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Please Do Not Read This Article About Ann Coulter!
Your Doing So Could Be Evidence That You Have CRD
by Steve Young
June 18, 2006—HOLLYWOOD (apj.us)—HOLLYWOOD (apj.us)—I'm so tired of articles about Ann Coulter.
It's just giving her more free promotion to hype her psyche and sell her book(s).
There are those out there who know better and wouldn't waste their time by reading this, that is only gives credence to her cretinous bile.
So, in effect, if you are reading this, but still find it an unnecessary tumor on the body America, you may be suffering from the media affliction that Ann discovered long ago and is smart or devious enough to exploit: Coulter Rubbernecking Disorder (CRD).
She is that horrific fifteen-car pileup in fromt of which we sit impatiently in a ten-mile-long line of traffic, damning whatever caused the thirty-some minute delay–then, upon reaching the crash site, slow down for in order to see every gory detail–adding to our own delay while all the time shaking our heads in despair at the blood and twisted metal strewn over the highway.
If the accident is anything less then cataclysmic–say a flat tire–we're disappointed.
"That's it? That's all there was? No injuries? I was delayed for THAT?"
As a blood'n'gore fatal traffic backup, Coulter is no flat tire.
Face it: if Ann were not as disgusting as she is, we would be disappointed–and publishers, radio and TV execs are well aware of CRD. It's not their desire to give her a platform–it's our desire to see her, albeit like we want to see the evil WWF wrestler get beaten. But despite getting pummeled by our hero, somehow the bad guy will cheat and come out at the end with the championship belt and a fatter wallet.
So, while you might want to write and say how pieces like this only gives a small benign spot on the lung more opportunity to become a malignancy, forget it. Just by reading this, you already supplied humanity with the next cigarette.
It's not your fault. You've got CRD.
Steve Young is a Senior Fellow at the Extreme Far Centrist Foundation' Political Husbandry Conservation Centre and Stereo Repair. In his spare time, he is also an author, comedy writer, columnist, LA talk show host and author of "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful."(What? You STILL haven't bought it? Then visit http://www.greatfailure.com/). You can also check out the satirical side of Steve every Sunday in the LA Daily News.
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