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The Sixteen Tons Plan
By Marc Perkel

Feb. 22, 2005 – SAN FRANCISCO -- It's called "privatizing Social Security" — but that's not what it really is. It’s a plan one side effect of which will be George W. Bush's government takeover of the stock market.

Think about it.

With two TRILLION dollars of buying and selling power, the federal government — or the private parties who are doing the government's investing — becomes, by a factor of 100, the biggest single investor in the world.

I doubt that anyone will ever make a stock decision without wondering what move the government is going to make.

Here’s a troubling question — who is going to enforce laws and ethical standards against the government? The government? The possibilities for insider trading are endless. Think: how do you feel about the idea that the single biggest owner of "free enterprise" is the government itself? Isn't that an oxymoron?

The market goes up over time, but that doesn't guarantee that all investors make money. There are winners and there are losers. There is nothing out there that will ensure that the government doesn't lose it all. The market is a gamble — and if you don't understand that, you don't understand the market.

Bush proposes that we borrow two trillion dollars to gamble on a market that will be completely transformed by this new superinvestor — and we are going to have to borrow that money from Saudi oil barons, some of who are members of the family of and/or in sympathy with Osama bin Laden. Much of the rest will have to be borrowed from the Communist Chinese.

This merger-through-the-market of the government and private industry is like an elephant merging with a fly. The government is going to own, or at least control, the purchasing of huge amounts of private sector stock, and become significant owners of many large “free enterprise” organizations. Will the government end up picking members of the board of directors — or influence who is picked, perhaps even innocently? After all, companies are going to want to attract Uncle Sam as an investor and structure their organization in a way that the government “likes.” It make me wonder how these corporations will change once Uncle Sam becomes the company's biggest share holder.

As for insider trading, what will that be like? If, say, the FDA decides not to approve a new drug, will the FDA tip off the Social Security Fund? Or will they keep the decision secret and let the government lose billions of dollars of our retirement money?

The stock market creates competition; as I said before, some people win and some people lose. In the case of Bush's Social Security "plan," the government pits itself against all other private investors, and someone is going to win and someone is going to lose. Guess who has the advantage?

Moreover, let's suppose the government does well in the market and makes a big profit on our Social Security money. Wouldn't that be wonderful? Not necessarily. It might mean that private investors lost a lot of money, and the same seniors who benefit from Social Security would lose their private investment to make up for it. Government wins, private industry loses. That hardly sound like free enterprise to me.

But what if the government loses? In that case, private investors get rich at the expense of the taxpayers. If the government blows its wad on the market, they still have to pay back the terrorist financiers and Communists who loaned them the money in the first place! They will probably have to borrow the money from the investors who screwed them out of it.

To me, the very definition of "free enterprise" means free from government influence. After all, what else does the word "free" mean? If the government is your owner, you are not free. You are in fact a slave — and the government serves as owner, employer, and pickpocket all at once. They have your credit card and are running up the bill. As things now stand, we have a $36,000 birth tax in this country. That's your share of the debt from the moment you are born. Thanks, Bush!

What I can't understand is this: where the hell are all the conservatives? Doesn't this debt make their skin crawl even more than yours? The government is everywhere, expanding, and taking over. They are already in your churches — and now they want to own the company for whom you work! Why the hell aren't you freaking out?

It's a never ending cycle and it reminds me of the song "Sixteen Tons" by Tennessee Ernie Ford that ends with the words

"Saint Peter don't you call me
'cause I can't go:
I owe my soul
to the company store."

I'm Marc Perkel — And I approved this message!

Marc Perkel is the owner of Computer Tyme Hosting and the founder of the Church of Reality. Perkel is also a front-line innovator in Spam control. The editors urge you to check out his offer of a virtually Spam-free MarxMail.net e-mail address for $30 a YEAR (that's no misprint).