Flush twice... it's a long way to Sally Quinn's place!

Pundit Pap for Sunday, February 27, 2005
Bad Trips
by the Pundit Pap Team
Jodi Schmidt | Jane Grice | JJ Balzer

Feb 27, 2005 (apj.us) -- It was a case of two bad trips for the GOP this week.

First and foremost was the goofy First Simian's European junket, replete with the brown-nosing of "Cowboy" Jacques Chirac and "Soulmate" Vladimir Putin. The former Texas governor's disingenuous wheening and cloying buddy-buddy prattle merely served to underscore how bad relations remain between the US and Europe's most powerful states—particularly Russia, a fact which should trouble political junkies of all stripes.

Second was the bad karma over so-called Social Security "reform" which met members of Congress touring their home turf during the current recess. Republicans in particular got an unwelcome earful from their constituents. GOP legislators now know that they're going to have to take the fall for Monkey Boy's grand, ambitious campaign to gut the perenially popular program if anything emerges that even remotely approaching a privatized scam, one that will line the pockets of Wall Street's stringpullers while leaving pensioners with less money to assuire they get through their golden years without slipping into poverty.

We were especially delighted that the leader of the cabal to dismantle the greatest social program in the world's history, Virginia Senator Rick Santorum (who represents Pennsylvania), pretty much had to admit that the grander scheme is deader than Dick Nixon. (More on that later.)

Here's a quick tour through the Sunday morning sewage system of opinion TV...

ABC This Weak
starring George Stephanopoulos
with California governor Arnold Gröpenführer, Who Wants to Be a Right-wing Quarter Millionaire winner George Will, has-been schoolmarm-moralist Cokie Roberts and media liberal Donna Brazile

The big Sunday morning surprise was Steph's interview with Governor Arnie, an appearance that leave some of his more right-wing Republican colleagues with a bad case of spontaneously exploding head disorder.

After quickly dealing with a question about his relatively low poll numbers, and a somewhat spurious claim that his victory in the recall election was some sort of mandate, Arnie tried to put the blame for the California's woes on state legislators "not performing" as he pitched ballot initiatives as a panacea for all of the state's ills. (Including those caused by previous ballot initiatives, Arnie?) Arnie also plugged his new campaign to redistrict California as some sort of wonderful nonpartisan idea that would help both parties, but he did very little to support that position with facts.

Arnie then tried to make himself look "presidential" by plugging his plan for California pension reform, comparing it to the Chimp's attempts to reform Social Security. (Of course, that's nonsense: state pensions are a retirement plan largely financed bu private investments of a wide variety; SSN is an insurance plan financed by the payroll tax.) Arnie avoided answering Steph question about whether or not he supports cuts in Social Security benefits at the federal level (knowing a radioactive topic when he sees it). "I understand that this is a federal issue and they have to take care of that." (Translation: "It's your problem to botch, Monkey Boy!") And Arnie let fly an unusually refreshing, candid final comment: "I'm staying out of it!" Arnie turned the topic back to the pension system situation California, which he characterizes as a "disaster." Steph did make some confusing mention of private investments in real estate (and remember this: pension funds are invested in far more financial instruments that stocks, bonds, and other tangible securities. Social Security is not). The exact nature of these differences—and the problems facing California's pension system—were never explained, and given the manner in which Arnie attracts political newbies, he missed a golden opportunity to explain the issue and spin it his way.

Then Arnie let fly the first comment that should leave many Republicans apoplectic: his statement of support for a "guest workers" program. The issue goes beyond Arnie being no xenophobe: "guest workers," largely Mexicans and Latinos seeking seasonal agricultural work, keep the California's agricultural products "competitive," and you can be sure that Arnie does not want to alienate the state's growing Latino population by falling in line with Ol' Dixiepublicans. Yes, Arnie said that issues surrounding immigration have to be resolved.

On the topic of a possible Supreme Court pick by the Chimp, Arnie once again refused to "get involved." (Translation: I'm not getting in bed with supporters of judicial extremism, particularly on the tee-vee!) He then threw up political cover for himself and the Dear Simian Leader by accusing Steph of trying to pit "the governor against the president" and added that he is more focused on "fixing California."

Arnie said that his ideology is neither right nor left—he is fiscally conservative but his views on social issues are mixed. (Despite his "governor against president" complaints, he was doing a better job than Steph of distancing himself from the White House.) On gay issues, including gay marriage, Arnie said that it is crucial to "listen to the people."

(But which people? Gay couples? Superstitious Bible-thumpers? Arnie was about to provide a big clue.)

Steph asked if the conservative Christian right has too great a hold on the Republican Party and primary process. Arnie first said no, and that he will make up his mind later this year on whether or not he will run for a second term. His focus, he again said, was on "turning this state around."

Arnie then said something that will certainly rile moralists, Catholics, and anti-choice zealots: he said he has lost no sleep about the issue of reproductive rights and religion in politics. Arnie added that decisions on these sort of issues should not be based on religious beliefs but on representative government. He said he will not make decisions "based on what I've learned through my Bible studies, what have I learned in my religious classes in school." He concluded by saying he is a strong believer in separation of church and state, "and that's what the law is."

We nearly dozed off as Arnie talked about the life lessons he learned from being an athlete and bodybuilder. There was, naturally, a little bit of discussion on steroids in the bodybuilding world. Arnie changed directions, bringing up the issue of natural food supplements; he opposes government regulation of such supplements. He also clarified his position on bills regulating food in schools; he said he would approve a bill banning junk food in schools. But Steph asked the question meant to revive an old, old scandal: does arnie have any regrets about using steroids? "No."

Steph said that a constitutional amendment that would allow all emigrants to run for president "isn't gonna happen. " Arnie admitted that "the people of America have to get comfortable with" the idea of a foreign-born person running for the presidency. (Translation: Yep, Steph, t isn't gonna happen.)

We'll say this for Arnie: he is very effective in communication the message that he is his own man (0whether or not that actually is the case), and he does it by positioning himself on issues in a manner that will leave both Democrats and Republicans pretty miffed. We think he has a pretty good shot at reelection provided the economy doesn't tank.

Following the break—the most disgusting "roundtable" on Sunday morning television. George Will, one of the most dishonest pundits in America and most recently the recipient of a $250,000 "Journalism Award" from the neo-fascist Bradley Foundation, blustered about something or other being "not representative government" (i.e., not representing the interests of his rich patrons at the Bradley Foundation). Cokie Roberts, who easily ties Will for the title of one of the most dishonest pundits in America, complained that giving people more voting rights will lead to more contested elections (which, when you think of it, is kind of stupid: more voters means more votes, which in turn means numerically wider margins of victory). Donna Brazile, who is enjoying a successful career as a television liberal, said Schwarzenegger is making a lot of enemies among teachers and nurses, two categories of people who are well-liked. She added a sarcastic swipe at the extroverted action figure: "His shyness is diminishing." Will then blustered about the Democrats' "agenda" opposing everything Arnie stands for. Cokie, in her requisite uptight schoolmarm manner, chided Democrats and warned them not to get in the Gröpenführer's way when it comes to "constitutional reform" in California.

Yes, this is what passes for "Honest debate" of the issues on Sunday morning television. Maybe it's time that someone warn Taliban Catholic Cokie, a woman who refuses to come to grips with separation of church and state (not to mention our nation's secular roots), not to get in the nation's way about separation of church and state when it comes to reproductive rights.

Steph and Cokie temporarily turned This Week into The Catholic Hour (shades of Tim Russert!) by yammering about the ailing Pope. Naturally, George Will and Donna Brazile chimed in.

Yawn.

There was a boring go-'round about the Chimp's fabulous trip to Europe, with predictable palaver which we won't bother to dissect here. There was also a little talk about Social Security; clearly, both Cokie Roberts and George Will are none too happy that the Democrats have seized control of the issue. Well, boo-hoo-hoo. George Will saw a glimmer of "hope" in the possibility that younger voters could be bamboozled into hating Social Security.

We see a glimmer of hope in the possibility that someone might want to investigate why exactly a right-wing propaganda mill has granted the smug, bow-tied little man a quarter of a million bucks.

-- JJ Balzer

FOX News Sunday
starring Chris Wallace
with Arizona senator John McCain

Over on FOX News Sunday, Chris Wallace spent the opening couple minutes of the show jacking up paranoia about that Iran-Russia nuclear fuel deal. And, of course, there was plenty of hand-wringing about the Pope's health at the top of the broadcast.

Wallace's guest for the first half of the show was Senator John McCain, who has just returned from Europe and Iraq. Wallace was practically drooling in his eagerness to ask McCain about the nuclear fuel deal; McCain said that "Iran is not a nation in need of energy sources" in that they're sitting on "a sea of oil." (Translation: this is one justification for the coming attack against and/or invasion of Iran scheduled for this June.) McCain said that Iran is in violation of some treaty and that the Vladimir Putin tried to interfere with elections in Ukraine. (Translation: they're enemies! Enemies! Time for a new Cold War against both those sneaky Moozelims and that ex-KGB Commie!) McCain said that the U.S. and its European friends "must come to a common approach" to Russian involving carrots and sticks. McCain tied all of his paranoid themes neatly together: "I'm very worried about the Russian behavior and we should be worried about this latest deal between Russia and Iran because Iran does not need nuclear power." Wallace shifted back to the topic on Iran, bringing up the possibility that they may have a nuclear weapons program. McCain pointed out that "they don't have a strong military." (FOX News math: Weak military + Nuclear program = Atom bomb! Now see how easy that was, kids?) Should the Europeans engage in negotiations with Iran? McCain went back to the carrot and stick analogies, giving a pessimistic answer.

Wallace and McCain then decided to "analyze" Chimpy McFlightsuit's comments about Putin being a "champion" of democracy. McCain said that the president was pretty straightforward, but there are obviously "many areas of mutual concern." McCain suggested that viewers not try to "second-guess the president." (Huh? The Chimp says Putin's a democracy goog guy and you complain quite justifiably about Putin interfering in Ukraine elections? A little "nuanced" today, JJ?) McCain did say that Putin has made moves that seem authoritarian. Does McCain think that Putin should be disinvited from the G-8 conference? Absolutely, said McCain. Should the Chimp cancel his trip to Russia to celebrate the 50th anniversary of victory over the Nazis? McCain said that the president will make the trip, and will severely criticize the Russia-Iran deal. McCain emphatically used the phrase "on the road to developing weapons of mass destruction" in reference to Iran.

McCain is also clearly on board when it comes to the issue of the Iraq war being some sort of catalyst to spreading democracy. He mentioned Mubarak's decision to open up certain elections in Egypt to multiple parties, claiming that it was all because of the glorious conquest of Iraq.

McCain then smeared Democrats as demagogues on the issue of Social Security. Wallace, however, acknowledged that Republicans, who are in their districts for recess, are getting an earful from their constituents who object to Bush's plan to piratize Social security. McCain responded by saying that both Sweden and Chile have "personal savings accounts. " (Note that McCain doesn't use the word "private." Also note that McCain wouldn't dare tell you that Chile's privatized Social Security system is a disgraceful failure.)

Wallace then brought up the possibility that the so-called "nuclear option" may be used by Republicans to abolish filibusters if Democrats object to Bush's next judicial extremist nominee. McCain does not like the idea of Frist exercising the "nuclear option" because it would "shut down the Senate. " McCain added that presidents (read: the Chimp) should be able to get their nominees (read: judicial extremists) through Congress. (It sounded as if McCain was saying the Senate should be a rubber stamp.)

When talk turned to a possible presidential nominee in 2008, McCain sardonically brought up the name of Jeb Bush. Naturally, McCain isn't going to say he's planning a run.

Nor will he admit that he could beat the smarmy, crooked little Governor of Florida like a redheaded stepchild with one hand tied behind his back. McCain has learned a lot from his 2000 campaign—for example, when you're talking about the Bushes, bring a nuclear weapon to the knife fight. This time, McCain will be ready—and, if he decides to get down in the trenches, he could end any chance of a Bush "dynasty" by out-Röving Karl Röve.

-- JJ Balzer

Romper Room!
Duck and cover: it's The McLaughlin Group!

As we enter the third week in which Gannon/GuckertGate has been roiling around Capitol Hill -- and where the Democrats' calls for investigations and subpoenas have finally made most of the national media take a serious look at it -- we find that it's not mentioned at all on Romper Room (a.k.a. The McLaughlin Group).

What did get mentioned?

Stuff like this:

Issue #1: Stop Criticizing Russia!

John McLaughlin played a tape of Putin's remarks from last week's European air-kiss exchange, wherein Bush and Condi were half-heartedly trying to mend fences while simultaneously making things worse by spewing insulting propaganda intended strictly for American consumption. Putin was polite, yet forceful, in the manner of a KGB chief who knows when and when not to use bullying threats.

(Come to think of it, that's exactly what he was under the old Soviet régime. Amazing how that works.)

Essentially, Putin told Bush that democracy takes time to introduce to a place without a long tradition of increasing legal protections for the people. He will not quickly force American-style democracy on Russia if it means destroying Russia and plunging it into chaos.

Johnny Mac then turned to Pitchfork Pat Buchanan: "Pat, what's Putin's point and is it persuasive?"

The following is, as always, massively paraphrased on my part (since I absolutely am the world's worst note-taker):

Pat (using his isolationist bigot powers for good, for a change): His point is 'Get off my case'! Russia's had to put up with this hectoring and badgering since Gladstone during the time of the czars. Public badgering like this won't bring democracy to Russia any sooner -- all it does is publicly humiliate Putin and probably make him more resistant to democracy.

John: Yes, and Putin also has had to deal with oligarchs that took advantage of the first flush of post-Soviet Russian democracy by trying to steal everything that wasn't nailed down. He also reminded Bush that democracy's shape is affected by the place in which it grows: democracy is going to look much different in Indonesia than it does in America.

Newsweek's Eleanor Clift then jumped in, bringing up as Pat did Putin's problems with the oligarchs but also saying that this didn't justify shutting down newspapers. That having been said, Bush needs to work with Putin on dealing with the nuclear-proliferation issue, so he can't be too harsh.

Tony "Jabba the" Blankley of the Washington (Moonie) Times responded as follows: Blather blather blather...

(By the way: Jabba was rather subdued today. Normally he'd try to monopolize the mike, but today he could only manage to do it in thirty-second stretches, and you could tell that his heart wasn't really into it. Could it be that Tony has at last realized that Bush's European buffoonery was unspinnable, even by him?)

This week's guest panelist, the Financial Times' James Harding (a.k.a. "James the Bemused", a frequent Romper Room visitor), essayed a few polite remarks to the effect that Bush did well to gently remind Putin of the need for democracy.

Pitchfork Pat, who seemed to have been endowed with Jabba's missing vim and vigor in addition to his own, jumped on this with both feet. He brought up the oligarchs, as Mac had earlier, and said that Putin was right to go after them.

Ol' Johnnie Mac then played a tape of Bush answering a journalist's question, then brought up the different ways in which Putin and Bush handled questions from European journalists. Much crosstalk ensued, with James the Bemused sticking up for Bush while Jabba hid in the corner and everyone else flayed chunks from Shrub's hide.

When it was all over, fifteen minutes had passed, and Johnny Mac had to hustle things along. As usual, he wrapped up the topic with a question: "Who won the Bush-Putin match?"

Pat: Draw.
EC: Draw.
Jabba: Draw.
James: Draw. ("Putin kicked the ball, but Bush kept it out of the net." Nice footy reference, James!)

Then Johnny Mac, in one of his trademarked mescaline moments, suddenly brought up for no reason at all the latest US troop casualty lists in Iraq. It was nice that he did so, but it had absolutely nothing to do with what went before, or what was to follow.

Issue #2: Transatlantic Unity! (?)

McLaughlin ran a clip of Bush's speech in which he called for a stronger European Union, then commented: the Neoconservatives don't want a strong EU, they want a weak or non-existent EU. "Tony, do you think Bush is taking a stand against the Neocons?"

Jabba: Blather blather blather he really didn't mean it blather....

James the Bemused: Bush wants a united -- but weak -- Europe.

Eleanor: Bush says lots of things that aren't in line with reality. It doesn't matter what he says, because in reality we can't do very much anyway -- we're so tied up in Iraq that we have no freedom of movement militarily or financially to oppose or prevent a united Europe.

Mucho crosstalk ensued, much of it from Pitchfork Pat, who is squarely in the Neocons' corner on wanting to see a divided and weak Europe. But it did eventually wind down.

McLaughlin then brought up Bush's "Charm Offensive" -- or is it "Offensive 'Charm?'" This pertained to Bush's comments on a very sexy blonde lady reporter's "great eyes" after she'd interviewed. Johnny Mac played the tape, then asked "Plus or minus?" Much laughing from everyone present, even Jabba.

	Great moments in television:
	Candidate George W. Bush finds supplementary use for a garment worn by Worldwide pants' hired help. Click on the image to download the entire clip (867kB, Windows Media)

Personally, I'm just glad he didn't grab the hem of her skirt and wipe his glasses with it, as he did to a female producer on the Letterman show during the 2000 campaign -- an incident that, had a Democrat done it, would have meant the instant death of his candidacy. But the GOP/Media Axis protects Bush, and always has.

McLaughlin then asked the money question: "On a scale of 1 to 10, how far did Bush's trip go in fixing the rift between Europe and the US?"

Pat: 1 to 2 at best.
EC: 2.
James the Bemused: 7, but falling rapidly; Iran and China are major problems.
Jabba: Blather blather blather 1 or 4 or 3 or 0 blather...
John: 7, but gains aren't permanent.

There was only three minutes left by this point, so Johnny Mac had to scramble to fit in his third topic:

Issue #3: American KGB!

All right Johnny! Finally, one of the Gasbags brings up ChoicePoint! (Too bad he only devoted 120 seconds to it, but hey, you can't have everything.)

Johnny Mac described the illegal sale of private information to identity thieves, then, to his credit, mentioned something that most US broadcast media haven't: the fact that the US government is outlawed from doing such data snooping itself, hires ChoicePoint to do it -- hence the "American KGB" of the issue title. (Alas, he made no mention of ChoicePoint's involvement in the "mistaken" -- or perhaps accidentally-done-a-purpose -- disenfranchisement of hundreds of thousands of Florida voters, the vast majority of whom were Democrats, in the 2000 election. If these voters had not been deprived of their civic rights, President Gore would be starting on his second term, our budget would still be in surplus, and the Twin Towers would still be standing.)

This was a subject that rated more than two minutes, but as soon as he brought it up, he dropped it to round off the half-hour with another quickie quiz: Will the dollar continue to sink?

Everyone answered "yes", even Jabba.

And that was that.

-- Jodi Schmidt

Meet the Press Moments
less of Tim Russert
more of his histrionic guest roster!

Moment number one, right at the top of MTP:

Tim: Here's the headline in today's Washington Post, Senator Santorum: "GOP May Seek A Deal On Accounts," meaning private accounts, Social Security, saying that the president is being told by House Republicans, forget about private personal accounts out of Social Security payroll taxes. Do something like Social Security plus, investment accounts outside of Social Security. Are you open to that?

Sen. Rick Santorum (R-VA but representing PA): Everything's on the table. That would certainly not meet my desire. I don't think it solves the problem. It doesn't solve the problem of making sure that younger workers have an opportunity to get the benefits that they are promised but Social Security under the current structure can't deliver.

(Translation: We wuz robbed! Those nefarious Democrats RUINED our bid to start the destruction of Social Security by "piratization." Now it's all on the table -- meaning that it's likely that the best we'll do is "Social Security Plus Savings." And just when we made sure that the first step in destroying the New Deal -- looting the Trust Fund - would assure that the current structure couldn't deliver benefits. Pass the tissue, Tim...)

Moment number two:

Tim: You take Amtrak every day back and forth to work.

Sen. Joseph Biden (D-Acela Express): No, I mean it. This is absolutely bizarre that we continue to subsidize highways beyond the gasoline tax, airlines, and we don't subsidize, we don't want to subsidize a national rail system that has environmental impact. Do you know what it would take? It would take us $71 billion to be able to go and take--if you took Amtrak out of the Northeast Corridor from Washington to Boston, to build enough highway on 95 to go up and back. This is the ultimate being penny-wise and a pound-foolish.

(Translation: Yep, Tim, that's a big adios to big oil ever backing me -- but then, they never did like me. Well, the feeling's mutual.)

Moment number three:

Tim: If the president decided to elevate Antonin Scalia to chief justice, would you vote for him?

Biden: No. I would spend a lot of time making the case he shouldn't be chief justice.... I would oppose him because of his methodology, the way he interprets the Constitution; i.e., he thinks there are no such thing as unenumerated rights in the Constitution which fundamentally alters the way in which you read the liberty clause of the 14th Amendment and a whole range of other things.

(Translation: We've got plenty of ammo on Scalia -- rulings, writings, even a number of things he's said -- and he'd best pray that Democrats don't regain both houses of Congress.)

Moment number four:

Tim: Could you beat Hillary Clinton in a primary?

Biden: Oh, I think she'd be incredibly difficult to beat -- I think she is the most difficult obstacle for anyone being the nominee. And by the way, I shouldn't be saying this, an admission against interest: I'm one who doesn't believe that she is incapable of being elected. I think she is likely to be the nominee -- she'd be the toughest person. And I think Hillary Clinton is able to be elected president of the United States.

(Translation: I'm not running. I've read the poll numbers. Hillary in '08, baby!)

Moment number five:

Bill Safire: I was disheartened and dismayed by the way he went eyeball to eyeball with President Putin and Bush blinked.

(Translation: My denial's over, Tim. I'll admit it: that Bush boy is no Dick Nixon. Now there was a guy who could deal with top Soviet apparatchiks!)

Moment number six:

Maureen Dowd: Tim, I know you're salivating for a Hillary-Condi 2008 race, and it's interesting, because Hillary's nickname is "The Warrior" with her staff. And Condi obviously is the warrior, as she showed when she reviewed the troops in Wiesbaden this week in a "Matrix" dominatrix outfit that is going to put the Oscar women to shame in the high black stiletto boots...

(Translation: Speaking of "The Matrix's" Neo, "Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS" dominatrix couture is THE look among female White House Neo-Conservatives. Hollywood. Jesus, how could I have let that stud Michael Douglas slip through my fingers like that? God, I'm so pathetic... someone get me a pint of Haagen-Dazs...)

-- Jane Grice

Copyright © 2005, 1999-2004, American Politics Journal Publications, Inc. All rights reserved. Read our privacy policy. Contact us. Operating software by Underwriters Digital Research. Data development by Gaudette & Associates. ISSN No. 1523-1690