Flush twice... it's a long way to Sally Quinn's place!

Pundit Pap
for August 3, 2003
Some Vacation!
by JJ Balzer

August 3, 2003 -- NEW YORK (apj.us) -- August is generally the slowest and most boring season for political pundit television. Former Texas governor Bush is on vacation at his faux "ranch" in Crawford, where hopefully he won't do that much damage until Labor Day. Congress should be hitting their summer downtime shortly.

Of course, there are still a few things going on: Democrats jockeying for the presidential nod, that Iraq quagmire, a continuing scandal over deceptions about deposed Iraqi strongman Saddam Hussein's weapons of mass destruction, the California recall fiasco, and, late last week, a major flap over cuts to sky marshals and airport security just as authorities were issuing warnings about a reputed plot by Al Qaeda to hijack passenger airliners and turn them into missiles.

So Karl Rove dispatched Tom Ridge to NBC to do some damage control. More on that below.

Meanwhile, John Ashcroft would turn up like a bad penny on FOX and ABC -- where he would be tossing out the spin points calculated to appeal to gay-bashers throughout the nation.

Here's a brief look at a couple of the Sunday shows.

This Week
Qaddafi! Duck!
Players: George Stephanopoulos; Libyan leader Col. Moammar Qaddafi; Injustice Minister John Ashcroft

Steph's first guest was Injustice Minister Ashcroft (or, as we like to call him, Ass-KKKroft), whose main goal was to drum up fear of al Qaeda while assuring Smirk's Christian-Taliban base that they would do the right thing and deprive gays of fundamental rights.

"Jaaaayzus John" reacted strongly to Steph's comment about a tape allegedly made by Al Qaeda underboss Ayman al-Zawahiri threatening the US if any "Muslim" detainees being held at Guantanamo are punished. Ashcroft -- right, for once in his life -- said that 3000 Americans were killed, and if any detainees were involved they should be punished (problem is, if Ass-KKKroft has his way, they'll get the death sentence -- a practical declaration of "Bring 'em on" to Al Qaeda). Sadly, Ashcroft 's follow-up answer was an admission that the Administration was clearly clueless (or at least acting clueless) about threats to the nation prior to September 11, 2001.

Steph reminded Ashcroft that a number of bombing anniversaries are looming, and again -- and again correct, to our surprise -- Ashcroft said that Al Qaeda seems to look for opportunities rather than dates. Steph asked about the news that Al Qaeda looks to be planning another attack using large aircraft as weapons; Ashcroft talked a good game about the fourth 9/11 plane "crashing in Pennsylvania rather than Pennsylvania Avenue" because of the presumed heroics of the passengers before talk turned to the closing of a visa loophole that allowed foreign nationals to transit the US between countries.

And Ashcroft admitted that Al Qaeda has been disrupted -- although he emphasized that they appear to be actively involved in plots to launch new attacks and may attack the US again.

Steph then decided to "go Russert" on Ashcroft, quoting a letter from 46 senators calling for the declassification of those 26 pages in the 9/11 report that reportedly finger Saudi nationals for being closely tied to Al Qaeda. Ashcroft said that the administration says no and should "err on the side of safety" and "protect the national security" (translation: err on the side of cover-up and protect the Bush family's ties to the Saudis). Ashcroft said that the Guantanamo detainees are still useful sources for information on potential threats against the nation.

Steph then turned to the latest non-pressing issue to consolidate hard-righters behind Smirk: gay marriage. Steph first played footage of Junior opposing gay marriage, then mentioned the reprehensible Defense of Marriage Act, then asked the question: why do we need another law? Ashcroft gave the boilerplate, "I'll provide the advice the Pretend-a-dent wants" answer and added that Smirk does not want "marriage... disrespected."

(You just have to laugh. Gays are embracing notions of family and tradition -- values that should appeal to conservatives -- and the Luddite homophobes at 1600 Penn send an implicit message: "We don't want gay people to embrace values, virtue or tradition." Is anyone at the DNC paying attention besides Begala and Carville, who have been having a field day at the expense of conserva-morons on CNN Crossfire over this issue?)

Steph suggested that Massachusetts may legalize gay marriage and a court battle would follow; Ashcroft said it's possible to create a law to stop gay marriage, but his job (cue laugh track) is to enforce the law (yeah, right -- just so long as the law smacks of repression and bias).

Steph then decided to sow a little divisiveness among Team Smirk by playing footage of Big Time Dick Cheney saying that gay relationships are nobody's business, and the issue of marriage should be left to the states, not the federal government. Ashcroft tried to spin it as a "clear and coherent way" of expressing a right to personal choice.

But what about codifying a ban on gay marriage? Ashcroft then admitted his people are drawing up position points for Smirk.

(Yessirree -- this move will be guaranteed to drive almost every gay American of voting age to the polls next November.)

Finally, Steph decided to embarrass Ashcroft over the DOJ's embarrassingly incompetent investigation into those anthrax attacks and the probe's latest dry well -- or in this case, dry pond (DOJ had a pond in which they suspected anthrax processing hardware had been dumped, only to find nothing of the sort). Steph asked if Ashcroft is ready to apologize to Steven Hatfill -- and Ashcroft said he is not ready to comment on an ongoing investigation while trying to deny that his DOJ is involved in a smear campaign (translation: he's guilty until proven innocent in my book, so screw him).

Then -- Steph's exclusive interview with Moammar Qaddafi!

Qaddafi was vague about the release of more information concerning the crash of Flight 107 in Lockerbie, but suggested that the matter would be resolved soon.

Qaddafi also made it clear that he does not like Al Qaeda (he called the criminal movement "a cancer" on the Arab world that is growing and spreading) or Osama bin Laden, who Qaddafi said is now a hero not only on the Arab street but in parts of Africa. Qaddafi also said that Libya has been passing on data about Al Qaeda to the US.

He also made a point that cannot be emphasized enough: the war against terrorism has in fact made Al Qaeda stronger due to Muslim supprot -- many Muslims view the US-led wars in both Afghanistan and Iraq as aggression against the Islamic faith as a whole.

When talk turned to Iraq, Qaddafi believes that if the US continue on its present course in Iraq, it will become America's next Vietnam.

He also derided the roadmap for peace between Israel and the Palestinians, saying it will not succeed -- every attempt for peace since Eisenhower has failed -- and Qaddafi suggested that the only thing that will succeed is a pluralistic state, a sort of "Israe-stine" (or maybe Isrealstein?).

Hoo-boy! Qaddafi claimed that "Jewish" money finances American election campaigns (looks like he's not out to make any Jewish friends in the US).

Finally, and predictably, Qaddafi hopes that there will be better relations -- even friendship -- between the US and Libya

After the interview, Steph observed that Qaddafi was torn between better relations with the US and frustration over US foreign policy in the Middle East.

Meet the Pressed
Tim smacks Ridge-o the Clown around -- but not for fun
Players: Tim "Grand Inquisitor" Russert; Tom Ridge, Secretary of Homeland Debacles

It seemed clear from the moment Meet the Press began that Ridge's goal was to convince viewers that he and his new bureaucracy were succeeding in "keep[ing] America vigilant" -- in other words, that he had succeeded in fomenting just enough paranoia of terrorism to promote the notion that Smirk is a credible leader.

Tim, however, had a different agenda -- blasting Ridge for not sharing with the public or press details of the Department of Homeland security (DHS) warning to government agencies and law enforcement about a potential Al Qaeda attack using hijacked planes that transit the US and other countries.

Ridge tried to spin this as a "new" threat. Now, hold it -- shouldn't DHS and every law enforcement agency, not to mention the Departments of Transportation and State, have been paying attention to this possibility since (not to mention before) September 11, 2001? This is not some new concept, guys!

And yes, Tim pressed that question in a somewhat watered-down version as he also pressed Ridge about not only the ease with which Saudi nationals were able to get visas but also the failure of agencies to get their act together and compile a comprehensive "watch list" -- even berating Ridge because two of his lieutenants had no idea who was in charge of compiling and maintaining such a watch list.

Ridge, who looked as if he had not been expecting the butt-smacking being administered by the rotund pundit, gave an answer that amounted to, "We're getting out act together, acting quickly to make our department accessible and effective" (translation: we do not have our act together and have not the first clue about what is really going on).

And Tim was particularly tough on Ridge over an e-mail to air marshals telling them to stand down because the TSA can't afford to pay their bills at a time when a warning about Al Qaeda had just been issued. Tim also played footage of New Jersey Sen. Frank Lautenberg blasting the competency of Ridge and his department. Ridge said the e-mail had been rescinded and gave a stumbling answer about shifting resources and "canine assets" (translation: we aren't going to the dogs -- we're already there). And Tim again blasted Ridge for the air marshal debacle creating a "very dangerous" situation.

The tone in Russert's voice was telling. Back when he would berate Democrats about Clinton's sex life and "perjury," he'd do it with a cheerful sneer and sound outright gleeful. Today, he sounded flat-out angry at Ridge, as if he were suppressing real rage.

Again, the best Ridge could do was say that his agency is doing his best and rattle off a list of "achievements" (for example, the rather obvious addition of bulletproof, lockable cockpit doors to passenger jets, which no doubt would have happened with or without a DHS) -- which prompted Tim to rattle off a list of his own (layoffs, missed deadlines) before putting Ridge on the spot for not standing up for the funding of his department.

And yes, Ridge want back into the look-at-all-we've-done mode before claiming he was asking for more money.

You've gotta love Ridge -- and for that matter every one of Team Smirk's Sunday morning pitchmen. They sure know how to stay on message -- even after they've been made to sound like driveling dunces.

Tim asked Ridge about threats against ferries. Ridge would not give any specifics, once again talking about "general" targets and a "permanent" condition of alert.

Tim also pointed out a hole in the CAPPS II system that "pre-screens" airline passengers -- what happens in the case of identity theft? Ridge had no coherent answer.

Tim turned to comments by Warren Rudman concerning the pathetic lack of preparedness for an attack using a weapon of mass destruction. Ridge stuck to his story: we're getting better every day. (We're so reassured... not!) Tim said that only half of the firemen in the US have reliable radio systems -- and it was shameful that an administration official claimed that firemen wanted "gold-plated phones". Even Ridge had to admit that the official with the big mouth was out of line.

Tim commented on the newly-released Ayman al-Zawahiri tape claiming "America hasn't seen anything yet." Ridge said it is important that we prepare for attack -- and is grateful that there has not been an attack since Sept. 11, 2001.

All in all, we were left with the impression that we're in more peril than Ridge dares admit. And that may have been Ridge's implicit goal with his "We're getting better every day" meme, as some polls indicate that Jane and Joe Public think the GOP is better at keeping America secure than the Democrats.

Time will tell -- but Ridge's appearance should send a clear message to Democrats: grow a backbone and start blasting the present executive branch squatters' lack of competence on domestic security.