A Nation at War
Steve Young

Leave Jeff Gannon Alone!
He Gives Ne'erdowells Hope
by Steve Young

February 21, 2005 -- HOLLYWOOD (apj.us) -- I am so sick and tired of the battering of Jeff Gannon, or whatever his name is.

The people on the left who just can't get over losing the last... well, the last everything, have jumped on this poor guy like a starving liberal lioness who spots an inexperienced, so-called journalist with a sordid background who gets White House access where he gets called on by President Bush in secured press conferences antelope that's been separated from the herd.

They say "AKA Gannon" has no journalistic credentials and worked for nothing more than a front for a political activism Web site run by Republican Party activists who also lack any journalistic experience.

Gee-elite-media-whillikers. You might as well say that infotainers like Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity, who have no real news experience or academic background to dissect complicated issues accurately, can't tell millions of fans the import of news and issues and how they should think about them! Tens of millions of believers will tell you that to silence those who tell them what to think would not only be immeasurably thoughtless, but it would leave them... thoughtless.

What is being drowned out in this screaming for Gannon's head -- and pen -- and escort Web sites -- is something special he has given all of us incompetent ne'erdowells, something we may have never known if not for Jeff's nerve in breaking up the old-skilled, news-professional boys' club. He has given rise to a realm of possibilities where only hopelessness lived. No longer will inexperience or egregious bias keep us from becoming an important cog in the dissemination of government issued information.

And we're not talking taking the easy way: just because you don't work your way to the top doesn't mean, Web site or not, you don't have to kiss a lot of ass. Or do they have to kiss yours? I guess it depends on how much per hour.

Instead of demeaning Gannon, we should be applauding his true patriotic spirit.

Is he any different from Abraham Lincoln, freeing up the Armstrong Williamses of the world to once again tell the story that needs to be told as they were being paid to tell it?

Is Gannon so unlike those who fought for gay rights that hot July evening at the Stonewall Riots, bringing gay military escorts out of the closet and into the White House?

Is Gannon's gutsy firing of softball questions at the President, filled with fallacious information and blatant partisanship, any less a feat than Brett Favre allowing Michael Strahan to tackle him to break the NFL record for sacks?

And as long as we're asking, isn't asking the White House for answers to how and why Gannon was able to get through their arduous security scrutiny little more than another attempt to reveal classified information? Revealing it in the same insidious fashion that the anti-American liberal media attempts in attaining answers to hang Robert Novak just for outing a former undercover federal agent which endangered untold lives around the world?

Just like today's National Basketball Association multimillionaire teenagers will never forget the contributions of Mikan, Yardley and Jumping Johnny Green, Gannon's sacrifice will remain immeasurable for those credibility-bereft who will come long after.

While Gannon has been summarily dismissed from the White House corps, there are still so many questions left unasked. Who in the liberal-anti-gay military escort media will step up to fill the void and be bold enough to grill President Bush with the questions everyone else is afraid to ask? And when will we realize instead of shaming Gannon for his efforts we should be thanking him for unlocking the closet door of the unqualified?

So people, let's not be so quick to criticize. Let us not ask "How the hell did an inexperienced, so-called journalist with a sordid background get White House access and called-on by President Bush in secured press conferences?"

Instead let's ask, "Why can't we?"


"In the early 1940's, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and turncoat Jim Jeffries murdered six million Jews and untold numbers of homosexuals. How do work with these obviously insane assassins to pass laws that will only help the American people? And could you also address why misguided Jews, Negroes and Gays blindly support the Democratic party."

"Senator Ted Kennedy said the 3,000 innocents who died on September 11 were little Eichmanns, and probably were all having secret affairs that would make their spouses crap their pants if they knew about them. With this Hate America First crowd, how can you ever successfully deliver democracy and freedom to those being tortured by tyrants around the world who are supported by liberal college professors in an academic community that teaches the blessings of Marxism and Christ-killing?"

"People say you said the reason you went in to Iraq was because of the WMD, Iraq's dangerous ties to Al Qaeda, and impending nuclear attacks from Iraq, obviously applaud the rape rooms of Saddam, when we all know you went in to bring freedom to the forsaken Iraqi people. Comment?"

"There are rumblings that Hillary Clinton may run for President in 2008. Will your administration bring out the fact that she slept with the entire membership of every Harvard fraternity AND sorority? And is there room in the budget to resurrect the Whitewater scandal to find out why she killed Vince Foster? I mean, if she did. Could you also comment on the size of her calves?"

"Your administration is the greatest thing that's ever been placed on God's green earth. Could you expand on that?"

"Liberals believe that murdering innocent unborn children is cool. Does that have anything to do with the good your Social Security reform will do?"

"If I just saw Wolf Blitzer take an extra croissant from the press breakfast buffet, but don't want to say so on camera, who do I report that to?"

"Why does Helen Thomas even bother to show up?"

"Democrats hate religion and urinate on God. Do you have any idea why?"

"Jon Stewart continues to trash Robert Novak for just adhering to his God-given, constitutional right to keep his sources private. Can you or Attorney General Gonzales figure out some way to shut down Comedy Central under the Patriot Act?"

"Where can I get one of those Mission Accomplished Bomber Jackets?"

"Democrats hate that minorities like Colin Powell, Alberto Gonzales and Condi Rice have gained influential posts under your administration. That's not a question but if you can make one out of it I think it would make for a freakin' dynamite opportunity to slam Jesse Jackson good."

"Could you tell us again how much you won the last election by? And which 'war hero' who gave hope to the North Vietnamese to carry on the war way longer and endangers the lives of POWs lost?"

"What the hell is it with Hollywood not nominating 'The Passion of the Christ' for a Best Picture Oscar? Are Michael Moore and Tim Robbins so out of touch with mainstream America that they believe that a film like 'Million Dollar Baby' that glorifies euthanasia are what our children need to see? And speaking of the good of our children, why do Democrats want to teach our children that premarital sex is best tried prior to entering middle school?"

"Gosh, you look really ripped today. What time do you get off? And I have a follow up."

"How do you know if you don't try it?"

Steve Young is the political editor of National Lampoon and wonders why he is not allowed into one of those presidential press conferences (www.greatfailure.com).

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