Jeff Koopersmith on why Romney should look for a better shoe salesman.

Anyone who observes Mitt Romney soon realizes he is a pleasant guy with a penchant for riches and an overarching guilt complex which explains his ginormous contributions to his church.  Like George W. Bush, Romney is probably the kind of guy that’s fun to have as a pal – and some background on him proves he will go the extra mile for a friend.  Just look at what he did for one of his buddies when the man’s daughter disappeared.

So what’s up with Miit?

He decided earlier this week or late last week that ObamaCare did not contain a tax and he said so – he said it was a penalty and he knew this is true, and he could have easily stuck to that line and, as an alternative, conjure a scenario where O-Care might result in a tax increase someday soon. After all, the avaricial cretins that cure us – except for my docs of course – are sure to increase the cost of medical care and pharmaceuticals no matter what happens.  As this occurs – with or without O-Care, our health care costs will rise and we will either have to pay a great deal more privately or we will have to pay a at least some more publicly – (see the past few years as the cretins upped the price for life in “anticipation” of Justice Roberts’ miraculous liberal conversion.

So here he is – Mitt Romney – tasting the dew on the lawn of the White House, and he takes a telephone call from the likes of Bill O’Reilly or Limbaugh who tell him that he’s giving away an important weapon (“you idiot”) called a Tax Increase which is what defeated George Herbert B. long ago.

“Watch your lips, Mitt!” barks the former (?) OxyContin addict Rush. “You are angering the Tea Party and their assigns.  You can’t afford to lose them, or me – I am the titular head of the Republican Party!”

Mitt, being the nice guy he is, feels awkward, and it shows – but he knows the Neofascists will desert him unless he allows them to triple your private health care costs in some insane effort to kill off the poorest among us so they can exterminate Americans’ “socialist ways.”

So, what do you know? A few of his mouthpieces agree with Romney’s statements that O-Care has a penalty, but not a tax.  This is mostly because Mitt himself is confused. He is battling with himself – and with his God.  So, in his confused and harassed state Mr. Romney gets on the air and claims that O-Care is a tax increase.  To the more intelligent media this is more than fumbly, and they immediately run to claim he is either crazy or a “flip-flopper”…  (What a stupid adjectival phrase.)

Romney is obviously very uncomfortable wearing the slippers of the ultra-right, who seem to have frightened “sane” Republicans so much that they actually heel to their crackpot ideas like dogs.

Romney, whether he outsourced jobs to Beijing or not, is just a man who is embarrassed to be so rich and thought he could keep it secret – which he did pretty well up until sometime between the media revelation aboutthat stupid elevator garage and gaining enough votes to clinch the GOP nomination.

Heck, I remain to support Obama because he is highly intelligent – and highly educated.  I like him so much two of my dogs are named after the President and First Lady because they were born when it was clear Mr. Obama would beat that now-lunatic-hero McCain in 2008.  I am not sure how intelligent Mr. Romney is – but he is not Evil.

So here is some advice for Mr. Romney, whose governor’s office I once sat in and found him pleasant:

1. You don’t need the Tea Party. They’ll vote for you anyway, inasmuch as they believe that the President is the Muslim Socialist Antichrist and was born on Neptune 320 years ago.
2. Make it clear – in a keynote address – that you are uncomfortable with what most crazy NeoCons and Teaps think about public policy, but that you are concerned with spending tax money without merit. That’s arguably a real issue.
3. In fact, tell the American people that you don’t hate anyone – but that this is a difficult emotion to control as the psychotic ultra right claw at you to adopt their bigoted ways and their unbridled greedy stupidity.

Okay, Mitt may not win anyway because anyone with a mind knows that President Obama has done the best anyone could to make things easier for we Americans for as long as possible.  And…anyone with a brain also knows that if we decide to choose to punish the middle and lower classes for our mutual mistakes we will pay dearly.

Whichever, in my effort to continue my crusade to be truly Fair and Balanced I offer this explanation and cure to the other side – to Mr. Romney and perhaps the President will agree.

Oh, one more thing, Mitt.  Telephone wily media mogul Rupert Murdoch and tell him to fire that weasel Roger Ailes, who has nearly destroyed the nation and the Republican Party underhandedly.