B. December 5: Christmas Party at the White HouseOn Friday, December 5, Ms. Lewinsky returned from Department of Defense travel in Europe.(721) She asked Ms. Currie if the President could see her the next day, but Ms. Currie said he was busy meeting with his lawyers.(722) In the late afternoon, she attended a Christmas party at the White House with a Defense Department colleague.(723) Ms. Lewinsky exchanged a few words with the President in the reception line.(724)
The Christmas reception encounter heightened Ms. Lewinsky's frustration. On the evening of December 5, she drafted an anguished letter to the President.(725) "[Y]ou want me out of your life," she wrote. "I guess the signs have been made clear for awhile -- not wanting to see me and rarely calling. I used to think it was you putting up walls."(727) She had purchased several gifts for him, and, she wrote, "I wanted to give them to you in person, but that is obviously not going to happen."(728) Ms. Lewinsky reminded the President of his words during their October 10 telephone argument:
I will never forget what you said that night we fought on the phone -- if you had known what I was really like you would never have gotten involved with me. I'm sure you're not the first person to have felt that way about me. I am sorry that this has been such a bad experience.(729)
She concluded the letter: "I knew it would hurt to say goodbye to you; I just never thought it would have to be on paper. Take care."(730)
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