|Letter to Sponge-Dob|
Editor, The Crisis Papers
Jan. 25, 2005 (Jackson Thoreau via apj.us)
Dear Dr. James C. Dobson and the friendly family folks at the American Family Association,
I read with GREAT interest about your anti-homosexual campaign against SpongeBob Squarepants. I always thought there was something FISHY about that sponge and starfish actually HOLDING HANDS!
And SpongeBob watches the imaginary television show, "The Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy." That's a sign of gaydom, if there ever was one!
While you're on this campaign, I recommend that you look into Batman and Robin. They are grown men living together. That's VERY suspicious!
Also, review The Three Stooges. Moe, Larry and Curly even sometimes sleep together in the VERY same bed! And BOY, do they make the noise! They pretend to be snoring, but WE know better, dont we?
Then, look into those Teletubbies -- oh, wait, I think you already deemed at least one of THEM to be gay!
And what about Wally and the Beav sharing a room? Sure, they're young, but that's where homosexuality starts, right?
In conclusion, I'm glad you have so much TIME, what with all the other pressing PROBLEMS in our lives, to work to keep our kids from seeing these anti-family cartoons.
I know I sleep better knowing you lose sleep thinking about perverted acts like sponge-on-starfish sex!
Sincerely yours for families against perverted cartoons,
You can read more about the SpongeBob "scandal" here.
You can write your own letter to Dr. James "Sponge-Dob Stickypants" Dobson here.
Copyright © 2005, Jackson Thoreau. Reprinted with permission.