Steve Young

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Donkey Carts of (M)Ass Destruction
Smoking Gun Turns Out to Be Straight Out of Hee-Haw
By Steve Young

Dec. 1, 2003 -- LOS ANGELES (apj.us) -- Dateline Iraq! Donkey carts serving as mobile weapons platforms from which Iraqi insurgents launched rockets that hit the Iraqi Oil Ministry and two hotels.

As President Bush said, "We did not defeat a brutal dictator and liberate 25 million people only to retreat before a band of thugs and assassins."

Little did we know that those thugs would be hiding behind some dumb ass.

Do the Democrats need any more evidence? Saddam's WMD, or DCMD, were right under our nose all the time. And all we had to do was follow the fertilizer.

These biolab burros were digesting carrots and turning out some pretty nasty, dirty bombs.

It should have been obvious. He had to hide the evidence. What better way was there for Saddam to move his treacherous donkey carts across the border than camouflaged as donkey carts? Brilliant.

For months we've have had to hear that there was no imminent threat, but now we know. The threat was real. Nay-sayers like Hans Blix and his inspectors who believed that these donkey carts were disarmed or unhitched some time between 1998 and America's Iraq offensive are now left to ponder how many more of these carts would have been hitched up to not so innocent donkeys if President Bush hadn't made the hard decision to attack. How soon before these two wheel carts would have become full scale wagons; wagons with four wheels and big catapults?

And now the question must be asked: "Are donkey carts that could take flight, reach speeds of hundreds of miles per hour and take down buildings around the corner?"

You just can't make up stuff like that.

While UN Security Council Resolution 1441 was being ignored by Saddam, who can say what kind of nuclear-powered donkey carts were being planned?

Secretary of State Colin Powell was chided for his visit to the United Nations where he offered proof of what the President's detractors said were harmless beasts of burden pulling their so-called benign carts --or should I say "missile launching pads." Powell showed satellite photos of buildings and bunkers that were large enough to conceal untold numbers of donkey carts. He played tapes from Iraqi officers that spoke of cleaning up dirty areas. Have you ever spent any time in a barn? You want to talk biological warfare? Who needs uranium yellow cake? Now we know what was in that vial Powell held up. He told us that something smelled funny and now we know.

It was Saddam's asses... and their carts

Thank God for President Bush. Better we fight the donkey carts over there so that one day we won't have to worry about donkey carts in America! No more fooling around.

If the thugs and assassins don't stop using the Iraqi donkeys and carts right now, we stop playing games.

I say we deploy the Clydesdales.

Steve Young is an award-winning television writer, director/writer of "My Dinner With Ovitz"", and author of "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful" (Tallfellow Press -- check out the web site at http://www.greatfailure.com). He writes a regular column for Jewish World Review" and is a film correspondent for BBC radio.