds of thousands of Japanese tourists all at the same time. Now tell me Bill Simon or Darrell Issa could come up with that one.

Well, it's on to the campaign trail for me, so I'll leave you to come up with how much you plan to bid to get this campaign off the ground.

I thank you.

God bless California. God Bless America.

And God bless eBay.

Steve I. Young, Candidate for Governor of California
(The "I" stands for "Integrity." I had it changed legally yesterday)