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O'Shocker!
Bill O'Reilly Calls for Bush to Step Down
by Steve Young
May 28, 2006—HOLLYWOOD (apj.us)—In a shocking turn of events, talk show host Bill O'Reilly demanded President Bush's resignation on his radio show this past week.
Sure, it's hard to believe–but in taking on demagogues as well as entire countries, O'Reilly has never been one to pull his punches, so President Bush had better take Bill's words seriously.
Here's how it went down:
While pleading his case against a school newspaper on the University of Oregon campus, O'Reilly derided UO Dean Dave Frohnmayer for not taking steps to close down the newspaper. Given the fact that the school has neither editorial control over what the paper publishes nor legal ability to close it, Bill knows that a President needn't adhere to law to do what needs to be done.
Fearless as always, Bill won't even let the Supreme Court deter his protectionist fight for America's folks–no matter that the Rosenberger and Southworth opinions restrict a public university's ability to make decisions about incidental fee allocations on the basis of the content or viewpoint expressed by a recognized student group. Bill understands that just because the Supreme Court says so, it doesn't necessarily make it right. Alright?
What irked Bill more than anything was that Frohnmayer did not condemn and shut down the newspaper. Forget the law. Forget the trial. Just trow da bums out! If you're not willing to do so, then it's you who must go. Alright?
Next came the coup de grace: using the opportunity to make a political point that surely threw the White House and the entire Republican Party for a loop, O'Reilly said that a President should be held to the same scrutiny–if you don't deal with insurrections immediately, you must step down.*
Do you hear that, Mr. Bush? That's what Bill's talking about!
O'Reilly doesn't just toss out those conclusions willy-nilly. He is well aware that any declaration he utters will have national–nay, international ramifications. No one in the business of investigative journalism has put together the crack team Bill has, thoroughly analyzing the finite details of every possible news, legal or cultural innuendo. Any potential sabotage of what is morally right and factually correct is in Hill's cross-hairs. Right, left, gay, straight, or Paul Krugman, you screw with the folks, Bill's gonna getcha! You'd have to be a looney pinhead secular progressive Christianity-hater from San Francisco to think Bill wasn't aware of misdeeds ignored by President Bush when he called for his resignation.
Michael Brown, Dick Cheney, Karl Rove, George Tenet, lack of troops and body armor, Plamegame, Dubai–who knows which one set Bill off? Though he did not explain which of the many times President Bush has not responded to insurrections against good common sense, obviously some recent one must have put Bill over the edge. Never one to let a misstatement go by without an apology or correction, it's been days since he made the comment, and he has not pulled back one word. That, ladies and gentlemen, takes guts Alright?
When Bill decried TIME Magazine's cover photo of the Dixie Chicks and said that TIME would never place a far right person on its cover (despite the fact that Ann Coulter, whose only claim to fame is being far right, was the mag's cover girl just last year), Bill stood firm. Why? Because only a poltroon lets facts get in the way of a good Talking Point Memo.
Though there was no call by Bill to boycott America until Bush steps down, I wouldn't put it past him. This is not a guy who takes being ignored lightly. Ask France.
As of this posting Mr. O'Reilly has not chosen to make further comments nor returned any of my phone calls, none of which were made to him.
Still developing.
* Unfortunately, I was in the car at the time Bill said it and due to my concern for other drivers I was not able to write it down the exact quote, but there's no question what I wrote is what Bill kind of said. I mean, someone in my position couldn't afford to risk my credibility.
If you wish to comment, please remember to be pithy and not bloviate; that's Bill's job.
Steve Young is a Senior Fellow at the Extreme Far Centrist Foundation' Political Husbandry Conservation Centre and Stereo Repair. In his spare time, he is also an author, comedy writer, columnist, LA talk show host and author of "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful."(What? You STILL haven't bought it? Then visit http://www.greatfailure.com/). You can also check out the satirical side of Steve every Sunday in the LA Daily News.
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