Jeff Koopersmith weighs in on Willard Romney's pilgrimage to "Castle Dickula".

Is Mitt Romney stupid – or does Dick Cheney have more powerful mind-control than we all imagine? 

Today, Willard Romney will make a special appearance at the Teet-On-Pines (local vernacular) Country Club much to the horror of Arnold Palmer who designed the golf courses there.

Why? Because none other than recently heart-implanted and former President of Vice under, I mean over, President George W. Bush, Dick "Dick" Cheney will host a fund-raiser for Willard "Mitt" Romney somewhere past the 19th hole.

Reporters believe, because they are suckers,  that Mitt is forced to do this because he wants to "formally"become the head of the Republican Party some day and appearing at Cheney's backyard country club home is a sure step toward doing so - that's if you're part of the ITP (Insane Tea Party) crowd - many of whom carry little photos of Adolf Hitler and Dick Cheney in their wallets and on their IPhones.

To say Romney is a madman for agreeing to show up at what has to be the gruesome Castle Dickula, Mitt is nailing his own political casket shut – and just after being booed and hooted at during his other tasteless appearance before the annual NAACP convention, which is kind of the AARP of the American Black community these days or he wouldn't have been invited.

Cheney itself is returning from a starring role at some heart attack conference in McLean, Virginia where he spoke as the only known American or chimpanzee to have had a heart implant - thereby replacing what he called "The Pump of Satan" which was constantly on the fritz - and I don't mean Mondale.

So, tomorrow evening it's the Beast Meets Beast - sort of an X-Game for those "couples" who paid $30,000 a pop to chug down some rolling calf eyeballs and glazed over boredom at the actual HOME of Dick Cheney.

Attending such a dinner displays a great amount of courage inasmuch as Cheney stores his hand made shotguns there, and is rumored to have bronzed the one that he shot 78-year-old Harry Whittington with a few years back just for laughs.

Added to that is the simple humiliation at even thinking about appearing at Dick Cheney's home. Even the local paper boy stands across the street and genuflects when delivering the "Limbaugh Letter" to the Cheney manse.

How despicable does one have to be to honor Cheney, and at his so-called HOME - and pay thirty grand for the horror?  My guess is that most of the attendees will actually bring their real wives to this "do" hoping that not all the satanic fluids were drained from his body when Dick has his pump placed.

By attending the Cheney fundraiser Romney is promising to bring Cheney into the Romney White House when and (BIG IF) Romney makes it in as the 6th in a line of fool Republican Presidents who were mind-controlled by that freak.  

Top on the list of nuts helping out with the money needed for such a splash is our all-time favorite stand in for Claribel the Clown - Foster Friess who backed whacked out Rick Santorum and put up all the dough for a Super Pac dedicated to slashing Romney during the fake GOP primaries. 

The line up of big war money power and bankers galore is underscored by people whose names sound like a bad novel set in the South or a named player in the game of "Clue". For instance, Cheney's best banker buddy is called "Dick Scarlett" which is not, some claim, an adjectival phrase.

It is my understanding that FEMA is standing by in case the River Styx belches out of some devilish volcano in mountainous and ritzy Jackson Hole, which is also Cheney's pet name for Jesse.

Now Cheney's pretense is that he's a major player - but the slimy war-mongering slob might only raise $2 measly million for old Romney!  That's an insult - just the round trip fuel for the MittJet costs more than that.

But, to be fair and balanced - as Roger Ailes taught me so well before he exploded at Patsy's in Manhattan (the walls were covered in burning fat) - Cheney, in fact, will raise more than $150 million for Romney who has agreed to a 65% kickback to Cheney's rumored Super PAC - Hearts From Hades - which supports almost all Tea Party backed candidates is funded largely by that which President Eisenhower warned us about….

You can bet that the "Romniacs" - Mitt's political staff - were squeaking the "pants on fire" line that Mitt hardly knows Cheney and rarely talks with him unless it's to pass on some insider information on a potential job prospect in China.

So, eat your heart out all you Liberals! - and those of you who will be at that dinner in the hamlet of Wilson - please bring a vial of holy water - just in case.